Thank You, Granty!

Based upon everything that has happened in the past three months, it would be very easy to make a blanket statement and say 2012 was one of the worst years of my life.  However, when I think about everything that occurred over the past twelve months, this statement does not seem as applicable.  From the ultrasound in January that revealed I was carrying a boy, to Alexa's 3rd birthday in March, to our first annual family vacation in August...it was a pretty phenomenal year.  Grant's birth on June 3rd was the highlight of my year, and the months after that provided me with a sense completeness like I had never felt before.  I loved watching Alexa grow up into a little girl and embrace the big sister (and Mommy's little helper) role.  I have never been more happy or content.

The last three months of the year definitely constituted the most trying time of my life, but it was through these trials that I have learned the most valuable lessons about life and myself.  My heart aches for the loss of my Granty, but I wouldn't trade the 175 days I had with him for anything in the world - despite everything, these were the best days of my life.  Through Grant's example, I learned what really matters in life and developed an appreciation for what it means to live one's life to the fullest.  I have a new hero, role model and inspiration. 

Thank you for a great year, my beloved Granty-boy.

Back Home

Home sweet home.

Alexa and I are back in Arizona, as we made the turbulent and longer than usual flight tonight.  Thankfully Alexa was sleeping soundly for nearly the entire flight, so I commandeered the iPad and her bedazzled Hello Kitty headphones and caught up on "Modern Family" episodes to pass the time.

We had a wonderful trip in St. Louis, and it was the perfect break we needed.  It was a jam-packed week of family, holiday celebrations, a private zoo tour, snow....and Steak-n-Shake.  It was good to be home (my perma-home). :)

When Alexa woke up this morning, she noticed NeNe and Papa were nowhere to be found, so I informed her they had gone to church for 7am mass.  Alexa's immediate response was, "Oh - they're celebrating Granty at church."  She uses the term celebrate to refer to praying, because she knows we are usually thanking God when we pray together (always concluding with an emphatic "DAMON" instead of Amen....we'll work on that).  When her cousin Mara corrected her and told her that NeNe and Papa were instead celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ (not Granty), Alexa didn't skip a beat nor retract her statement.  She simply replied, "I had ice cream cake for His birthday."  We did - Christmas dinner included Damon's favorite Baskin Robbins cake.

It's amazing what Alexa has been able to comprehend throughout this entire process; I truly think she understands how we remember and celebrate the life of our beloved Granty.  There are definitely times that Damon and I wish she didn't understand everything that has happened, but I am pleasantly surprised that she has only happy memories and positive associations of Grant.  And yes, NeNe did confirm - - she and Papa were celebrating Granty at church this morning.

Alexa looked like a Steak-N-Shake regular
while waiting for our 'Takhomasak' order.

Winter Wonderland (for an AZ child)

I awoke at 4am to Alexa peering behind the shades in our room as she checked to make sure the snow that was falling when she went to bed was still there.  It was - all half-inch of it - and Alexa was ready to take full advantage of it.  I bribed her to go back to sleep for a bit, but we were outside by 8am and ready to sled on the hill by my parents' house.  Alexa wasn't phased at all that the grass was poking through the snow; this was a winter wonderland in her eyes.  It was a very magical feeling to watch her experience her first memorable snowfall (obviously she didn't remember our winters in New Jersey).

Alexa is a good athlete, and her athletic prowess was on full display as she sled down the hill and charged back to the top...it was quite the workout for both of us!  After three trial runs sitting on my lap, Alexa informed be she was ready to sled by herself and down the hill she went.  I was impressed that she didn't have a single wipeout - she was grinning from ear to ear on each run.  Damon was a pretty accomplished snow skier when he was young, and he's always said that he will take Alexa on her first ski trip when she's five-years-old.  Judging by her excitement today, I think a 2014 ski trip will be the highlight of her year.



So excited to see snow - she's been waiting for it
since our plane landed last Sunday afternoon.

Thank goodness her Chicago and Wisconsin cousins

brought winter coats for Alexa to use & leave in StL.

After a few trial runs with Mom...

...She's an expert sledder.



Fond Memories

After the Phoenix Zoo last week and a private tour and giraffe encounter at the St. Louis Zoo today, I don't know how we'll ever be able to do a "normal" zoo visit again....we're officially spoiled.  My cousin Joe arranged an amazing tour of the St. Louis Zoo for Alexa and myself today (Damon was very disappointed to miss it), and we were lucky to have my good friend Molly and her two sons join us for the visit.  They were the perfect companions.  We had a blast!

I knew it was going to be a great day when the representative from the zoo escorted us to a golf cart so he could drive us around the zoo.  Andy (from the St. Louis Zoo) was a wonderful tour guide - - Molly and I could not believe how much knowledge he had about the zoo and its animals, although I was also impressed that Molly recalled some of "fun facts" from her days of working as a guide on the zoo railroad.  He was also great with the kids and really made the day a once-in-a-lifetime experience for each of us.

After we hopped on the cart, we headed up to the Antelope House to meet and feed the zoo's two giraffes.  They actually closed the Antelope House to the public to provide us a private experience with the giraffes - - very cool.  The zoo keeper had eucalyptus branches set out for us to hold up and allow the giraffes to munch on the leaves.  The strength of these animals is pretty amazing - Alexa quickly learned she had to hold on with all of her might to keep the giraffe from pulling the entire branch out of her hand.  Alexa and the boys had so much fun feeding the giraffes.  It was very cute to see each of them with their heads tilted up to stare at the huge giraffes, and I noticed Alexa was sticking out her tongue while she fed them as if she was prompting them to eat.  Her smile, exuberance, joy, etc... made me so happy.  It was nice to see her as a "normal" three-year-old, not asking about death or talking about topics way beyond her years.

The tour didn't stop with the giraffes; Andy drove us through the entire zoo.  Amazing.  We saw so many animals, including Alexa's mistaken tiger-camel (don't ask), Jack's favorite animal - the zebra, the new Sea Lion Sound, etc...  I think some of the other highlights were Big Cat Country - - the lions were playing and pouncing, something I'd never seen before, and an up-close visit from an alpaca as he was being led on a leash to the Children's Zoo. 

It was really an incredible experience, and Andy topped off the day with stuffed giraffes for each of the kids and pink giraffe hats for Molly and myself.  It was a wonderful day....Granty was with us in spirit.  You can't look at a giraffe's beautiful eyes and never-ending eyelashes without thinking of my precious little boy.

Quite the up-close experience with the giraffes.

The look of wonder and awe that brings so much happiness to me.

The line-up of kids feeding the two giraffes.

Absolutely loving the experience.

Mimicking the giraffes' tongues.

Two very well-fed giraffes.

Alexa's sparkle giraffe t-shirt was a hit with the zoo employees.

The alpaca took quite the liking to Alexa.

The 'Buddy Bands' from high school have been replaced.

A very happy crew after today's visit - - thank you, Cousin Joe!!!



A Holiday Poem

Damon headed back to Arizona bright and early this morning; I think he was looking forward to warmer temperatures but wasn't looking forward to leaving Alexa and myself.  Apparently I have also become acclimated to Arizona weather, as my running apparel today (t-shirt, hoodie, Nike coat, scarf, gloves and running tights) solicited some laughs, especially from my brother-in-law who was sporting shorts for the run.  I was proud to point out that all of my pieces were well-coordinated, so at least I was running warm and in style.

Tonight I attended a cousins' party on my mom's side of the family, and it was a great opportunity to see some of the extended family and have longer, more personal conversations that cannot normally be had in the huge group settings.  All of my cousins have been extremely supportive to Damon and myself, and Joe and Emily gave me a poem on my way out that provides a nice perspective on the holiday.  I'm not sure of the author, but I don't want to take undue credit nor plagiarize..... :)

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below.  With tiny lights, like Heaven's starts, reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear.  For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear.  But the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring.  For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me, I see pain inside your heart.  But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart.

So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.  And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.  I sent you each a memory of my undying love.

After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.  It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do.  For I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.  Remember I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

Papa Hovey paid a visit and sent this picture today....

My Granty

Today the Niehoff celebration of Christmas kicked into high-gear, with two of my siblings and their families arriving in St. Louis.  Alexa was eagerly awaiting the arrival of her cousins and must have asked 100+ times when they would be arriving, because, in her words, they were taking forever.  I was working remotely today, so thankfully NeNe was able to keep her occupied by giving her tasks to do before her cousins arrived, the most important one being the placement of the gifts under the Christmas tree.

I was working in the other room and listening to my mom (NeNe) try to continue the promotion of phonics to Alexa.  As my mom was showing Alexa the nametags on the gifts, they discovered that all of the grandchildren had an "A" in their name.  After going through each child's name in descending age order, my mom was explaining the placement of the "A" in Grant's name.  Alexa excitedly said, "My Granty!?!"  I love that she continues to cherish her brother and big sister role; nothing makes me happier.

Today's 'weepy moment of the day' came when my parents were opening the photo calendar of all of their grandchildren.  This was the second year we had given them a grandchildren calendar, and I had designed it, so I was very familiar with the layouts, photos, etc... and had already seen it plenty of times.  However, as my mom flipped to June (Grant's birth month), I started to cry, as the reality that Granty will never have a first birthday hit home.  I did feel a little better when I saw Damon and my sisters (in-law too) were tearing up as well - - it's always better to cry with people versus the soda aisle of Fry's :)  This boy evokes the tears and emotion from everyone.  To think I used to be the unemotional one - - so much so that my sister Julie even said it in a legal deposition (lol).  Yes, my little boy has changed me....

The kids' table tonight....

Bittersweet

Today was not only Christmas Day but also the one-month anniversary of Granty's death, so it was a day of mixed emotions and bittersweet celebration.  It seems like ages since I've held my little boy or seen his vivacious smile; it's hard to believe it's only been one-month.  Damon and I know it's going to get easier sometime, but this has been one heck of a rough month and a true test of our faith.

This was the first Christmas that Alexa grasped the concept of Santa, and her excitement this morning was a welcome start to the day.  She's a very meticulous present-opener, making sure to remove ever last bit of wrapping paper from each present, so the gift opening lasted about 20 minutes this morning.  Even though Santa forgot a collection of Disney Princess dolls in Damon's closet in Arizona, Alexa was thrilled by the gifts he brought her - - the coveted dress-up clothes and a pink camera were the highlights.  Santa did try to interject some educational components, surprising her with a phonics book and an A-B-C bead game.  It's worth a shot... :)

As I was running this afternoon (braving the freezing temperatures and wind), I was thinking about my Granty - a pretty normal thought whenever I'm running.  It would have been cute to see him sitting and creeping on the floor, probably trying to tear off some wrapping paper.  I'm sure big sister Alexa would have been just as excited for the gifts Santa brought Grant as she was for her own.  Ahh...what could have been. 

Despite not having a physical presence, Granty was with us today.  The front page of the St. Louis newspaper had an article about Matt Holliday and David Freese, two St. Louis Cardinals, who pay regular visits to a children's hospital in St. Louis and have befriended the patients, including some cancer patients.  It was truly a feel-good story about two amazing athletes but also two selfless superstars - I can only imagine the excitement of the kids they meet.  I had to smile thinking about Granty and his stuffed Fredbird (the Cardinals mascot) that was always next to him in the hospital bed and even accompanied him to surgery.  As I checked out the Phoenix newspaper online, a front page article discussed the Ryan House, the children's hospice home that we had considered for Grant's last week before deciding to stay in PICU.  It just seemed a pretty unique coincidence that both newspapers featured front page articles about topics so relevant to Grant and our family.

An ornament in Granty's honor adorns my parents' Christmas tree.

Santa paid tribute to Granty with a pink giraffe swimsuit for Alexa.
As soon as she saw it, she said "Granty!"