It's Never to Early....

While I was making dinner tonight, Alexa suddenly popped into the kitchen to ask how many more days there are until Christmas.  Initially, I assumed she was eagerly awaiting the arrival of her baby sister, as we have given her the timing of "after Christmas" for when the baby will arrive.  However, she quickly quashed those thoughts, as she brought me the Pottery Barn Kids catalog to show me some of the Christmas decorations that caught her eye.  Ahh...the power of marketing.

Admittedly, our holidays last year were a little less than enthusiastic, so it's no wonder Alexa is already looking forward to the holiday season.  After I told her Christmas is still three-months away, Alexa's spirits were not diminished in the least, and the two of us listened to her animatronic bear (a gift from my good friend Linda) recite "Twas the Night Before Christmas" while I made dinner.  Tonight's bedtime story was even "The Elf on the Shelf."  It's a good thing we don't have an artificial tree, otherwise I have a feeling we would be the only house in the neighborhood with a Christmas tree set up in October.

In the meantime, I made sure the Pottery Barn Kids catalog found its way to the recycling bin....there's no way my frugal self can pay full price for Christmas decorations.  :)

Already looking forward to Christmas 2013!

Change of Season

The long, hot summer seems to be nearing an end in Phoenix, something I've been anticipating for weeks now.  I was never so happy to turn off the air conditioner and open up all of the doors on the back of the house.  Today I had to remind Alexa that she could go outside and play, as it has been months since she's been able to play outside for more than ten minutes.

Alexa and I attended a Princess-themed birthday party this afternoon, a perfect chance for her to wear one of her dress-up costumes outside of the house.  I must have been asked 100-times between 9am and 2pm whether it was time to leave for the party.  We had a good time - it's always funny to watch these girls, who spend 10-hours a day, 5-days a week together, act like they haven't seen each other in ages when they get together on the weekends!  It was the perfect amount of time for a birthday party (two hours), and I'm sure Damon appreciated the chance to watch a couple hours of football with peace and quiet.

Congratulations on a very successful mini-marathon, Larry!  My brother-in-law not only recorded a great time, but he also earned the #5 fundraiser title among all racers and fundraisers.  Very impressive!  Damon and I are both honored and touched by his efforts in the fight against childhood cancer, especially since he did everything in honor of Granty.

Sporting one of her "Tangled" dresses.

One Year Ago....

Exactly one year ago today our lives were forever changed....Granty's 4pm MRI produced a result neither Damon nor I ever fathomed - a massive brain tumor that required an immediate PICU experience.  We quickly went from being parents nervously playing Connect Four in the waiting room to devastated parents trying to comprehend the worst-case diagnosis we could have received.  I was in utter shock as my mind raced and the life felt like it had been sucked out of me.  September 27th is forever embedded in my mind, as I can relive each moment in vivid detail.

Damon and I were both down in the dumps on this solemn anniversary (I was bawling in the shower this morning), and against my better health judgement, I went into the office just to help take my mind off of things.  I heard the song "Home" on the way to work, so I wasn't surprised when my boss told me I didn't look 100-percent (I think it was a combination of my bug + all of the makeup wiped off my face after the tearful drive).  These are going to be a rough few months....  However, tonight Alexa unknowingly lifted my spirits in a way that only Alexa can.

Fridays are show-and-tell days at school, so Alexa was eager to bring the pinwheel she received from Nana Hovey while we were in Fresno. The weather is cooling off here (finally!), so I opened up the windows on the car ride home so the wind would spin the pinwheel.  As I pulled out of the parking lot, the song "Gone Gone Gone" came on the radio, much to Alexa's glee.  She was belting out the words and watching excitedly as her pinwheel spun like crazy in the wind.  "Look, Mommy!  I think Granty's helping to blow my 'spinwheel'!"  The combination of her singing and that simply sentence changed my mood entirely - Alexa hardly ever speaks of the crappy incidents that impacted our lives, but rather she superimposes the loving memories of her brother on the situations of today.  Sometimes it helps to put things in the perspective of a four year-old.

On a separate note, good luck to my brother-in-law Larry who is running the Brewers Mini-Marathon tomorrow (Saturday) to help fight children's cancer.  It's a pretty chilling coincidence that the race is being held on the exact one-year anniversary that I found out Grant's brain tumor was cancerous (during 7am rounds)...one of the very worst moments of my entire life.  I truly hope events and fundraising efforts like this one, for which Larry has already raised $875 [http://www.race-brewers.com/BrewersCampaign2013/RunForGrant], will help ensure other parents don't have to hear this same devastating news.  I know Granty will be looking down on his Uncle Larry tomorrow, rooting him on and helping him to push through the moments when the running isn't so much fun (usually around mile 11).  I wish I could be there in Milwaukee for the race, but I will be cheering for Larry from afar, keeping tabs on his 13.1 miles through the Internet.  Thank you for doing this in Grant's memory, Larry!

Always a St. Louis Cardinals fan....just like his Uncle Larry.

10-Months

Ten-months have now passed since Granty's death, and although the emotions are different than they were a few month ago, the sadness never goes away.  I cannot count the number of times I think about him during the day, and it's impossible not to see other babies and wonder "what if."  I'm sure we will have many of those moments with his baby sister, and I can guarantee Baby #3 will grow up learning about the legacy of her amazing big brother and the lasting impact he left upon so many people.  He will never be forgotten!

Tonight Alexa was playing make-believe with one of her stuffed giraffes, and it was very sweet to hear her pretending that Granty was the giraffe.  Her imagination instilled pretty magical powers on Granty - this giraffe could fly, eat two sweets a day (what a treat!) and played in the clouds.  She even brought Granty the giraffe to my side to help make me feel better.  :)

Unfortunately I don't know if it is the change in weather, a bug going around or my hectic pace, but today I was knocked out of commission by some flu-like symptoms: chills, fever, achiness...ugh.  During my 1pm conference call, I was sitting in my office with my heater turned on full-blast and still had chills up and down my body.  Needless to say, I headed home for some rest after the call and have been lounging around the house ever since.  Alexa has been very sweet and was on her best behavior, as I think she was enjoying the benefits of my sickness - she was able to watch an extra television show tonight.  I'm hoping it's a quick bout of illness or else I will be seeing the doctor tomorrow.

The legacy continues.....

Looking Back

September has been a tough month for me, as I have been thinking constantly about what was happening just one year ago.  Last September began with the quest to understand why Granty wasn't putting on the weight he should, culminating with that fateful MRI on September 27th.  In the span of less than two weeks, he had two visits with his pediatrician, an occupational therapy session, a swallowing study, an appointment with a pediatric gastroenterologist and another appointment with a pediatric neurologist.  We were so lucky to have such amazing medical resources available to us, and most importantly, a pediatrician who trusted my gut instinct when I felt that something was not right.  There's no doubt we did everything possible for Granty - a feeling that continues to provide me bit of solace one year later.

Yesterday, the Sunday mass at the Armenian church in Yettem (outside of Visalia) included a special intention for the one-year anniversary of the passing of Damon's grandmother, who passed away last August.  As we drove to the church yesterday morning, I couldn't help but think about bringing Granty, strapped to me in the Baby Bjorn, to her funeral.  The priest mentioned Granty in the memorial, and just hearing "Grant Vartkes Hovannisian" brought me to tears.  Alexa saw I was upset (something I tried in vain to hide from her), and she sweetly tried to wipe the tears off my face and stroked the back of my hair.  Thankfully, my sister-in-law Gia saw what a mess I was, and she quickly shifted seats and Alexa became distracted by her cousin Luke.  What a month of raw emotions!

After the emotionally draining day yesterday, Damon and I went to the cemetery this morning to pay tribute to our little boy.  His headstone is not yet complete, as a lot of the etching is done by hand, but it was still a surreal experience.  Nevertheless, his plot is clearly identified, and it was clear frequent visitors have ensured his site is well-maintained.  Damon and I laid some fresh flowers and said hello to our baby boy, knowing he's in a better place - no doctors' appointments, no chemo, no lifelong concerns about vision, brain function, etc....  As painful as it is for us, Damon and I both commented that we are relieved he did not endure a life of suffering.  The visit today was emotional but it provided some comfort in the ongoing grieving process.

Forever my baby boy.....

A Day of Birthdays

Today was a jam-packed day of birthday festivities for Alexa and myself, as we attended two birthday parties.  This morning, Alexa and her cousin Luke attended a four year-old's birthday party at her favorite birthday party spot - Pump It Up.  For 90 minutes, Alexa bounced, slid and hopped around on the inflatable slides and bounce houses....a kid's dream come true.  I was exhausted watching her, and after a late bedtime and early wake-up this morning, I figured she would be ready for a nap.  No such luck.  She and Luke continued to play until it was time to head to tonight's festivities - a birthday dinner for Nana Hovey at the Old Spaghetti Factory.

It was the perfect restaurant for a large party with three kids and two babies - it was nice and loud, and it didn't matter if a spoon or food hit the floor.  Perfect!  Alexa and Luke were both pretty worn out from their very long day, but they hung in there, and we had a really enjoyable dinner.  The promise of birthday cake after a meal has a pretty amazing effect - Alexa wanted to ensure her behavior didn't jeopardize her chance of having a slice of cake.  When it was finally time for dessert, Nana Hovey had a lot of help blowing out her candles, and the smile on her face was a clear indicator of how happy she was to have the whole family together.

In the fifteen-plus years I have known Damon, the two of us have never been to an Old Spaghetti Factory; in fact, I don't think I've ever heard him mention it.  However, today I found out this was one of Damon's favorite restaurants when he was younger.  Who knew?  On the way to dinner, he informed me the linguine with clam sauce was his favorite dish there, and I had to smile when Damon, his dad and both of Damon's siblings ordered the exact same entree for dinner.  I have a feeling we might need to find an Old Spaghetti Factory in Arizona so Damon can get his fix more frequently than once every fifteen years.... :)

Hanging with Cousin Luke at Pump It Up.

Happy Birthday, Nana Hovey!

A Visit with Meaning

Tomorrow evening Alexa and I head to Fresno for an activity-filled weekend, with one of the key events being the celebration of Nana Hovey's birthday.  It will be a good opportunity to visit with the family (and enjoy some Me-n-Ed's Pizza) and enjoy a long weekend.

Tonight has been dedicated to laundry and packing for our trip tomorrow.  Somehow, I always manage to postpone packing until the night before and curse myself each time.  You would think I would have learned my lesson after many travel-laden years.  Nevertheless, I always seem to get everything packed and haven't missed a flight yet!

This will be my first trip to Fresno since December - Granty's funeral.  I realized tonight that trips to Fresno will forever have a different meaning and a gravity that did not previously exist.  Fresno is the site of Grant's burial, so it's also my chance to visit my little boy.  I cannot tell you how many thoughts and "conversations" I have daily with Granty, but there is a special symbolism about being able to visit the place where he is laid to rest.

There's no doubt the trip to the cemetery will be an emotional one, but I am looking forward to having the chance to be close to my Granty once again.

Pack Your Knives and Go

Unbeknownst to me, I was a contestant on Alexa's version of "Top Chef" tonight.  As soon as I set her dinner plate at her placesetting, she informed me that she was pretending I was a chef ("pretending" being the key word) and she was the judge of my food.  Apparently Chef Mommy didn't have a good ring to it, so she also changed my name to, what else, but Chef Elizabeth.  Fish tacos were on the dinner menu tonight, so I figured I had a chance of surviving her critique....I would have been hosed had it been my reduced-fat quiche!

Apparently she has seen one too many cooking shows, as the adjectives she used to describe the meal were identical to the ones used on the tv shows.  I was biting my lip not to laugh hysterically, because she was so eager to show off her judging skills and expansive palate.  She described the fish, tilapia pan-seared with a little olive oil and taco seasoning, as "moist and a bit peppery, but with good texture."  The tortilla, which she did not want me to warm in the microwave, garnered a less favorable review - she described it as "dry and a little too crunchy."  Thankfully, I had a secret weapon....pre-made Fresh & Easy Cilantro Dressing that Alexa classified as ranch dressing.  The dressing earned rave reviews from the judge, as she declared, "The ranch dressing pulls everything together and is very yummy.  It's nice, creamy and delicious."  I really couldn't believe those descriptions were coming out of the mouth of a four year-old; she was perfectly mimicking a food critic.

I'm guessing it was the cilantro dressing won over the judge's palate, as I did not hear the dreaded "pack your knives and go" but rather she declared Chef Elizabeth the winner!!  As my reward, she told me, "For just this one time, I will let you turn on the tv to the Cardinals game during dinner."  We have a very strict rule of no computer nor television during meals at the Hovannisian house, so my reward was a pretty big deal.  

We turned on the television in time to see Alexa's favorite player Yadier Molina hit a double and drive in a run.  Double the win - - Cardinals AND Chef Elizabeth!  

The normal chef became a critic tonight :)

Ice Cream and Books

Unlike most nights when I pick up Alexa from Aftercare and am greeted with, "You're here too early!", I could not get to school fast enough for her this evening.  Tonight was the school's annual Ice Cream Social and Book Fair; she was so excited, you would have thought it was her birthday!

I had discussed the ground rules of the evening with her last night, as I didn't want her to pick out twenty books nor expect to spend hours playing on the playground.  We had decided that I would buy one book for her classroom, two books for her, and, most importantly, one book for her baby sister.  The latter was entirely her suggestion, as I know she was thinking of last year's book fair experience.  I was more than willing to agree to her sweet gesture.

Last year Alexa had selected a race car book for Granty at the school book fair, so her mind was made up that she was going to get a good "girl book" for her newest sibling this year.  Unfortunately the book fair did not have a section of infant board books this year, so Alexa was pretty disappointed not to be able to pick out a book for her baby sister this year.  I reassured her that we would have plenty of time to buy books for the new baby, and I made a promise we would take a trip to Barnes and Noble before the baby is born.

As I watched Alexa on the playground tonight, the memories of last year really struck me.  I had a three-month old Granty strapped in the Baby Bjorn last year, and I was speaking to the teachers in the Infant Room about his planned enrollment at the beginning of October.  It's still hard to believe what happened in just twelve short months.

The race car book is tucked away on a shelf in the closet....it will always be "Granty's book."  It's the perfect reminder of how something seemingly mundane at the time - a sister picking out a book for her baby brother - suddenly became a sweet memory and a lasting reminder of a big sister's love of her beloved Granty.  Always watching out for him....even at a school book fair.  :)

Showing off her bag of books....she is thrilled that she's able to keep these
(unlike the library books that have to be returned).

Chatterbox

Today was a lot more low-key than last Sunday, as Alstott decided to stay within the comfortable confines of our home rather than wander the neighborhood.  Thank goodness, because I don't think I could have handled another stressful episode like that again!

Earlier in the day, Alexa was sitting on the couch, perusing the grocery sales ads; she is obviously knowledgeable of my shopping habits and knows the probability of getting an item is much higher if it's on sale.  I took her to the store with me for a quick shopping trip, and suddenly the little girl who used to shy away from strangers became very vocal in the grocery store.

Her outspoken behavior began in the dairy section when I picking up cottage cheese (one of Alexa's favorites) from the dairy case.  A guy reached into the case next to me, and his t-shirt exposed "sleeves" of tattoos up and down his arms.  Suddenly, Alexa proclaimed, "Ugh...not another tattoo.  And his are all over and huge!"  I about died of embarrassment, but thankfully the guy had a great sense of humor and just began laughing.  Nevertheless, I pushed the cart out of the dairy section as quickly as I could and reminded Alexa of the "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" rule.  She continued her conversations with customers in every aisle, especially if they had an item in their cart that she likes.  Her talking did not stop and continued straight through the store to the checkout.  Thankfully, her chatty interactions with the cashier were much more pleasant in nature, as Alexa was more than willing to share every facet of our lives with the cashier - - even telling her about "Baby Elizabeth" in my belly.

I'm glad she's starting to become more outgoing; now we just need to work on her filter!

I think we should stick to the grocery store at The Children's Museum....

Making a Splash

Finally...a weekend of good weather in the Scottsdale area!

Alexa and I headed to the splash pad this afternoon for a playdate with friends, an event Alexa was eagerly anticipating since bright and early this morning.  It was surprising quiet at Scottsdale Quarter today, and the three girls played together beautifully.  It was fun to see the kids (three girls + twin boys) splashing around in the water and having a blast, with no fighting or drama whatsoever.  What a great way to spend the afternoon!  Because of her morning lessons, Alexa is always very gymnastics-minded on Saturdays, and today was no exception.  In the middle of the splash pad, she started to practice her push-ups, and I had to kibosh her plans to perform a backbend and cartwheel.  Oy....I think I need to enroll her in a second gymnastics class each week; her energy level is unbelievable.  Tonight, after a very long day, she finally fell asleep around 9:30, half-standing as she leaned against the base of the sectional.

BFF Gabriella's twin brothers were enjoying their first splash pad experience, and it was priceless to watch their expressions as they played in the jets of water.  The twins are three-months older than Granty, so it is always a blast to see them and watch them grow up with each visit....of course it's impossible not to always have a "what if" in my mind, picturing Granty playing with his buddies.  I think one of my favorite moments of the entire day was watching Nicholas' (one of the twins) face light up with glee as he stood in the path of one of the jets.  It was the most joyous expression, and I couldn't help but picture the same reaction on Granty's face knowing how much he loved the water.  Yep, Granty would fit right in at the splash pad. :)

Striking a sassy pose at the splash pad....we are in trouble
when she's a teenager with poses like this at four years-old!

Wiggling

I am in Los Angeles for work during the next few days, but tonight I really wanted to be back home.  It wasn't just any Wednesday night....tonight was Alexa's first concert experience!  I never imagined I would be disappointed about missing a Wiggles concert (a children's musical group consisting of four rather peculiar guys), but that is exactly what happened today.  I definitely missed a fun evening!

Jenny (BFF Gabriella's mom) has been such an amazing friend over the past year, and she really outdid herself this time.  She entered a contest to win tickets to the Wiggles concert, writing a letter stating that BFF's Alexa and Gabriella needed a night out together.  Her letter must have been pretty impressive, because she won four tickets to the Wiggles concert in Phoenix.  I cannot tell you how excited Alexa was when I broke the news to her....Wednesday could not come fast enough this week!

Based upon the texts and pictures I received, it sounds like the girls had a great night.  Being the cost-conscious mom that I am (also trying to save Jenny from whining for souvenirs), I bought the girls some glow sticks - necklaces, bracelets and butterfly wands - to bring to the show.  Alexa was geeked to bring them and share them with her BFF.  In addition to the Wiggles themselves, it sounded like Alexa also enjoyed some of the peripheral aspects of the concert.  I had to laugh when Jenny texted me that Alexa was digging into the popcorn like it was going out of style....for the record, that's the Hovannisian in her :).

Alexa was pretty wiped out after the big event, so I didn't get the chance to talk to her tonight, but I am eagerly awaiting her recap tomorrow morning.  I'm sure she will still be ecstatic about the memorable night "Ms. Jenny" provided for them!

The two concert-goers having a great time.

Going Gold

September is officially Childhood Cancer Awareness month, something to which I was oblivious until last year.  What a difference one year makes.  It's unfortunate that it took such a major life event to make me aware of the prevalence of this horrible disease.  Some of the statistics are mind-boggling, and it's still tough to fathom that Granty has become part of these figures:
- An estimated 12,400 children in the US are diagnosed with cancer each year.
- Brain and central nervous system cancers are the second most common form of pediatric cancer, comprising 25% of childhood cancers.
- In the past 20 years, the FDA has approved only one new cancer drug specifically for pediatric cancers.

Unfortunately I was not well-organized this year, but I found a really cute program that I need to investigate with Alexa's school next year - - PJammin for kids with cancer (https://www.acco.org/PJammin.aspx).  For a $1 contribution, kids are able to wear pajamas to school.  Given Alexa's excitement with past pajama days at school, I think this would be an easy event around which to garner some excitement.  In the meantime, I will be sporting gold throughout the month....quite a challenge for me since I am very partial to silver ;)  Even a simple gold ribbon can help to spread the word and hopefully make a difference.

Damon and I would never wish our nightmare upon anyone, and even though it's too late for Granty, we continue to hope for a cure so that no one ever has to experience what we did.

M.I.A.

It has been a gloomy and rainy couple of days which has meant a lot of time indoors.  Apparently the time inside was too much for Alstott, as he made a break for it yesterday afternoon when Damon had the garage door open.  It was only when I was making my lunch that I realized my constant companion hadn't been near my side in a while, something especially unusual when I am in the kitchen.  In a nervous voice, I asked Damon if he had seen Alstott, and we quickly spread out in the house and backyard looking for Alstott to no avail.  Uh oh.

Damon did a quick walk of the neighborhood and back ravine, as Alexa and I double-checked every hiding place in the house we could possibly think of Alstott hiding.  To make matters worse, his harness (with tags) had been off for several days, so Alstott had nothing to identify him.  Damon came back after an unsuccessful neighborhood search and hopped in his car to expand the search area.  Meanwhile, I called our community security gate to see if anyone had reported finding a dog.  When that didn't pan out, Alexa and I began our foot search for Alstott.  She wanted to bring along everything she thought we might need, so the two of us combed the neighborhood carrying Alstott's harness and leash, a jar of peanut butter (Alstott's favorite treat), a water bottle and one of her stuffed animals.  I was willing to try anything to find Alstott, even if it meant bringing everything but the kitchen sink.

When our search did not turn up our beloved puggle, I loaded Alexa into my car and the two of us continued the search.  The prospects were not looking good, as I quickly realized how much desert wilderness surrounds our house, and looking for a tan dog in a brown landscape added to the challenge.  Alexa was getting more and more despondent from the backseat, yelling "Alsty" out the window (a nickname I've never heard her use before) and crying, "I can't lose my Alstott too.  First Granty and now my dog best friend."  Trust me - there was no way I was going to give up the search for Alstott, especially after the past 12-months we've had.  Just like Alexa, I don't think I could handle any more heartbreak.

As we drove down a neighboring street, an Animal Control truck passed me in the other direction, driving very slowly.  I quickly made a u-turn, flagging down the truck to see if someone had reported a lost dog.  The driver mentioned a tan dog, part pug, and I thought she was referring to a report Damon had likely filed.  However, she quickly clarified that she was responding to a report of a found tan dog.  Holy cow....hope! 

She provided me the address that had found the dog, and wouldn't you know it was an address just down the street.  The Animal Control truck followed me there, just to make sure it was indeed Alstott, and I called Damon to have him meet us there.  Sure enough - Alstott was there and he came bounding to me as soon as I called his name.  The three of us were ecstatic to have our puggle back - - he had given us quite the scare!

In a crazy coincidence, I had found the same neighbor's dog and returned him within the past two weeks.  Unfortunately, I had only met the wife, not the husband and sons who found Alstott.  Thankfully this turned out to be a story with a happy ending....we not only found Alstott but also met some of our neighbors in a long overdue introduction.  Not exactly the ideal introductions, but.....

Mr. Adventure....a beloved member of our family.

Excited Speculation

As Alexa sees my stomach growing, a fact she likes to bring to my attention every week or so, I think the idea of a baby sister is becoming more real and more exciting to her.  She's starting to ask how long until Christmas, but not because of the holiday, but rather she knows the baby will be coming after Christmas.  I have to admit, her excitement is contagious and is making me more excited about the new arrival...it's a nice break from the constant anxiousness about the health of baby #3.  The hope for a healthy baby has never had so much meaning!

Tonight during dinner, Alexa was very eager to talk about her new baby sister, and the conversation focused heavily upon how she thinks this baby will look.  Alexa has decided the baby will look like Granty and "baby Alexa" with blue eyes and blond hair.  I brought up the possibility that the baby could look like Damon with black hair and brown eyes, but Alexa immediately rejected that prospect.  "Granty and I don't look like Daddy!!"  She did concede the baby might have black hair when she's born (like "baby Alexa"), but she assured me the black hair will fall out and turn blond just like hers did.  I had to laugh...Alexa seems to have it all figured out, right down to the baby's changing hair.

It'll be interesting to see how Alexa's premonition pans out in January....if she's right, it sounds like poor Damon's genes will be trumped again!

Already excited to meet her new sibling....about 4.5-months to go!

Picture Day

Summer is definitely over, as Alexa had school pictures today.  It's hard to believe she's been back at school for one month already!

I originally planned to leave the wardrobe decision to Alexa, but I quickly had to change course with that decision.  "Sparkly and pretty" defined her initial criteria, and I could identify plenty of outfits within her dresser and closet that fell within the scope.  However, she had different ideas and proposed to wear one of her Disney Princess dress-up outfits for the school picture.  Yikes - - I had to intervene (can you imagine that picture?!), and she finally agreed upon one of her favorite dresses, a purple and white striped one.  Whew...crisis averted.

Even though we agreed upon the outfit, Alexa was not too excited to have her picture taken today.  I tried to convince Alexa that it was important to take a good picture with a nice smile, primarily so that she would have pictures and memories for when she was older, like Mommy.  Trust me - - if anyone knows the value of taking good pictures when young it's me, as one picture from when I was about four years-old has continued to haunt me even into my thirties.

This photo is the epitome of bad...I was apparently woken up way too early, hence the bags under the eyes, and the blunt bangs and 'Little House on the Prairie' dress (nothing against my mom's sewing) didn't help matters whatsoever.  Yes, I think the photo ensured my supermodel career wasn't going to happen. :)  Damon convinced my mom to make a copy of the picture for him, friends in high school made flyers with it (I think my friend Kathryn may still have some of these flyers), and even Alexa laughed when she saw it.  In my defense, Alexa's critique was directed more towards the dress than my baggy eyes.

We'll see how Alexa's school picture turns out....maybe I should have let her wear a Princess dress to ensure a "blackmail" photo for years to come :)

The nightmare photo.....ugh.
(My only defense: It was the 80's)

Hoping Alexa's 4-year school picture is a little better!

Happy 15-Month Birthday!

Another third of the month...another "should've been" milestone passed.  Happy 15-Month Birthday, Granty!

Although he's on my mind every day, the 3rd and 25th of each month continue to be very Granty-centric days and are a little more difficult than most.  As I watch Alexa continue to grow up in front of my eyes and begin to speculate about the personality and life for Baby #3, it's always bittersweet to think about the similar aspirations for Granty.  It's impossible not to think about the "what-if's", especially when I see babies around what would be his current age.

In my ideal world, Granty had a lot more than 175-days to grow up and realize his full potential.  However, as I quickly learned, the world may not always jive with my master plan.  More impressively, Granty didn't need ninety years of birthdays to realize his full potential....he accomplished it in just five short months.

One happy boy!

Work of Art

During the past week, we received a letter from Phoenix Children's Hospital inviting us to an upcoming memorial ceremony to celebrate the memories of those lost way too soon.  I don't know if I am quite ready to attend the non-denominational service (heck, I have to change the channel whenever the St. Jude's commercials air on television), but I did want to make sure Granty is appropriately honored.  The letter also requested other items to be incorporated into the memorial: a photo for the slideshow and an 8.5x11 scrapbook page.  Even though I may not personally be ready to attend the ceremony, it was a no-brainer to compile the other items.

Alexa was very excited when I mentioned that we would be doing an art project for Granty...what a perfect combination of some of her favorite things.  We tried several layouts and ideas, as trying to cram Granty's life into a single scrapbook page is a tough assignment.  The 4x6 prints we tried were just too big for the page, even when we trimmed the photos as small as we could.  We finally settled upon using the program from his funeral, displaying the large photo in the center and cutting up another program to use the small pictures that adorned the back of the program.  It was sweet - when I went into Grant's room to grab the two programs and give them to Alexa, she stared at the program, kissed it and said, "What a special baby boy" as she stroked his picture.  These largely unspoken displays of reverence for her brother and his memory continue to make me proud and provide me with reassurance that his memory will continue well-past my lifetime.

The two of us got to work designing Granty's scrapbook page; Alexa was thrilled to take over the scissor and rubber cement duties.  I did play a large role in the layout, as Alexa is a big fan of stacking things, but the rest of the design and picture selection was 100-percent Alexa.  I know Alexa was very proud of the finished project....without a doubt, this was the most meaningful art project she's ever made.

Just a few more items to glue!

The finished product....