The Best Hand Turkey

There's no doubt the past month has taken an emotional toll upon all of us - we're definitely looking forward to getting away for the holiday (despite the freezing temperatures of Milwaukee).  Alexa provided a nice kick-off to Thanksgiving tonight in a rather unexpected way.....the classic hand turkey.

When I picked up Alexa from school tonight, she was eager to grab her folder of school projects that she brings home each week.  In addition to the normal word sheets and metal inset tracings, she was eager to show me the Thanksgiving art project she made.  She proudly pulled out the paper of the hand turkey with feathers identifying things for which she is thankful.  This hand turkey gave me a huge pick-me-up, as I was touched by the things for which Alexa had highlighted she was thankful:

- my family

- Granty

- giraffes

- my baby sister

- my books

- Gabriella 

- my toys

Granty, giraffes and her baby sister (apparently she's gotten over the hand-me-down issue)...there's no doubt this little girl is embracing her role as a big sister.  Seeing these three items on the turkey's feathers made me smile and gave me hope for the year ahead; Alexa seems to have her heart and priorities in the right place.

This is one art project that will be saved for years to come.....

One Year....

One year....it's hard to believe it has been one year since Granty passed away, but at the same time it seems like forever since I've been able to hold my little boy.  This has been a very rough month, not to mention the agony of today's anniversary, but we're doing what we can to push through it and make our little boy proud.

Most people were not lucky enough to get to meet Granty and only got to know him through my words and pictures on this blog.  My vocabulary will never be able to capture the true essence of Granty, but his bright eyes and huge grin in those pictures speak volumes.  Thankfully we do have one video, albeit cell phone quality, that Damon captured the morning of his biopsy at Phoenix Children's Hospital.  It's hard to believe how happy and lively he was despite the ordeal he was undergoing (IV's, MRI, biopsy, anesthesia...).  The best part is that Granty was laughing even more hysterically (at his silly mother) before Damon was able begin recording on his cell phone.  Damon uploaded the video below to YouTube today....this has to be one of the most beautiful videos you'll ever see [warning - it will probably make you cry; I couldn't bring myself to watch it today].  It captures the spirit and personality of our vivacious little boy, not to the perspective upon life that it provides to the rest of us.

His laughter is forever captured in my heart and mind....it also helps to explain why he was always Mr. Popular with all of the doctors and nurses.  With that laugh,  it's impossible to not fall in love with him and become captivated his joy and innocence.

We miss you & love you, Granty!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2SCJld0B24

Pep Talk

The rainy and cold (by Scottsdale standards) weather continued today, so I knew I needed to develop a plan of indoor activities to do with Alexa.  Thankfully, she had a Build-A-Bear gift card that she was eager to use.  I did a little research beforehand and let Alexa know that Pinkie Pie (a My Little Pony) was an online item only, but she was undeterred, as she had seen a Build-A-Bear commercial advertising their Rudolph collection and wanted to build a reindeer.  Perfect - - a trip to the mall was on the agenda after gymnastics

A poster advertising Santa's Workshop almost deterred our visit as soon as it began; Alexa froze in her tracks, petrified that she might see Santa.  She's a pretty fearless kid, but when it comes to people in costumes or dressed up as characters, she is a nervous mess.  She was torn between wanting to head upstairs to Build-A-Bear and walking out of the mall.  I assured her that I would do everything I could to make sure she didn't see Santa, so she decided to proceed.  The poor little girl was giving herself pep talks as we made our way through the mall, muttering, "Be brave, Alexa" to herself over and over.

At Build-A-Bear, she decided to make Clarice (the girl reindeer from Rudolph), clad in a white dress with green and red polka-dots and a red sequined Santa hat.  Damon had stepped away from the restaurant to meet us at Build-A-Bear, and the three of us decided to have lunch together.  Uh oh...I knew the walk back to Wildfish would require us to walk by Santa.  Sure enough, Santa was standing by his chair waving when we made our way past his workshop.

Alexa hesitated, and I was ready to act as interference and walk beside her so she wouldn't have to see him.  However, her pep talks seemed to take effect, and she stopped to wave back at him.  "Wait - I want to go talk to him."  I couldn't believe my ears, and asked her three times if she was sure;  she assured me she was.  Apparently visits to Santa aren't as popular before Thanksgiving, so Alexa was able walk directly up to Santa.  She stood in front of him, about three feet away, and spoke to him, showing off her Clarice and telling him about the Calico Critters and hula hoop she wants for Christmas.  I knew sitting in his lap was out of the question, but I could not believe she had summoned the courage to speak to him.  This was a huge achievement, as she conquered one of her biggest fears!

She was bragging about her visit all afternoon, telling me that now she think she's ready to visit Fredbird (the St. Louis Cardinals mascot) too.  Talk about some powerful self-pep talks!

Enjoying her latest Build-A-Bear creation.

Striking Resemblance

Today's weather - it rained all day - seemed to embody the mood I've felt during the past few weeks.  This has been a very emotional month, as the memories of the events of a year ago have been forefront in my mind.

I gave Alexa a bath last night, and she fell asleep on my bed after she wrapped herself in a bedsheet like a cocoon.  As I prepared to lift her and bring her to her bed, I stopped short, as I could not believe the resemblance between Alexa and Granty.  From the moment Grant was born, there was no denying these two were siblings, but with her damp hair off of her face and ivory sheet wrapped around her, the peaceful look on her sleeping face was strikingly similar to that of Grant.  I must have stood there for five minutes, simply staring at Alexa while she slept and recalling Grant's angelic and peaceful face during his final week of life.

Granty's presence felt stronger than ever, and there's no surprise it was through his big sister.  In his short life, the bond between them was undeniable; she was a doting big sister, adored by her baby brother.  She may not realize it, but I truly feel that Alexa will perpetuate Grant's life and legacy through her own life.

Two of the most touching photos I will ever take....
there's no denying the love.

Real Butter!

Each year Alexa's class holds a Thanksgiving feast prior to the holiday, and it is one event Alexa eagerly anticipates.  This year I was sure to sign up for the potluck feast early, as I remember my mother-in-law and sisters dutifully using turkey cookie cutters to shape sandwich bread for turkey sandwiches last year (I was practically living at the hospital).  I took the easy route this time and signed up to bring a pumpkin pie, requiring only a quick trip to Costco after Alexa's gymnastics class last night....ahh, the ease of outsourcing.  I was already at work before Alexa woke up this morning, but she had no problem remembering to bring the pie to school...this was an exciting day for her!

Not only did Alexa get to partake in the Thanksgiving feast - she told me she had both apple and pumpkin pie! - but the highlight of the day seemed to be the homemade butter.  When I picked her up from Aftercare, she immediately ran to the refrigerator to grab the mason jar of butter she had churned from heavy cream.  After showing me her creation, she looked at me and asked, "So what can we make for dinner with my butter?!?"  Butter is usually not on menu at our house, so I quickly suggested the first thing that came to mind - garlic bread.   Not exactly gourmet, but it was an easy way to incorporate Alexa's beloved butter into tonight's dinner menu.

The aspiring cooking show contestant raved about the garlic bread we made - she commented that it was "crispy and buttery with good flavor balance."  Damon loves to joke about the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" that I use, and Alexa seemed to pay homage to his teasing tonight.  "See Mommy!?!  Food is much better when you use real butter and not the fake stuff in the refrigerator!"  

She's always been a fan of Thanksgiving feasts - - Alexa in 2010.

Unfathomable

One year ago today, Damon and I received the worst news we could have ever imagined...Grant's tumor had hemorrhaged and nothing could be done to reverse it.  With the advances and miracles of modern medicine, a prognosis like that seems unimaginable...everyone had been so optimistic about Granty's ability to fight cancer, and I never expected to hear the fight was over.

After an all-nighter of the PICU medical team trying everything within their power to reduce Granty's heart rate and fever, I called Damon that morning and told him to get to the hospital as soon as he could because I had a bad feeling.  Sure enough - the two of us sat in Grant's room and watched his Oncologist review the images from the early morning MRI at the nurses' station.  When I saw the doctor shaking his head in disbelief, I read his lips as he muttered, "Oh my God," and instantly knew.  Even one year later, I still cannot find the words to describe my emotions.  

This month has been, and will continue to be, one of sad anniversaries, but I take solace in knowing that Granty's in a better place.  He is constantly in my thoughts and continues to inspire and motivate me.  I see his trademark tenacity in Alexa, and I have a feeling his little sister will demonstrate the same trait.  He always has and will continue to bring out the best in all of us.

Forever my baby boy.....

Memorable Weekend

Whew - what a busy weekend in Fresno.  From a rehearsal dinner on Friday night, to the wedding on Saturday and a memorial for Granty on Sunday, it was an activity-filled weekend and a wonderful time with family.  Alexa came with us to the rehearsal dinner on Friday and ceremony on Saturday (she stayed with a babysitter for the wedding reception), and she definitely made her presence known at each event.  As I've told people many times - don't let the blonde hair and blue eyes fool you; she is definitely Damon's daughter.

At the rehearsal dinner, her eyes immediately gravitated to the groom's cake, which was playfully decorated with an outdoors motif - a whimsical style very similar to the cakes on her beloved 'Cake Boss.'  Around 8:30pm she was clearly exhausted, but she did not want to leave the rehearsal dinner until she had a piece of cake.  She was determined to have a slice of the beautiful cake and live out her 'Cake Boss' dreams.  The mother-of-the-bride heard Alexa mention her desire for cake, and she immediately requested the bride and groom cut the cake so Alexa could have a piece.  It was so kind of her to request the cake-cutting on behalf of Alexa...otherwise it could have been a very long night.  Alexa was in heaven as she ate her piece of cake (it was delicious!), and she was more than willing to leave after that, falling asleep within two minutes of getting into the car.

Alexa was very eager to attend the wedding on Saturday, as I think she envisioned it being like every Disney Princess movie she's seen.  Not only was she eager to see the bride's dress and flowers, but she had been given the very important task of making sure her cousin Luke, the ringbearer, made it down the aisle.  As the wedding party made their entrance, Alexa excitedly stood with my sister-in-law near the front of the church to help coax Luke towards them.  Whether it was the large crowd or the crying flower girls in front of him, Luke did not want to walk.  My sister-in-law started to walk towards him, and Alexa, holding in high regard her task to get him down the aisle, walked straight down the middle of the aisle to get him and accompany him to the front of church.  Somehow Alexa had inserted herself into the wedding party and made herself a write-in flowergirl.  She's no-nonsense, but did achieve her task!  I could only shake my head - already a wedding crasher!  Both the mothers of the bride and groom even invited Alexa to be in some of the pictures being taken after the ceremony....Alexa proudly stood next to her cousin, standing out from the wedding party's black-and-white attire in her bright raspberry dress, smiling for the camera like a pro.  What a ham!  Damon's cousin, the father of the groom, was ready to post an ad for a "Flowergirl for Hire" to rent out Alexa for future weddings.  :)

On Sunday Alexa took a backseat to her little brother.  The immediate family gathered at church on Sunday to honor the one-year anniversary of Grant's passing, followed by a visit to the cemetery and lunch at an Armenian restaurant.  It was a very low-key but poignant celebration of Granty's all-too-short life and the memories he provided each of us.  Before we left for the cemetery, I made the mistake of telling Alexa it was time to go because "we were going to visit Granty."  Her eyes immediately lit up and she excitedly responded, "You mean we get to see him again!?!"  Immediately my stomach dropped, and I tried to quickly clarify my comment.  Thankfully she was distracted by the donut holes Damon was holding aside for her...whew - crisis averted.  She doesn't know a cemetery is a place where people are buried (Damon nor I didn't want to explain the burial process), but she recognizes it as a place we go to remember Granty.  While the Der Hayr led us in prayer, Alexa was busy making a "present" for Grant - a mound of grass blades she pulled from the ground.  While a clump of grass may not be traditional, it makes me so proud to see how Alexa cherishes and preserves the memory of her beloved Granty.  I truly hope her memories stay strong for the rest of her life...it means the world to me.

Hard not to notice in her poofy pink frock.

Manning her spot at the front of church...ready to step in to help!

A Turkey of Principle

Today I received a mass e-mail from Sprouts, a regional natural/organic grocery store, reminding me to pre-order my Thanksgiving turkey.  I had to smile when I saw the e-mail, thinking back to one of the events of last year's holiday.....

Damon and I planned to host Thanksgiving last year, and despite my culinary limitations, I usually try to go all-out for the holiday in the kitchen.  It's the one time every five years or so that I make an entire meal from scratch - except for desserts...even I know my limitations when it comes to making pies.  Because of the hectic schedule we had last year with Granty's chemo and doctors appointments, I tried to be as organized as possible, selecting the recipes in early November and scouring the grocery sales ads to match my shopping list to the weekly sales.  When Sprouts opened their online pre-orders for farm-fresh turkeys on November 1st, I placed my order that day to ensure we'd have the perfect main course for our Thanksgiving feast.

None of my pre-planning could have prepared me for the events of last year, but thankfully my siblings were there to take over cooking duties and fulfill the Thanksgiving dinner I envisioned (way better than I could have done it).  I remember sitting in Granty's ICU room when my sisters called to tell me that Sprouts had no record of my turkey pre-order, so they had to buy a frozen turkey in its place because all fresh turkeys were reserved.  The rest of my life was spinning entirely out of my control at that point in time, and I refused to let my Thanksgiving dinner fall into that category.  I was incensed.  As silly as it seems, I needed to feel like I had control over at least one aspect of life, and the Thanksgiving turkey became the target.  There was no way I was going to let my vision of a fresh turkey be marred by a frozen turkey.  Truthfully, I don't really even like turkey and probably couldn't tell the difference between fresh and frozen, but this was not about the turkey any more...it was the principle of the situation.

Damon, to whom I always leave the negotiations, called Sprouts to speak to a manager about my misplaced turkey pre-order.  My siblings assured me that they would be able to make the frozen turkey taste delicious, but I continued my pursuit for control.  The manager of Sprouts called Damon back and advised him that they would find a fresh turkey for us.  Since Damon nor I would leave Granty's side, my brother and sister generously volunteered to go to Sprouts to pick up the fresh turkey...probably shaking their heads and wondering what the heck we would do with two Thanksgiving turkeys.

It was very hard to elicit any emotions beyond sadness and despair that week, but I remember a smile coming across my face when my sister texted me a picture of my brother Steve, posing in front of Sprouts with the fresh turkey held like a trophy.  I was even happier when I found out Sprouts had given them the turkey free of charge.  Triumph (and control)!

It's probably a good thing that my sister Terri is hosting Thanksgiving this year....not only is it a sad time of year, but coupling those emotions with a woman who will be eight-months pregnant could be a very dangerous combination!

Enjoying Thanksgiving with a FRESH turkey....

Wiped Out

Late this morning, my phone rang during a meeting, and I looked down to see Alexa's teacher calling me...it's usually not a good sign when the teacher is calling me in the middle of the school day.  I nervously answered the phone, and Alexa's teacher informed me that Alexa was not being her normal self today - - trying to take a nap, resting her head on the table, wanting to stay inside during playground time....very un-Alexa behavior.  Thankfully she didn't have a temperature, but I left the office to go pick her up.  We have a wedding in Fresno this weekend, and the last thing I need is a sick Alexa for the trip.

Never one to shy away from dramatics, Alexa sighed and complained, "I'm so sick..." as we made our way home from school.  However, as soon as she saw our cleaning lady's car in the driveway, she perked up and wanted to help Ms. Elizabeth while she cleaned.  Wait a minute.....for a girl who was supposedly sick, she suddenly had a ton of energy.  For the next hour or so, she ran around the house (while I attempted to keep her out of Elizabeth's way), drew pictures for Elizabeth and looked at some of the Christmas toy catalogs we have received in the mail.

I was starting to think Alexa had pulled a clever ruse on her teacher and me, but I corralled her into her bedroom and closed her blackout curtains.  Within a couple of minutes, she (and Alstott) were fast asleep on her bed and slept for a couple of hours.  She woke up completely rejuvenated and showed no signs of being sick.  Whew!

Although I appreciated her two hour nap this afternoon (I was on conference calls the entire time), payback came tonight, as she is still running around the house and playing pretend at 9pm.  I wish I could take a nap now!

Trying to catch some zzz's mid-lesson....
I feel like doing this at my desk every afternoon!
(Photo from Alexa's teacher)

Quality Time

Today I realized that I took Granty to what would be his final chemotherapy session on this day last year.  I remember all of the details of the day vividly, down to the outfit he was wearing, as it was the first time that the chemo seemed to take its toll upon him.  After the check of his vitals and bloodwork, he slept soundly in my arms during infusion, not even stirring when I moved him from my arms to the infant seat for the drive home.  He even slept through our detour to the grocery store - his last public outing - so I could pick up heavy cream for Alexa to make butter at school.  He was so wiped out, undoubtedly the result of the harsh chemo drugs working their way through his system.

To this day, I still miss my 'Tuesdays with Granty.'  Although the circumstances were dire, it was a bonding experience like I will probably never have again.  His chemo sessions represented a time when I would completely detach from my phone, e-mail, etc... and enjoy the presence of my little boy while I held him in my arms in the infusion chair.  Granty always seemed so peaceful as we sat together, unaware of the hectic pace of the infusion area or the timer dispensing his meds.  This time each Tuesday helped to put life in perspective....I just wish it hadn't taken something so dramatic to insight this outlook.

I'd give anything to have another 'Tuesday with Granty'.....I wouldn't ever trade those hours of holding him in my arms,

My sleepy little boy at his last chemo session....

Hand-Me-Downs!?!

I took advantage of Damon's day off yesterday to do some solo shopping, even getting a jump on some Christmas shopping.  The Carter's children's store had additional markdowns on clearance merchandise, so I took advantage of the sale and picked up a few things for Alexa and baby #3.  Alexa was excited by the new clothes...until she took a quick inventory of the baby's items versus her own.  At that very moment, the reality of a baby sister seemed to register with her.

She immediately ran to her bedroom and closed the door, so I let her have her space for five minutes or so.  When I entered her room, a sobbing Alexa was on her bed crying, "Why don't you like me anymore?"  Oh the drama (the "only child syndrome" we were hoping to avoid)!  I knew immediately that the quantity of newly purchased baby clothes versus her own was the source of her angst, so I calmly reminded her that babies need a lot more clothes because they spit-up and make messes more often.  Besides, I rationalized, "You'll always have new clothes but the baby will have to wear some of your old clothes.  Those are called hand-me-downs."  Well, I didn't exactly get the response I was expecting....you would have thought I told her Christmas was cancelled.  She exclaimed, "WHAT!?!  The baby gets to wear my old clothes?!?"  I had no idea sibling rivalry could start when the baby is in utero....

I was able to talk Alexa out of her frenzied state by recounting stories from my youth in which I had to wear Aunt Karen and Aunt Terri's old clothes (I might have exaggerated a little bit about the ickiness of their clothes ;) .  That seemed to do the trick, and she volunteered to go through the containers of her old clothes with me to pick out clothes that she is willing to share with the baby.  Tonight we stopped into BuyBuyBaby to return something, and she wandered into the infant clothing section and wanted to pick out some outfits for her sister.  Whew...it seems the crisis has been averted (for now).

The next couple of months will bring a lot of change for all of us, but I am hopeful the drama component will subside.  Otherwise, Damon and I are in for some loooong years ahead!

A baby brother was so much easier....no sharing clothes with Granty!

Making a Splash

I have been searching for something different to do with Alexa today, and I stumbled across something I thought she might enjoy - - an Arizona State University swimming and diving meet.  Today's meet was small, featuring only ASU, UCLA and Air Force (men only), so I figured it was the perfect opportunity to introduce Alexa to the sport and see if it was something she enjoyed.  

I am pretty sure this will not be the only meet we will attend this year; we had a great time!  The ASU Aquatic Center is outdoors, so it was a little warm sitting in the desert sun, but thankfully we had prepared and brought our water bottles and sunscreen.  I had never been to a collegiate swim meet, and I could not believe how efficient and fast-paced the meet was conducted - - there was constant activity.  Swimmers for the next race were already on the blocks before the current racers were out of the water.  Meanwhile, the diving competition was happening simultaneously, so there was never a lapse in the action.  Pretty impressive!  Alexa enjoyed the sprint races - - especially the freestyle and backstroke (the two strokes she has learned) - - and the diving.  She loved the flips and spirals of the diving, although she liked the dives more when the divers missed their entrances into the water and made huge splashes...not exactly consistent with the scores, but she enjoyed it nevertheless.  I'm not sure if it was the heat or the excitement of the competition, but Alexa commented more than once, "I wish I was in the pool with them."

As we left the meet, Alexa informed me that she is going to be on the swim team when she's in college.  However, her ambition does not stop there....according to her, she'll also be on the gymnastics and tennis teams.  She'll be one busy girl, but I don't think her extracurricular activities will interfere with the curriculum for her major - she informed me she wants to be a jaguar when she grows up.  :)  

Enjoying the action while sporting Mommy's sunglasses.

Long Overdue

Today I fulfilled an obligation to Alexa for which I have been on the hook for over a year - - I volunteered as a parent helper for Park Day at her school.  On Park Day, Alexa and her classmates wear their purple polo shirts to school and each classroom walks to the neighboring park for a concert by the music teacher, lunch and playground time.  Park Day is a much-anticipated event for Alexa and is a highlight of the monthly school calendar.

Needless to say, we had a lot happening last year, something Alexa understood very well (especially for a three year-old), but her disappointment was obvious when I wasn't able to volunteer.  I knew I needed to redeem myself this year, and as soon as the sign-up sheets were released, I committed to volunteer at two of the three planned Park Days for the school year.

Alexa flashed me her signature smirk as soon as I entered the classroom, and it look every bit of self-restraint for her not leave her place on the rug and run to me.  Her excitement made my day, and the e-mails I knew were building up in my Inbox became the furthest thing from my mind.  For the next three hours, I enjoyed watching Alexa interact with her classmates and helped kids out on the monkey bars and zip line (after I assured the teachers I had no restrictions that would prevent me from lifting up the children).  The children were pretty exhausted as we made our way back to the school, and the fatigue was further-evidenced when Alexa fell asleep on the couch at 7:30 tonight.

I enjoyed the time I spent with Alexa and her classmates, but I was worn out when I came home to work remotely for the afternoon.  I have a new-found respect for teachers - - I don't know how they do it every day!

Enjoying a trip down the slide.

Change of Plans

Although I'm very excited about Baby #3's arrival, there are some definite downsides to having a baby in January....the reset of medical benefits and deductibles, trying to juggle preparation for the arrival in the midst of the holiday season, and no travel for me this Christmas.  The latter is the biggest downside for me, but doctor's orders prohibit me from traveling so close to my due date.

With both families out of town, Damon and I have adopted a rotational schedule and travel every year to St. Louis or Fresno for the Christmas holiday.  We've never had a Christmas Eve or Christmas Day morning with "just us", so this will be an entirely new experience this Christmas.  Alexa and I will have Christmas Eve dinner at Wildfish (hopefully Damon can sit down to join us), but I was searching for something else special to do with Alexa on Christmas Eve to substitute the normal family festivities.  I found what I think will be the perfect activity - - a matinee show of Ballet Arizona and Phoenix Symphony's production of "The Nutcracker."

I was very excited to share the plans with Alexa, as I have very fond memories of attending "The Nutcracker" with my godparents at Powell Symphony Hall in St. Louis when I was young.  I'll never forget when they took me to T.G.I Friday's and treated me to a virgin strawberry daiquiri (my first) after the show....life was good for an eight year-old :)  Alexa's enthusiasm grew as I showed her pictures from the ballet company's website and explained the storyline to her.  However, I think her Halloween costume went straight to her head, as Alexa declared, "And I can wear my tutu and dance on the stage too!!!"  Umm...not exactly, but I do admire her enthusiasm.  Although I wish we could be with our extended family on the 24th, I think we have a pretty good plan for Christmas Eve and should enjoy our time together.

Holiday travel is usually my excuse for not going all-out and decorating the house for Christmas, so my travel restriction has taken away the rationale for not decorating.  I have a feeling Alexa and I will be very busy decorating the house in early December.....

There won't be any snow this Christmas, but we'll make the best of it!

My Little Helper

There's no denying Alexa's excitement about the birth of her new sister - - she has begun to talk to the baby, yelling into my belly to "come out soon!"  Alexa is not as familiar with the calendar months as she is with days of the week, so she has framed the expected arrival as being after Christmas and before Valentine's Day...both very important events in the life of a four year-old (or four-and-a-half as she always reminds me).

Compared to Grant's birth, Alexa is extremely anxious for her baby sister to arrive; it's amazing the difference just 18-months makes in her understanding and maturity.  Granty's birth was a new experience for which she had no expectations, but it's a different story this time around - she's a seasoned pro!  She is ready to play the role of "Mommy's helper," wanting to hold and feed the baby.  She was able to get some valuable practice when we were in St. Louis, as she eagerly awaited for her cousin Alana (4-months) to come over each day to hold and play with her.  I'll have to keep a very close eye on Alexa and her new sibling, as her holding techniques were a little less than ideal :)  Nevertheless, it's comforting to know that Alexa is excited for her new sister and the joy the baby will bring to our family.

Not only will Alexa be helping me with the baby, but it also sounds like she wants to help me as my personal trainer.  Tonight she told me I could be on "The Biggest Loser" once the baby comes to make my stomach flat again...ouch!  She's a harsh critic, but she'll definitely give me the motivation I need to lose the baby weight.

Alexa could not wait to "hold" her cousin Alana....
we'll work on her technique in the next couple of months!

Happy 17-Month Birthday!

Grant would have turned seventeen months-old today (the 3rd)....it's another sleepless night, so I'm actually updating this at 1:30 am on the 4th.

I cannot believe how quickly time has passed.  I think back to Alexa at that age, and it's hard to imagine my little guy running around like a wild man and getting into everything.  One of the things I'll always wonder is how Granty's personality would have evolved and developed has he grew older.  His personality was so big at just five months-old, I cannot imagine it dissipating over time.  I definitely would have my hands full with these two kiddos.

While I was collecting clothes from the hamper this afternoon, Alexa approached me with her arms open and asking for a hug.  Of course, I immediately dropped the clothes and crouched down to hug her.  Out of nowhere, she said, "Mommy, I really miss Granty."  I'm not sure what sparked the comment, as Damon and I had not mentioned him nor had she heard 'Gone Gone Gone' today, but this simple statement reiterated the reality to which we've all had to adjust over the past eleven months.  No matter what is happening, there is a constant void that never disappears; the sense of loss may vary in strength but never goes away.

Just like Alexa, we all miss Grant.  I wish he was here today so we could all see the toddler into which he would have evolved.  Happy 17-Month Birthday, Granty!

Always ready for a good time!

Tough Student

Whenever the Olympics or professional sports are on television, it's always interesting to see the stories of a parent acting as a child's coach....I can guarantee that will not be the situation for Alexa and myself.

Tonight Alexa, who is still in ballerina mode from Halloween, wanted to play dance school, and she asked me to be the instructor.  I was more than happy to oblige, as this is much more up my alley than playing 'Top Chef' with her.  I'm not a ballet expert by any means, but I do know the basics - including the five positions of ballet, so I thought that would be the perfect lesson as we played dance school.  My lessons lasted maybe five minutes before Alexa got frustrated, at both herself and me, and decided she did not want me to be her teacher anymore.  She was not too happy when I would correct her or re-position her feet when they were not pointing in the right direction.  After she ditched me as her dance teach, she pranced around the house and sashayed her hips to her own rhythm....definitely not ballet, but she was having a good time.

We've had similar experiences when I have tried to teach her gymnastics and basic academic lessons, so I wasn't too surprised.  I think she's too much like me in many aspects - she's a total perfectionist.  Poor thing.  Of all of my traits to inherit... :)

Mommy's Ballet School was short-lived....I'll leave her instruction to the pros.