Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!

My alarm went off promptly at 5:30am, and Damon kindly volunteered to venture out to the backyard to hide the plastic eggs I had filled for Alexa.  After 6am, I heard Alexa excitedly talking in the kitchen, having seen her Easter basket on the island.  She reviewed the contents of the basket, proclaiming the Easter Bunny gave her everything she wanted.  Success!  The Easter egg hunt in the backyard was an even bigger hit, as she found the eggs filled with Goldfish crackers, fruit snacks, silly band bracelets, Skittles, pretzel M&M's and jellybeans.  I thought this was a pretty good variety, but I think Alexa cracked open each egg and expected to find something different in each one.  This Easter Bunny buys in bulk.... :)  Nevertheless, she was thrilled with her haul, and the whirlwind morning was complete by 7am!

After a delicious brunch buffet at The Roaring Fork restaurant, Damon unfortunately had to go to work since he had taken off on Thursday.  Alexa and I were initially planning to have dinner at Wildfish, but the brunch left us absolutely stuffed...I don't think either of us thought about food all day.  And if you know Alexa and her love of snacking, you can only imagine how full we were after brunch!  Alexa and I spent the rest of our day making Easter arts & crafts and enjoying some time outside in the beautiful weather, staying busy with the hula hoop, trampoline and bubbles.

Despite the joy of the day, I know all of us felt a sense of sadness without our Granty.  Last Easter, I was over seven months pregnant - - it's almost a surreal feeling to know that I still had to assemble only one Easter basket a year later....we miss our boy and a day doesn't pass without thinking of him.  Papa Hovey paid a visit to him today for us.

XOXO

That crazy bunny didn't eat all of his carrots....

One heavy basket. :)

Checking out the haul - and sneaking a few jellybeans for breakfast.

Happy Easter!!

Excitement is Building....

The excitement and anticipation of Easter culminated today for Alexa....

Unlike most kids, Alexa's favorite holiday, hands-down, is Easter.  I welcomed her excitement for the holiday, as it was much easier for me to share her enthusiasm now versus this past December with Christmas.  As I took an inventory of the items I bought and stuffed 30+ plastic eggs (the egg hunt will take forever tomorrow morning!), I realized I probably went a bit overboard.  I still haven't gotten the hang of scaling back to one kiddo.  Oh well...the Easter basket items - a My Little Pony and matching beach towel, electric toothbrush, hair clips, etc. - are all items that will get plenty of use.

Tonight was the easiest night I have ever experienced when getting her ready for bed - - at 5 o'clock, she was already asking me if it was time to go to bed so the Easter Bunny could come.  She was even straightening up the house with me, wanting to make sure there were no trip hazards for the famed bunny.  It's too bad Easter cannot be every day.

I already had Damon turn off the sprinkler system in the yard, so the only thing left is to remember not to let Alstott outside in the morning after I hide the eggs.  Otherwise, we will have the shortest egg hunt ever, as our puggle is sure to find each of the eggs if there's food inside them!

As I set out her Easter basket on the island in the kitchen, Alexa asked me why Granty didn't have a basket with his name on it like she does.  She always seems to catch me off-guard with these questions!  Thankfully, my response that he had his "Grant" Easter basket in heaven seemed to satisfy her concern (good thing she didn't ask about shipping!).  It still makes me happier than anything to know that she's still watching out for her baby brother.

The "Alexa" basket of goodies....

Golf Anyone?

I am very proud to announce the Grant Hovannisian Memorial Golf Tournament will be held in Fresno on Saturday, May 4th.  Damon's brother Vincent derived the event, and he, along with Damon's sister Gia, are planning the entire event (I take no credit whatsoever).  All proceeds will benefit Phoenix Children's Hospital, and based upon the feedback and responses Vincent has already received, it looks to be a great fundraiser for a cause so close to our hearts.

I cannot tell you how honored Damon and I are to have this event in Granty's name; it is yet another positive way to preserve our little guy's legacy.  There's no doubt how proud Granty would be of his aunt and uncle.

The adorable invitations (front & back):

Jam-Packed

As much as I love spending quality time with Alexa, it is nice to get a break once in a while, and today Damon provided me with exactly that.

Because of the upcoming Easter holiday and the following week's trip to St. Louis, Alexa has two consecutive Thursdays of gymnastics from 4-5pm, following by her usual swimming lesson from 6-6:30pm.  Needless to say, it is a bit tough from me to get out of the office in time to pick her up from school at 3:30pm, so Damon was kind enough to change his schedule to take tonight off (he'll work Easter Sunday instead).  This morning I packed Alexa's gym bag with a leotard (and matching hair clip, of course), cover-up skirt, swimsuit, towel and pajamas for changing after swim.  Damon just shook his head and laughed as I explained the agenda for the night, and the wardrobe change required for each.

I knew Damon had it under control, so it was extremely relaxing to drive home from work without having to continually check the clock and worry about making it to Alexa's school on time.  Tonight I was able to swing by the pharmacy and squeeze in a 5-mile run (and ab workout) all before Alexa and Damon made it home from swimming.  I felt like a real "lady of leisure" running on the treadmill while it was still light outside....

As much as I enjoyed my two-hour break, I was very excited to see them both when they came home after swimming.  According to Alexa, she actually let go of Coach Anthony tonight (confirmed by Damon), and she did perfect cartwheels at gymnastics.  Sounds like a great night was had by all!

The crew..... :)

Jellybeaned-Out!

When my parents were visiting over Alexa's Spring Break, they took her to one of her favorite places - the Scottsdale Public Library.  She can spend hours at the library, playing with the puppets, listening to the books on tape and messing around with the various exhibits they have for the kids.  All of the checkouts are self-check, so Little Miss Independent loves to check out the items by herself.  She usually has amassed quite a collection of books and videos, so this checkout process sometimes feels like it takes just as long as the visit itself.

Despite checking out a plethora of books, Alexa will usually hone in on one or two that we will read repeatedly.  Our nightly reading routine is quite entertaining - - I will read her a book at least two times (the current one is "The Jellybeans and the Big Dance"), and then she will 'read' the book back to me once or twice.  It's pretty impressive to hear how well she remembers the story and mimics my inflection.  Even more impressive is her ability to hear the same story over and over and over again without growing tired of it.  I'm eagerly looking forward to the due date for this "Jellybeans" book.

It used to be our weekly routine - - every Friday, Granty and I would pick up Alexa from Aftercare and head over to the library until it closed at 6pm.  In addition to her own books and videos, Alexa would always pick out a couple of board books for me to read to Granty.  I need to restart the routine, but it will be very different without having our little boy in tow....

One of my favorite photos - Alexa reading "Pinkalicious" to Granty.

Giraffe Namesake?

I had seen a news headline about a rare species of giraffe, the Rothschild Giraffe, born at a Conservation Center in Connecticut, and I immediately thought of Granty.  My friend Molly had the same thought, as she e-mailed me a link to one of the news stories about the birth (http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/03/rare-giraffe-born-in-connecticut/)... great minds really do think alike :)

Tonight Alexa and I looked at pictures of the newborn giraffe on the Internet, and she ooh'ed and aah'ed over how cute the baby is (in her words - "Cute like Granty!).  She was definitely more interested in the pictures of the giraffes than the fun facts about the Rothschild species that I was plucking from various sites - they can have up to five horns and are 20-feet tall!  She did seem to think it was pretty cool that this species is considered to be the tallest land animal; if there's a superlative involved (since everything seems to be a competition these days), she's interested.  lol

The LEO Zoological Conservation Center is hosting a contest to name the giraffe, so naturally, I think Granty (or even Grantie)  would be the perfect name for this female giraffe.  I know it's a long-shot, but I am planning to write a letter about our Granty's story and submit it for the naming contest.  Since Granty already has a herd of giraffes at zoos throughout the US, I figured having one named after him is the next-best thing!

What a cute "little" baby....she already stands 6-feet tall!
LEO Zoological Conservation Center/AP photo 

Four Months....

Four long months...

It's tough to adjust to the pervasiveness of this level of grief; it can quickly become all-consuming.  I'll be the first to admit that I have intentionally kept myself extremely busy over the past few months simply to avoid falling into the "black hole" of sadness.  Whevenever I have a moment of downtime, my thoughts always go to Granty.  I relive so many of the moments of his life - - from the most joyous, to the most mundane (the things that became Granty-esque), to the saddest moments I will likely ever experience.

In the past four months, we have had plenty of moments of joy and happiness, but, even in these light-hearted moments, there's always an underlying feeling of emptiness.  I know Damon and I both feel it, but we also see it in Alexa, just as she mentioned Granty while decorating Easter eggs.  We all miss our boy, and there's not a day that goes by without him being mentioned in some context.  It's not easy to go from a family of four back to a family of three.....

Grant on his four-month birthday in PICU at Phoenix Children's -
Nurse Mandy put together one of her famous wagons for our little
guy to be paraded around the 6th floor.  Mr. Popular :)

A Little R&R

Today was one of those perfect Sundays in which we had no plans or specific things (except 11am swimming) that we had to do.  Alexa and I met up with Damon at Pei Wei for lunch after swimming, stopped into Target and spent the rest of the day relaxing at home.  After the busy day yesterday and an early wake-up this morning, the day caught up to Alexa...she actually took about a two hour nap on the couch (with Alstott) this afternoon.  This is definitely not a common occurrence, so I was sure to take advantage of the downtime by watching some of the NCAA tournament and finally starting to organize my closet (something I've been pushing off forever).

Even though Purdue's not in the tournament, I still enjoy watching the games and will usually have the television on in the background, casually checking the scores when I'm in and out of the room.  I had the SLU game on yesterday and the volume muted, and by the freeze-frame on the screen, I could tell they were talking about a special Billikens fan in the stands.  I took one look at the tv, and, judging from the scars and what appeared to be a shunt, I immediately guessed that the young boy had a brain tumor.  Sure enough - - I was right.  I rewound the dvr to hear about the story, and, although it was a different type of tumor than Granty's, the parallels were very similar, as this boy had been diagnosed at just two months-old.  The story of the SLU basketball team embracing this cancer patient is heart-warming (http://www.stltoday.com/sports/college/slu/billikens-inspired-by--year-old-fan/article_393bfa11-229f-5b73-ac6e-6a720d380b4f.html), but it definitely puts in perspective the tough road that brain cancer patients face.  Whether it's a parent's instinct of not wanting to see your child suffer or a grief-induced rationalization process, I hear these stories and am so grateful that Granty never suffered nor had to endure a life of worry.  I'd give anything to have my little boy back, but I do find solace in the quality of life he had for those 175-days.  As the shirt of an Oncology PT at Phoenix Children's read - "Cancer Sucks."  Now we just hope for a cure.

Alexa & Alstott napping together on the couch...
there's a first for everything.

Not too happy that I woke him up with my impromptu photo session.

Eggs-ellent Day (har har)

Easter has always been a fun holiday with Alexa...she loves dying the eggs, toting an Easter basket and hunting for the eggs (the candy-filled ones, of course).  Apparently the Easter Bunny is a lot less intimidating than Santa, as she's not nearly as terrified to see the Easter Bunny like she is Santa.  Today was a great day for her, as gymnastics class included a egg hunt, and we picked up BFF Gabriella on our way home from the gym for a playdate that included dying Easter eggs.

Easter eggs have come a long way since I was a kid.  I remember the fanciest eggs we created were the tie-dyed variety.  Today the standards have changed.  The Paas Easter Egg Kit I bought included glitter pens, foam stamps, glitter, beads, sequins, stickers, white crayons, stand-up cards, rubber bands (for striped eggs) and paint.  The girls had trouble deciding what to do first...so many choices!

The girls were meticulous in their creative processes - I couldn't believe how long it took them to create two dozen (less a couple of cracked ones) eggs.  The paint and glitter glue, the two messiest options, seemed to be the most popular for the girls.  The mess was the farthest thing from my mind - it was fantastic to hear the laughter, dialogue and silliness of these girls as they dyed.  I must have heard them compliment each other at least twenty times for the other's "beautiful" eggs.  After nearly two hours of hard work, we had quite the collection of very well-decorated eggs.  

As they dyed their eggs, Alexa mentioned to Gabriella that she was making one of the eggs for Granty and that he could see it from heaven.  I was so happy to overhear this comment; I cannot tell you how meaningful it is to know that Alexa continues to include Granty in our lives.  The fantastic 175 days of Granty may live on for the next 96 years through his beloved big sister.... :)

One happy girl!

Working very hard at painting the eggs (not exactly per the instructions).

The Power of a Polo

As a product of private, Catholic schools, I didn't have a second thought about wearing a school uniform, as it was simply the norm for 12+ years to have a school uniform.  I never fully appreciated the ease, not the mention the value, of uniforms until I had a daughter of my own.  Oh how I wish she had a uniform!  That would eliminate the daily challenge of finding the perfect outfit to wear to school (no pants...it must be a dress or skirt that can twirl) and preserve her cute clothes from the perils of a sandy playground.

In her Primary class at her Montessori school, it's a mixed-age classroom, with the students ranging from three years-old to kindergarten.  The "kinders" are the only students at this campus who are required to wear a school uniform, a monogrammed purple or white polo shirt.  Alexa cannot wait to be a Kinder, simply for the privilege of wearing the uniform.  

Today was a special Friday for Alexa....it was Park Day at school!  Alexa absolutely loves Park Day, not only because she gets to go to a park with a cool playground (accompanied by the music teacher who's the equivalent of a rock star at the school), but also because she gets to wear the purple uniform shirt to school.  She loves the idea of wearing the uniform polo, as I think she feels a sense of pride and belonging when she's sporting the shirt that's normally exclusive to the Kinder class.  Tonight as she was changing for bed, she was begging me to let her wear her purple polo shirt that she'd been wearing all day.  As cute as she looks in the shirt, there was no way she was going to win that battle with me...'mean Mommy' forced her to change, with the promise that I'd be washing the shirt tomorrow.

I don't ever remember being as excited as Alexa to wear a school uniform...maybe the horrible brown plaid uniforms at North American Martyrs school had something to do with that. :)

Sporting the Mission Montessori polo at an 

after-school event at the pumpkin patch last fall.

(Alexa on the far-right.)

Check-Up

Today was quite the non-stop day for Alexa and myself.  After a 5:30 wake up (ugh), we had her four-year checkup with the pediatrician, a full day of work/school and swimming.  I left work later than anticipated, so I only had a few minutes to swing by the house and then had to pick up Alexa and go immediately to swim.  Poor Alexa was nearly falling asleep at dinner, and she crashed on the couch by 7:45 tonight.

I was looking forward to Alexa's doctor's appointment, as it was an opportunity for me to see Dr. Z. and Nurse Nichole, both of whom were major parts of Granty's life.  Nichole is the nurse that Grant always cooed and smiled at....she was Granty's first 'girlfriend' (I don't think her husband Joe was too threatened), and she became a very good friend to our family.  This dynamic duo of Dr. Z. and Nichole went above and beyond whenever it came to Granty, so Alexa's appointment was a good chance to see them again and catch-up.  One of the positives about the experience with Grant has been the relationships we've developed with some of the wonderful people who cared for our little boy.  I have a feeling many of these relationships will evolved into life-long friendships....

SWIM UPDATE - - Let's just say there were more tears shed at swimming than there were at the doctor's office after getting 4 shots (one in each thigh and each arm).  Not a good lesson at all...she was doing everything in her power to make sure Coach Anthony did not let go of her, and she began crying (and negotiating) every time he tried to get out of her grasp.  Let's hope tonight's lesson was related to tiredness and her Sunday lesson will be an improvement.

Nichole and I at the Run to Fight Cancer....
What an awesome show of support for her 'boyfriend' Granty!

Two-Thirds

I must admit, having the gymnastics equipment at home has been a blast for both Alexa and myself.  This birthday gift was purchased knowing that I would probably enjoy it just as much as Alexa.  The two of us open up Hovey Gymnastics nightly, practicing different routines and skills.  My favorite is when Alexa pretends she's the coach and I'm "the kid," and she coaches me through various elements.  It's hilarious to hear her encourage me and give accolades for a job well-done...apparently she thinks I'm pretty good at walking the balance beam on my tippy toes.

Tonight Alexa mastered her cartwheels, something I've been practicing with her for a couple of weeks.  I decided to forgo the methodical, step-by-step instructions and told her just to do it by herself - - and she did.   I was very impressed, as she was even doing them from a running start.  Needless to say, she was extremely proud of her self, and I was cheering for her like she had just won an Olympic medal (she had to settle for donning my 'Run to Fight Cancer' medal).  We were laughing, cheering and having a great time, when Alexa suddenly said, "I wish Granty was here watching us."  Me too, kiddo.

With Damon's schedule forcing him to work most nights, Alexa, Granty and I had developed a strong dynamic, and our smiley little guy was right in the middle of it.  It's moments like tonight, when we're laughing and having fun, that Granty's absence becomes more noticeable.  There's no doubt that Granty would have been sitting in his bouncy seat (or probably crawling around by now), laughing with delight, as he'd be watching Alexa and I perfect our cartwheels and aerials.  As much fun as Alexa and I have together, it is very obvious that there's a piece missing.  Even the most fun moments evoke a sense of sadness and longing to have our little boy with us.

Our little monkey....

LC - Little Connie

When my parents were in town watching Alexa while she was on Spring Break, my mom commented numerous times about how much Alexa reminds her of me at that age.  As if we needed more proof that Alexa's morphing into a 'Mini-Me,' she's now developing an affinity for budgets and the budgeting process....LC - Little Connie.

This past weekend I was growing tired of the repeated questions of whether she could have something to eat or watch something on tv, so I implemented a per diem system for these items.  She's allowed one dessert/sweet snack and one television show per day (two on the weekends), and it is hilarious to hear her plan her budget each day.  She's really embraced the process!  She usually plans her desserts for the next two days, as she'll have trouble deciding between two options (NeNe's Rice Krispie Treats and ice cream were tough competitors).  Her television show is reserved for the nighttime - she always wants to make sure it's dark outside before she'll use up her "budget" of one television show.  When she wakes up each morning, she confirms her daily budget with me, and after that, I hear no other questions nor whining for the rest of the day.  It's been a wonderful few days, so I'm really hoping the process sticks!

Since she's embracing the budget process, Damon and I have decided we're going to start introducing the concept of monetary budgets to her.  Alexa and I stopped at the grocery store after I picked her up from school, and the display of pre-made Easter baskets caught her eye.  Naturally, she wanted me to buy her the biggest basket they had, but when I told her that would be at least 20-days of sweets and cost her all of the coins in her piggy bank (she assigns a lot more value to coins than paper money), she immediately put the basket back on the shelf.   Atta girl!

Two peas in a pod :)

Play Ball!

Warning - - the content of this post may be offensive to San Francisco Giants fans. :)

I think Alexa's getting excited for the 2013 baseball season...we've been practicing her recitation of the St. Louis Cardinals lineup, and she even cheers for Puerto Rico in the WBC because of two Cardinals - Yadier Molina and Carlos Beltran - on their roster.  Yadier Molina is her favorite player, largely because he sports the number four (since that's how old she is), and she loves to chant "YA-DI!  YA-DI!"  Tonight she needed help with something in the playroom, and while I was in the kitchen, I started to hear the chant, "MOM-MY!  MOM-MY!" in the same rhythm of the "YA-DI" chant.  That's my girl....

I made a comment to Alexa about how much she likes the Cardinals, and she responded, "And Granty loved the Cardinals too!  He's a boy, so he could have played on the Cardinals with Yadi."  It made me very happy to hear Alexa think so fondly of her baby brother.  I immediately thought of my brother's speech at the luncheon after Granty's funeral, in which Steve said he would always associate Granty with the team.  Granty seemingly had a never-ending collection of Cardinals apparel, bibs, etc... along with his beloved stuffed Fredbird.  It's no coincidence that we've incorporated this little boy we love so much into everything we love (or like a lot) in life, like the St. Louis Cardinals.  :)

Our other Cardinals fan - - he amassed quite the 

collection of Cardinals gear over his life.  

A Dash of Green

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Since neither Damon nor I have a drop of Irish heritage in our blood, I have to admit this is one holiday that we don't really celebrate.  I had actually forgotten it was this weekend until Alexa's gymnastics coach jokingly chided me for sending Alexa in a hot pink leotard without a stitch of green yesterday.  I did redeem myself today and made sure Alexa donned her green-striped bikini for swimming lessons.  I have gotten better about making sure to wear green, as for Alexa's first St. Patrick's Day, my friend Molly was aghast that Alexa had no green in her wardrobe whatsoever, so she send Alexa a cute monogrammed green "A" shirt.  I even planned to make corned beef for dinner tonight, but Damon saw the leftover Costco hot dogs in the freezer and deemed that a better option.  Maybe next year.... :)

Like yesterday, today was another busy day with Alexa - - the workweek is going to seem like a relaxing get-away.  After practicing our gymnastics on her equipment this morning (my skills have definitely waned from 20 years ago), we spent over an hour and a half in the pool this afternoon.  Even a post-swim trampoline session did not wear her out...whew!  Maybe we do need to get a foam pit at the house...lol.

Granty did have green in his wardrobe and toys,

including his beloved Bumbo seat.  (love this pic)

Warming Up

After some unseasonably cool weeks, the weather has finally returned to normal in Arizona, with temperatures creeping up to 90-degrees.  Yah!  Alexa and I took advantage of the beautiful weather and enjoyed an afternoon outside - - taking a swim in our pool for the first time this year.  I have a new level of respect for what Coach Anthony and Coach Nick endure each week...this little girl is strong and has a solid grip!  We did practice some of her swimming maneuvers, with my hope that this additional practice will increase her comfort level in the water.  If the wonderful weather continues, my goal is to take her in the pool at least one to two nights a week.  I figure the more practice the better!

As we were swimming around this afternoon, I couldn't help but think how easy - - too easy - - things have become with only one kiddo.  I remember the last time Alexa and I were swimming, I had the baby monitor perched by the pool, listening for Granty to wake up from his nap.  I wish I could have taken little G in the pool, but his broviac and NG tube prevented him from getting in the pool.  He love his baths so much, I can only imagine the fun he'd be having splashing around in the beautiful sunshine.  He'd probably be teaching Alexa how to swim in a couple more months - lol.  There's a cute pair of untouched swim trunks in his armoire - oh, how I wish......

The Hovey girls get ready to swim....

Happy that the pool water is no longer frigid!

What a Week!

It's hard to believe this week is over....Alexa's had quite the Spring Break with NeNe and Papa, and today was highlighted by a trip to the spray ground with BFF Gabriella (thank you, Jenny!).  It's going to be a rude awakening for Alexa on Monday morning when she returns to school.  I'm sure Alexa won't be the only one suffering from a Spring Break 'hangover'.

I think I'm also going to get a rude awakening on Monday, as my parents fly back to St. Louis tomorrow morning.  Just as Alexa has enjoyed every minute of their visit, I've also become spoiled by having my laundry done, dishes washed, dinner waiting for me when I get home from work....  It has been wonderful having them in-town, and I've been dropping subtle hints about their need for a winter home here in Scottsdale.  I figure I don't have too much competition from my siblings when it comes to locale for a winter home (Chicago, Milwaukee and Denver)....  I'm pretty sure that won't happen, so we'll just continue to enjoy their visits, and I know Alexa will eagerly await their next week-long stay.

My cousin Emily sent me this picture from the St. Louis Zoo today, as her family went and paid a visit to Granty's giraffes.  She said Granty must have been smiling down on them today, as the weather was sunny and in the 70's, a contrast to the dreary weather they've been having.  She also did a little browsing in the gift shop....looks like I'm going to have to buy Alexa a bracelet next time we're in St. Louis!  With all of this giraffe stuff I "have" to buy, I'm starting to wish Granty had a more obscure animal association (maybe a mongoose.... :)

Granty's Giraffes at the St. Louis Zoo.

A "must-buy" bracelet for Alexa.

Finally - - A Breakthrough!

Thursday night swim lessons.....Alexa was initially dreading swimming tonight - when I called my mom to let her know I was on my way home from work, a sobbing Alexa picked up the phone and begged not to go to swim.  I've learned very quickly that she loves to make her own decisions and feel like she's in control (apple doesn't fall far from the tree), so I gave her two choices when I came home: 1) Go to swim lesson tonight and go swimming with me at home tomorrow night or 2) Skip swimming and we'd drain the pool in our backyard.  When given these two options, she quickly opted for the former.  Once she had made her decision, she didn't say another word about going, and she was extremely excited to see that Coach Anthony was back in the pool tonight.

Tonight we finally had a major breakthrough at swimming!  I knew it was going to be a good lesson, when Alexa went underwater without hesitation.  However, she had Coach Anthony and I laughing and shaking our heads at the maneuvers she was doing to make sure he did not let go of her.  At one point, Anthony was shaking his wrist to relieve it from the Alexa Death Grip.  Despite her fear, Alexa was smiling and laughing the entire lesson, and on her very last backfloat of the night, she finally let go of Coach Anthony and flipped to swim to the wall.  Anthony, Nick (who happened to be hanging out on the pool deck) and I were elated - - finally!  The guys were high-fiving her like she had just swum the English Channel, and I made a pointed effort to make sure she knew how proud I was.  I'm hoping this is beginning of  'real' swimming for her....fingers crossed!

Swimming with Coach Anthony - -
this is while she still had the death grip :)

Untouched

I was searching for a t-shirt in my closet today, and I stumbled across the gym bag that I had used for my overnights at Phoenix Children's Hospital.  It's been over three months, but I'm still not able to unpack the bag from that final stay.  In addition to toiletries and a curling iron, there are a lot of Granty's  personal effects that I cannot bear to take out of the bag (button-up shirts and sleepers, his musical seahorse).  I know there's no logic nor reason why I cannot unpack the bag (especially my own items), but for me, it's just one of the oddities of grief that has kept the bag untouched.  Damon and I both feel the same way about his bedroom - - the room is off-limits for all intents and purposes, and I honestly don't know if we'll ever use his room again...even if we have another baby.  I think both of these can be attributed to the idiosyncratic behaviors that seem to accompany grief; it's amazing the power that the heart can have over the brain.

On a MUCH lighter note, I think Damon and I are going to have to recalibrate Alexa back to reality.  The gymnastics equipment she received for her birthday seems to have gone straight to her head.  As Alexa and I were leaving her gymnastics class this evening, she asked me why she didn't have a foam pit at home.  Oy...  :)

Sporting one of the button-up shirts that's
in the gym bag in my closet.  I loved this little
preppy outfit (he's not wearing the matching overalls
in this pic) on him.  Such a handsome little guy!

A Day at the Museum

Spring Break has not meant rest and relaxation for Alexa - - this little girl has had non-stop activity since Saturday!

Today NeNe and Papa Niehoff took Alexa to the Scottsdale Public Library in the morning, and then they headed to the Phoenix Children's Museum this afternoon.  Whew!  I think the last time Alexa had been the Children's Museum was during her Spring Break last year, and my parents could not get over the change that one year makes.  She was bounding from one exhibit to the next, and she even climbed to the very top of the massive climber with Papa (NeNe seemed content to stay on the ground).  Some things never change though - when I was asking Alexa about her favorite things she did at the Children's Museum, the play grocery store and the pool noodle 'forrest' were still at the top of her list.

The non-stop activity caught up to her a bit, as she fell asleep during the car ride home from the museum, and she was very eager to change into her pajamas to get ready for bed tonight.  As I hung out with her watching a 30-minute 'My Little Pony' video before bed, out of nowhere she looked at me and said, "I had so much fun today, but I still miss my baby Granty a lot."  I'm glad to see that even on the busiest and most fun days, Alexa still has a bit of her heart and mind dedicated to Granty.  What a sweet girl and great big sister!

The fun of the week will continue tomorrow - - make-up gymnastics class (from her missed lesson on Saturday) tomorrow night!

Apparently grocery shopping with Mommy
is rubbing off - a cart full of fruit.

At the top of the climber with Papa Niehoff.

Motivating Factor

Alexa has Spring Break all week, so my parents have been gracious enough to stay here in Scottsdale for the week, as Damon can't exactly take a week of vacation in the middle of MLB Spring Training and the busy season in AZ.  Tonight, it was wonderful to come home from work - Alexa ran out to the car to greet me, dinner was ready on the stove, Alexa and I had time for some gymnastics....heaven compared to the normal rush routine of picking up Alexa and whipping together a meal within 30 minutes.  I could definitely get used to this.  :)

The St. Louis Half-Marathon is quickly approaching, and I've been sticking to a training plan reasonably well.  However, with the activity-filled weekend, I did not get a chance to work in the 10 mile run that was on the plan.  I was extremely tired when I got home from work today, but I knew I had to complete this workout (and take advantage of the extra eyes to watch Alexa).  It was too dark for an outdoor run, so I hopped on my trusty treadmill and set my sights on completing this 10 mile run.

Running has been a great release for me over the past few months, but it's not always easy to get motivated to run.  However, the placement of Granty's 20x30 poster on the wall in front of the treadmill is perfect - - I find so much motivation looking at my little guy, smiling while wearing his St. Louis Cardinals bib.  Tonight was definitely one of those nights when I relied on the image of his smile and happy eyes to help me get through the run.  With "The Biggest Loser" (another motivating factor, but not nearly as powerful as Granty) playing on the DVR and the image of my Granty in front of me, I am  very proud to report that I made it through the entire 10 mile run.  Not only was this the farthest I have run since giving birth to Granty, but I completed the run, albeit treadmill with only a 0.5 incline, in 78 minutes and 36 seconds (7:51 min/mile).  Not too shabby!

Thanks, Granty, for getting me through this run!

Party Day!

All of the months of planning culminated this afternoon with Alexa's much-anticipated birthday party.  The focal point of the party were mini-cupcakes (strawberry cake and white cake) with pink and purple sprinkles.  Since I can never do things simply, I had trolled the internet for the perfect way to display the cupcakes, and I settled upon a gadget called the 'Pastry Pedestal' found some coordinating Sixlet candies to add to the display.  The most time-consuming part of this project were the cupcake toppers - I hand-made all 50+ toppers with custom-printed gymnastic stickers, a paper punch, lollipop sticks and a gemstone/crystal (she is 50% Armenian) on each one.  I was extremely pleased with how the display turned out, and Alexa seemed just as pleased.  I'm going to have to find a new project now that this party is complete....

Alexa knew she would be getting her big gift from Damon and myself after swimming today, so I could not drive home fast enough for her...although she wasn't too crushed when we stopped at Party City and bought the biggest 'My Little Pony' balloon you've ever seen.  The big gift was assembled and waiting for her when we got home.....drumroll.....gymnastics equipment!  We broke down (I was sick of Alexa hanging upside-down from my treadmill) and bought Alexa a purple balance beam, pink & purple mat and a kip bar.  The look on her face was priceless, and she proclaimed that this was the gift she always wanted.  I had never heard her ask for it before, but I took that as a good sign that she was satisfied.  I have a feeling the two of us will spend many evenings practicing gymnastics together...when I was shopping around, I made sure to get a bar with specifications up to my weight.  ;)

The party this afternoon was wonderful - it was a great gathering of friends and family.  It was fun to have a house full of people enjoying each other's company, and the three girls at the party definitely enjoyed Alexa's trampoline and gymnastics equipment.  Ms. Connie's Gymnastics School opened for an hour or so, as I tried to teach each girl how to do a back hip circle on the bar.  Talk about a workout!    It was really a fun party - I just wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow, as I could use a day or two to recoup from this weekend.

One happy gymnast.....

The mini-cupcake displays (with Papa Hovey "photo-bombing").

Excited to have some leftover cupcakes after the big day...
cupcakes for breakfast, anyone?

Wish there was one more in this picture - - I remember telling
Damon last year at Alexa's birthday party that it would be her
last party as an only child. :(

Team Granty's Giraffes

I think we've uncovered a new annual event for our family - the Run to Fight Cancer was a lot of fun for all of us who participated.  I cannot tell you have meaningful it was to have Damon, Alexa and all four of Granty's grandparents there, but also the show of support from Granty's nurses, our friends and co-workers (not to mention all of those who accompanied them) was very humbling.  It was an unseasonably cold and damp March morning in Phoenix and instead of staying in the warm comforts of bed, team Granty's Giraffes members showed up bright and early for the 7:30am start.  There is no doubt how much our Granty was loved, and I'm so honored that these awesome tributes to his life and spirit continue with so many people.

At the starting line, the event organizers mentioned that over 3,000 people had registered for the run/walk, and the event was on-pace to raise $100,000 for the charities.  The run was extremely well-organized, with groups of college students (Grand Canyon University hosted the event) along the way cheering and a great focus on the cancer survivors.  Each cancer survivor received a superhero cape and participated in a special survivors walk....I'm not going to lie, I wish Granty was there to get one.  However, he was definitely there in spirit.

As proud as I am of all the participants in today's event, I am equally as proud for the monies that team Granty's Giraffes fundraised.  As of tonight, we're only $30 short of the $1,000 mark - awesome!  Thank you so much to everyone who contributed; it means to much to Damon and myself.  I hope that sometime in my lifetime I will be able to look back at all of the donations that have been made in Granty's honor and know that they contributed to a cure for this terrible disease.

After an extremely early wake-up this morning, I'm hoping to get some rest tonight...tomorrow's another big day with Alexa's much-anticipated birthday party! :)

Damon, Alexa & I with our "Granty's Giraffes" flag.

Some of the members of Granty's Giraffes:
Nichole (pediatrician's nurse), Mandy (PICU nurse), Gabriella,
myself, Jenny and Alexa.  What a team!

The BFFs (their outfits were identical) at the finish line.
Alexa was wearing a sticker that read, "In honor of my baby brother Granty."

WE LOVE YOU, GRANTY!!!

Ready to Run (or Walk)

Our busy weekend has officially begun!  My parents flew into town this morning and my in-laws are scheduled to arrive tonight.  I'm looking forward to the 'Run to Fight Cancer' tomorrow morning, although I'm not too geeked for temperatures in the 40-degree range at race time.  That's like Antarctica for Phoenicians....

We had the opportunity to pick up the race packets today, so my parents and I headed over to the running store after lunch today.  It was great to see my parents, who have never done an event like this in their lives, picking up their numbers and race shirts.  We also ran into Nichole, Granty's beloved nurse from his pediatrician's office, and my co-worker Cheryl, who will be walking with her son, soon-to-be daughter in-law and grandson.  It should be an impressive representation of people walking/running in honor of our Granty.

When I was picking up the race packets for Damon and myself, I told the girl handing out the packets our last name, and without any hesitation, she said, "Oh...that's Granty's Giraffes."  I was very proud to introduce myself to her as Grant's mom.  I didn't think too much of it until I looked through the race packet and saw that there was no mention of team "Granty's Giraffes" anywhere on my registration.  The girl working simply saw my last name and immediately identified it with our team - that definitely made me feel good to know that Granty's story had resonated with her.

Thank you to everyone who has donated to our team; we've raised over $700 for Phoenix Children's Hospital and the Children's Cancer Network.  There's still time to donate to team Granty's Giraffes - - http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/GrantysGiraffes/run-to-fight-childrens-cancer - - if you're interested.  Obviously this is a cause that is extremely close to my heart....

Our motivator....

Birthday Prep

Thursday swimming.  Tonight's swim lesson did not start off well - - Alexa became panicked when she was waiting for her lesson and noticed that Coach Anthony was not in the water.  She became hysterical, begging to go home.  Thankfully the swim school seems pretty well-prepared for these situations, so the manager immediately grabbed her and got her in the water with Coach Erik.  Within a couple of minutes, the screaming stopped and simply donned her pouty look; I just buried my head - everyone knew she was my kid.  Oy....I have to figure out how to get her swimming, without clinging onto me for dear-life, by summer.


However, the one good part about swimming is that she was completely exhausted by the end of her lesson, and she actually fell asleep on the car ride home and didn't wake up when I moved her to bed.  This was the perfect opportunity for me to get to work on the decor elements for her party.  I've quickly learned that a gymnastics-themed party is not nearly as popular as princesses, Hello Kitty, dance, etc.  As a result, I've been left to my own creative devices for the decor for Alexa's birthday party.  So I don't spoil the surprise, I will wait until her party on Sunday to post the pictures.  However, I was explaining a few of the things to my sister Terri last night, and I could practically see her shaking her head at me all the way in Milwaukee.  What can I say - - the birthday parties are the one time a year that I'm able to unleash my creative self from my normal finance/analytical persona.  It should be a fun day on Sunday....at least Alexa's of the age where she's starting to appreciate all of my hard work!

Tomorrow will be an exiting day - both sets of grandparents fly into town!

Flashback to Alexa's 2nd birthday - Sesame Street.

Wow - how she's grown up in two years!

The Power of Song

After the excitement and build-up of the birthday, tonight was very much a 'down night' for Alexa and myself.  I think I must have heard, "I'm tired" about five times during the drive home from school.... ;)

We did run out tonight to get a few things from the store, and I had turned on the 'Toy Story 2' dvd for her to watch on car's entertainment system.  There's a very sweet (& kind of sad) scene in the movie in which the cowgirl toy is reminiscing about when her owner played with her, all set to a pretty Sarah McLachlan song called, "When She Loved Me."  It's a beautiful song.  As Alexa watched this scene and heard the song, from the back seat she said, "Aww....this song makes me think of Granty.  I miss him so much; he was such a sweet baby."

Just like I think of Granty whenever I hear the song "Home" by Phil Phillips, Alexa has her own song that elicits memories of her brother.  Never underestimate the maturity of a four year-old.....  As sad as these moments are, it is comforting to know that, just like the rest of us, Alexa always has a beautiful and downright remarkable five-month-old baby boy (kind of frozen in time) in her heart and mind.

Who needs space..."we're family."

Happy Birthday, Alexa!

Today was Alexa's much-anticipated birthday - I don't think this day could have come soon enough for her.  She was still sleeping when I left the house this morning, but I did get a phone call before she went to school - her excitement was palpable.  Not only did she have a big school day ahead, complete with the birthday treats and blowing out a candle in front of her classmates, but a trip to Chuck E Cheese was on the docket for this evening.  I don't think life gets much better than that in the eyes of a four year-old!

Since Alexa will be having her official birthday party on Sunday, Damon and I had decided we would take Alexa and BFF Gabriella out tonight.  I have to admit, Chuck E Cheese on a Tuesday was not bad at all.  There were maybe 10 other families there, so the girls had all of the games at their disposal.  It was cute to watch them race around and burn through the tokens...I can picture them doing the same thing in a casino when they turn 21.  lol.  Both girls had a great time, and Damon and I enjoyed watching the two of them together.

In some ways it's hard to believe Alexa is already four...I still remember the day she was born like it was yesterday.  However, as Damon and I listened to the girls discuss their lip gloss on the way to Chuck E Cheese, there was no denying how quickly she has grown up.  Granty's going to have his work cut out for him as he watches over his big sister in the years to come.

The best of friends...so excited to be at Chuck E Cheese.

Birthday (Easter) cookies and milk at Paradise Bakery to round out the big day.

S'mores Galore

I have to admit - Alexa's enthusiasm and excitement for her birthday is contagious.  You cannot help but get excited along with her as she gears up for the big day.  She has such grandiose plans for life and celebration has she approaches the four-year mark.  It's fun to see the world through the eyes of a kid sometimes, especially as I've begun to dread my own birthday as the years have passed....

Tonight Alexa was eager to assemble the treat bags she's bringing for her birthday snack tomorrow.  The two of us scoured the Internet (Pinterest) looking for the perfect treat to bring for her friends; I think she must have had about fifty ideas for different snacks.  After a lot of discussion, and some subtle coaching from me (avoiding anything that required me to cook/bake), she settled upon s'mores mix.  Hallelujah!  This was probably the easiest option of all she had reviewed - it's simply a mix of Golden Grahams cereal, mini marshmallows and chocolate chips.  At Hobby Lobby I had even found some adorable treat bags that matched the color scheme of her gymnastics stickers perfectly.

Putting my manufacturing background to good use, I created an assembly line of the cereal, marshmallows (minus one bag that Alstott pulled off the pantry shelf and devoured last night), and chocolate chips - complete with a measuring cup at each station.  However, I quickly realized Alexa quite share my vision for an organized assembly process.  Haha.  Thankfully, thirty minutes of 'Sophia the Great' provided me with exactly the time I needed to make the 27 bags.  :)

Given Alexa's reaction when she saw the bags lined up on the counter, I think I made my almost four-year-old girl very happy....I hope her classmates like the treats as much as she does.

Very happy to see the finished product....

The s'mores bags - complete with coordinating gymnastics stickers.

Happy Nine-Month Birthday!

Happy Nine-Month Birthday, Granty!  It's hard to believe our little guy would be nine-months-old today.  I remember how much fun I had with Alexa at this age, and I can only imagine how Granty's vivacious personality would be on full-display at this wonderful age.  What I wouldn't give.....

Today did have a bright spot that helped to bring some joy - it was my friend Jenny's birthday, so we had a nice girls' brunch (no kids) to celebrate the big day.  She's an incredible person and has done so much for our family and Alexa over the past few months...all while juggling twin boys and a three year-old.  Pretty remarkable!  Needless to say, I was very happy to be a part of the birthday celebration, and I had a wonderful time with the ladies over brunch this morning.  We even had time to stop into Nordstrom after brunch...definitely a great way to start the day.

Damon pitched in for Jenny's birthday by taking both Alexa and Gabriella, in their matching pink giraffe swimsuits, to swimming this morning.  The girls were mistaken for twins a few times (Damon quickly squelched that), and Damon said they had a great time together.  It's a very cute relationship with these two - - we can't do much without thinking about Gabriella (and vice versa), so Alexa always brings a snack for her BFF or tries to make sure I buy two of everything (one for her and one for Gabriella) when we're at the store.  They really are like sisters, and I hope this relationship continues for  years to come..if not their lifetimes. :)

So tired but so happy to meet this boy at 1:33am! 

Tear-Jerker

I have to apologize for not creating a post yesterday...I was utterly exhausted last night, and I zonked out soon after Alexa around 8pm.  I was extremely well-rested and ready to go this morning! :)

Today was one of those days when I wish I could have been in Alexa's head...Granty was on her mind all day today.  As we drove home from gymnastics this morning, she suddenly began to talk about Granty and how sad she is that he died.  I told her that I miss him too and that I'm also very sad, and her tears just started flowing.  I reminded her that Granty was in heaven and will always be in our hearts.  As she began to wipe her tears, she told me that she thinks Granty is starting to talk in heaven.  I asked her what she thought he was saying, and she replied, "He's saying Mama.  But he's starting to get sad too because you can't come to heaven and hold him."  Talk about a tear-jerker...upon hearing this, I immediately started crying, so the two of us were quite the weepy duo when we returned home.

The tear-jerking moments continued...Alexa and I went to Hobby Lobby later this afternoon, and while she sat perched in the shopping cart, she began talking again about how much she missed Granty.  There was another woman in the aisle who overheard Alexa, and she commented to Alexa, "That's so sweet, honey.  Who is Granty?  Is that your friend?"  Oh gosh....I knew what was about to happen, but could not get the cart out of the aisle fast enough.  Alexa responded, "He's my brother but he died.  He was such a sweet baby, and it's so sad he died."  The poor woman's mouth dropped open in shock, and I quickly interjected with a two sentence synopsis explaining that we had lost her five-month-old brother to brain cancer a few months ago.  The woman began to tear-up and apologized profusely....  I think I can chalk this one up as one of the most uncomfortable situations I've ever encountered.  We caused a total stranger to start crying in the ribbon aisle of Hobby Lobby - oy.

We keep hearing that this is going to get easier, but days like today remind us how raw the emotions are for all of us.

A much-loved and missed 'Little Brother.'