Bittersweet

Today was not only Christmas Day but also the one-month anniversary of Granty's death, so it was a day of mixed emotions and bittersweet celebration.  It seems like ages since I've held my little boy or seen his vivacious smile; it's hard to believe it's only been one-month.  Damon and I know it's going to get easier sometime, but this has been one heck of a rough month and a true test of our faith.

This was the first Christmas that Alexa grasped the concept of Santa, and her excitement this morning was a welcome start to the day.  She's a very meticulous present-opener, making sure to remove ever last bit of wrapping paper from each present, so the gift opening lasted about 20 minutes this morning.  Even though Santa forgot a collection of Disney Princess dolls in Damon's closet in Arizona, Alexa was thrilled by the gifts he brought her - - the coveted dress-up clothes and a pink camera were the highlights.  Santa did try to interject some educational components, surprising her with a phonics book and an A-B-C bead game.  It's worth a shot... :)

As I was running this afternoon (braving the freezing temperatures and wind), I was thinking about my Granty - a pretty normal thought whenever I'm running.  It would have been cute to see him sitting and creeping on the floor, probably trying to tear off some wrapping paper.  I'm sure big sister Alexa would have been just as excited for the gifts Santa brought Grant as she was for her own.  Ahh...what could have been. 

Despite not having a physical presence, Granty was with us today.  The front page of the St. Louis newspaper had an article about Matt Holliday and David Freese, two St. Louis Cardinals, who pay regular visits to a children's hospital in St. Louis and have befriended the patients, including some cancer patients.  It was truly a feel-good story about two amazing athletes but also two selfless superstars - I can only imagine the excitement of the kids they meet.  I had to smile thinking about Granty and his stuffed Fredbird (the Cardinals mascot) that was always next to him in the hospital bed and even accompanied him to surgery.  As I checked out the Phoenix newspaper online, a front page article discussed the Ryan House, the children's hospice home that we had considered for Grant's last week before deciding to stay in PICU.  It just seemed a pretty unique coincidence that both newspapers featured front page articles about topics so relevant to Grant and our family.

An ornament in Granty's honor adorns my parents' Christmas tree.

Santa paid tribute to Granty with a pink giraffe swimsuit for Alexa.
As soon as she saw it, she said "Granty!"