Making It Meaningful

Tonight was an event Alexa had been anticipating for weeks, if not months....BFF's Gabriella's birthday party.  Jenny arrange for a cute girls' night out at Make Meaning, where each of the girls made cupcake soaps and received glitter tattoos, followed by Grimaldi's Pizza and Sprinkles cupcakes.  Yum!  Although Alexa and I were both a bit tired, we had a wonderful time celebrating Gabriella's four-year milestone.  I think we need to do girls' night out more often!

As we drove home from the party, Alexa began to discuss how we will celebrate Granty's birthday (Monday).  It was cute to hear her plan his birthday party from the backseat of the car - - she wants to bake a cake for him and decorate it herself.  I'm not quite sure how big the cake will have to be to capture the message she proposed (I'm not even making this up):  "Happy Birthday, poor baby.  I love you very much, and I miss you as my baby brother.  I will blow out your candle for you. I love you, Granty."  Hmm....maybe a Sprinkles cupcake with no room for decoration will be my best bet.  As long as there space for a candle for Alexa to blow out, she will be happy.

Without a doubt, this is going to be a very tough week, but I know we will start a new tradition to honor Granty on his birthday every year.  June 3rd will always be a day of celebration and remembrance of the remarkable life, albeit way too short, of our beloved Granty.

Showing off her new "ink" (or glitter & glue).

Part of Something Big

During my hectic travel and work schedule of the past few days (another call with my boss tonight around 9:45!), I have barely had time to catch my breath, much less check my non-work e-mail.  However, tonight as I was on the runway in Phoenix, I did see an e-mail from my sister Terri that I found extremely touching....

As I have learned over the past eight months, there are some fantastic cancer-related charities and research organizations.  It never ceases to amaze me how many people are affected by this horrible disease.  My sister sent me some information regarding Stand Up to Cancer, a research-based initiative, and the celebration of its five-year anniversary.  As part of this anniversary celebration, SU2C is creating a constellation of stars to honor those who have received a cancer diagnosis.  Today I received a message that Terri launched a star to honor Granty (https://constellation.standup2cancer.org/48325).  Thank you, Terri.  What a great tribute to our Granty!

Our superstar.

Signs on the I-15

When my boss scheduled a meeting from 8-10pm tonight in the lounge of the Embassy Suites, I knew this business trip wouldn't have any fun elements (like a Dodgers game) of the last one...  I am wiped out!

As I flew out of Phoenix bright and early this morning, I knew I was going to have a long day ahead of me.  The airport situation in Temecula is not the greatest for commercial flights, as Temecula is about an hour drive from three different airports (Ontario, San Diego and Orange County).  When I landed in Ontario this morning, I knew I had another hour ahead of me simply to get to my meetings.  As usual, whenever I have time to myself, my thoughts always drift to Granty.  I think Granty wanted to make sure he knew I was thinking of him.  Out of nowhere on the I-15, I suddenly passed a huge wooden giraffe peeking over one of the highway's embankments.  I passed it going 70mph, so I have no idea why it was there or what type of store even sells 25-foot wooden giraffes (maybe it's like the wooden bowl shops off of I-70 in Missouri); I just shook my head in amazement.  Not even 15 seconds after passing the giraffe, the song "Home" came on the radio.  Coincidence?  Maybe....but I prefer to take it as a sign that my little guy knew I was thinking of him.

Too bad I'm flying out of San Diego instead of Ontario....otherwise I would allow extra time to find out more about this wooden giraffe.  Maybe that will be on my next trip; afterall, there isn't too much to see in the Inland Empire.

"Mom, I'm listening." :)

A Wonderful Life

I am leaving for Temecula, CA, for a business trip tomorrow morning, so I planned to take a night off from my normal workout routine and use the time for packing.  My workout buddy and personal trainer Alexa wasn't having any of it...she wanted to do abs and weights tonight, so of course I had to oblige.  I've created a workout monster!  Good thing I only had to pack for one overnight.

As Alexa and I were getting out of the car tonight, our neighbors were driving by and stopped to say "Hi."  Bob and Catherine are a very sweet retired couple, and they were heartbroken during our ordeal with Granty.  After catching up for a bit, Bob asked me if I heard about our other neighbor (the ambulance ordeal from last Thursday); unfortunately the neighbor passed away at 91 years-old.  Catherine told me he had a good life, but nevertheless, it's always sad to have to deal with death.

When we were walking into the house, I could only think about my neighbor living for 91 wonderful years, versus my Granty's five short months.  I know there's no logic, but I oftentimes try to rationalize as much as I can for my own peace of mind.  I'll never understand the "Why" of what happened to Granty, but I can only surmise that my amazing little boy accomplished everything he was intended to do in just 175 days.  Just as Catherine assured me that my neighbor had 91 good years, I know that Granty had five wonderful months.  I should only be so fortunate to live five months of my own life as fully as Granty lived his.  He was (is) nothing short of remarkable.

Living his life to the fullest - - enjoying an
afternoon on the patio in his Bumbo seat.

Go Bling!

I wish I had a better reason for not updating the blog yesterday, but I can only attribute it to the Alexa Factor...she absolutely wore me out this weekend.  Damon was in Las Vegas for the holiday weekend, ensuring Alexa and I had plenty of time together.  The blackout curtains in her room only do so much to block out the very early morning sun in Arizona, so she's had a lot of pre-6am wake-ups over the past few weeks.  She goes 100mph all day long...it's pretty amazing how much energy she has.

After finally seeing some results at swimming, I have decided to apply my persistence towards Alexa's academic focus, concentrating on learning her numbers.  She does a great job counting, but she's having trouble recognizing the visual number for each.  This past week, I bought some bingo stampers and dice to recreate one of her favorite lessons from Montessori school, and I've been subtlety pointing out numbers whenever I see them (she is not a fan of blatant lessons).  Perhaps inspired by Damon's Las Vegas trip, I bought Alexa her first card games over the weekend...two sets of Barbie cards with numbers.  The first game, "Gems!" is a simple match game, and we our working our way to playing "Go Bling!" (yes, that's Barbie's version of "Go Fish") once a few more numbers are mastered.  We must have played "Gems!" fifty times over the weekend, but if it helps her to recognize her numbers, I'm in!

When I was recounting the events of the weekend for Damon, I told him about Alexa's rope climbing feat at gymnastics and also let him know that her number recognition wasn't quite there to play "Go Bling!"  Damon simply reminded me that most collegiate athletes have tutors.  Oy...... :)

Hard at work on my knock-off Montessori lesson....
(Thank you for the idea, Ms. LeAnna!)

Playing a rousing game of "Gems!"
I'm looking forward to upping the ante with "Go Bling!"

Six Months...

It's hard to believe it has been six-months since we lost our Granty...I miss him so much.  He continues to be my first thought of the day and the last person to whom I say "Good Night" each night.

Thankfully, I was able to spend the entire day with Alexa, and she always manages to provide a good distraction and unknowingly lift my spirits.  Today was no exception, as Alexa had another great swim lesson and even told me she wants to swim every day.  I don't know what exactly caused this change, but I will take it...my fourteen months of persistence at swimming is finally paying dividends!  Alexa topped off this fantastic swim lesson with an even better gymnastics class, making it all the way to the top of the rope (at least fifteen feet in the air).  I had to smile as all of the mothers in the waiting room commented on her strength and were in awe that a girl who just turned four made it all the way to the top.  This was a good distraction on yet another sad anniversary.

As Damon quickly learned one afternoon, Alexa is becoming very aware of the songs and lyrics on the radio; she exited his car one day singing, "I'm gonna pop some tags...I've got $20 in my pocket."  Oy.  I've made a conscious effort to make sure my radio is tuned to more family-friendly stations.  

This afternoon she began to repeat one of the lyrics from the song "Gone Gone Gone" - - "Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating...."  When we came home from the store, I pulled up the music video on YouTube so she could hear the song again.  As I listed to the words, I began to tear-up, thinking about Granty, and Alexa took one look at me and began to do the same.  "I miss him so much, Mommy."  I could only hug her and remind her that all of us miss Granty.....When is this going to get easier???

The portion of the "Gone Gone Gone" lyrics Alexa was reciting (amazingly appropriate):

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beatingLike a drum, baby, don't stop beatingLike a drum, baby, don't stop beatingLike a drum my heart never stops beating for you
And long after you're gone, gone, gone.
I love you long after you're gone gone, gone.

Our hearts are still beating for you, Granty!

Peace Like a River

I took the day off of work today so I could enjoy the Spring Program at Alexa's school in the morning and spend the rest of the day with her.  It was a much-needed break from my very hectic work schedule and a nice chance to have some quality time with my little girl.

Jenny and I planned a playdate for the girls after the performance, a trip to the zoo for its spray ground, so she was kind enough to pick us up this morning so the four of us could ride to the school together.  Alexa was so excited about the prospect about riding to school with her BFF and mom, that she began to ask me if it was time to go starting at 7am and continuing every 5 minutes until they arrived at 8:15am.  Jenny is quite the chauffeur - - in addition to the doorside pick-up, I had a skinny vanilla latte and an iced water waiting for me in the car.  Hmm....I wonder if she wants to start driving to Mesa (where I work) every morning.  lol

The Spring Program was organized similarly to the Christmas one, in which each class came up to perform a signature song.  Alexa's class sang the hymn "I've Got Peace Like a River," a song Alexa had been practicing  for months.  It was so cute to see all of the kids file into the church in their Sunday best; they were arranged by height, so Alexa and BFF Gabriella even got the chance to sit next to each other.  As their class stood together and performed, it definitely sunk in with Jenny and myself that our little girls are not so little anymore.     Then we realized the girls will be graduating high school in 2027....oy.

The program was cute, and their class did a wonderful job belting out "I've Got Peace Like a River."  I have a feeling Alexa will continue to sing this for the weeks and months to come!

A very proud mom...... :)

Sharp Memory

As time passes, it will be interesting to assess how much Alexa remembers of the past year.  Obviously she will never forget her beloved baby brother, but I am curious to see how much detail she retains.  She has a pretty remarkable memory, so nothing will surprise me with her....

When Alexa and I pulled through the gate of our community tonight, I saw an ambulance parked in front of a neighbor's house (a neighbor we do not know) and noticed a firetruck and police cars were following me through the gate.  Uh oh.  Sure enough - - Alexa wanted to check out the firetruck as it was parked next to our house, but she was far more interested in the ambulance and why it was there.  I explained that ambulances come if someone is sick or hurt to take them to the hospital.  This explanation opened up the floodgates of inquisition...

"Is the person going to die?  Did Granty take an ambulance to the hospital?  Why was Granty so sick that he died?  I've been sick but I never died...."  I reminded her that lots of people go to the hospital and get better, and I could instantly see a look of relief that our neighbor wouldn't die.  As I reminded her that I had always driven Granty to the hospital, she suddenly remembered that I had taken Granty to PCH, while Damon took her to Gabriella's for a playdate.  This was exactly what happened that fateful Saturday morning that I rushed Granty to the ER with hydrocephalus; I was shocked that she had such an acute memory of that day.  With such a sharp memory, I'm grateful that she has positive memories (like a playdate with her BFF) during these pretty traumatic times.

Fond memories...a girl who adores her baby brother.

Personal Training

Now that it's light out around 5am, I need to start to get up earlier so I can knock out my workouts in the morning.  It is not always easy to get motivated to run on the treadmill at 8:30pm.  Thankfully, I do have my personal trainer Alexa to push me to workout; she's quite the drill sergeant!

Alexa and I usually do weights and abs side-by-side, and when it's time for me to get on the treadmill, she perches on the bed to get a birds-eye view of my run.  I never knew that watching me on the treadmill could be more entertaining than "My Little Pony."  As Alexa was encouraging me on the treadmill ("Faster, Mommy!  Run Faster!"), I could not help but think about the "personal training" sessions that Granty endured at the hands of his grandmothers.  He was not a fan of the workouts, but NeNe and Nana Hovey were just as persistent as Alexa in the training department.  Persistence seems to be a trait on both sides of the family....

Granty began rolling over at a very early age (just two months old!), but the amount of time we spent in the hospital coupled with all of his medical devices (broviac in his chest, NG tube) seemed to slow his fast-tracked development.  However, the wonderful staff in the Oncology unit of PCH arranged for a mat in his room, providing him more tummy time, and the Physical Therapy team visited Granty as well.  When we left the hospital, the PT group provided me with a list of strength-building exercises that could be done at home.  NeNe and Nana Hovey took that list and ran with it....Granty had some good workout sessions on his rain forest playmat his trainers!

Working on his core strength & building those biceps!

"Real Cooking"

Tuesday night became Pizza Night at the Hovannisian household.  After I picked up Alexa from Aftercare, I had all intentions of going home to make a reduced-fat chicken Parmesan recipe for dinner.  However, on the car ride home, Alexa provided an unsolicited suggestion of pizza for dinner.  I did tell her about the chicken parm option, but it didn't take too much convincing to make me detour to the grocery store to pick up a frozen pizza instead. We did add some mushrooms to make it a little more healthy!  I had to laugh when I was talking to my sister Terri tonight, as she relayed her frustrations with her limited kitchen during a complete remodel.....I would have no problem being "forced" to get takeout every night.  In fact, a limited kitchen might be my dream kitchen!

I think Alexa is starting to realize that I am not the world's greatest cook.  As the two of us munched on our pizza tonight, she asked me if I liked to cook.  I told her that it's not my favorite thing to do, but I reminded her that I had added mushrooms to the pizza tonight.  She wasn't impressed, as she responded, "No, Mommy.  I am talking about real cooking - - like the people in Daddy's restaurant."  Ouch - I guess she already forgot about our lasagna-making two weekends ago.  I'm starting to think it's time for some one's first E-Z Bake Oven!  

A future chef?

A Threshold I'd Rather Not Cross...

May 20, 2013.  Today's date was stuck in my head, and I was racking my brain all day trying to figure out the significance of the date.  I could not shake the feeling that this date was important for some reason; I even searched through old Outlook calendars and e-mails to make sure I wasn't missing anything.

Whether it's my innate finance geekiness or a mother's intuition, as I was fiddling in an Excel file today, I did some quick math and realized the significance of today.  Today marked the 176th day after Granty's death, meaning we have officially passed the threshold for being without him longer than we physically had him with us.  Sadly, we were lucky enough to have our Granty for only 175 days.  It really does seem like a lifetime since I last had the opportunity to hold my boy, snuggle with him and hear his signature sigh.

There are days and moments where I would give anything to turn back time, wishing that I could enjoy Granty for just a little bit longer....

Camel Rides

This weekend was non-stop for Alexa and myself.  I think I'm actually looking forward to the workweek and a chance to catch my breath.

As planned, Alexa and I headed out to the Phoenix Zoo this morning for our well-planned visit.  The Phoenix Zoo is fairly well-spread, but Alexa, who has never been one for strollers nor wagons, is quite the trooper when it comes to trekking through the zoo.  Despite temperatures in the high 80's, Alexa and I were able to make it to every exhibit in the zoo - a pretty impressive feat.  Although I do think she's more interested in the carousel than any of the live animals, as she convinced me to let her ride the merry-go-round two times today.  Alexa also fulfilled her desire to ride a camel.  She was a bit hesitant at first, letting another girl go head of us in line, but she proudly rode the camel around the entire course.  Not a bad day at the zoo!

I think our amazing experiences at the Phoenix Zoo and the St. Louis Zoo have spoiled Alexa.  The Phoenix Zoo offers giraffe feeding daily, so I asked Alexa if she wanted to feed them.  Her response?  "Will we be going to their house again?"  I explained that we would be feeding them with other people on the observation deck.  "There will be other people there too?  No thank you, Mommy."  Oy....zoo diva. :)

Alexa's trip to the Sahara Desert....sort of.

Happily aboard the camel.

No visit to the zoo is complete without a visit of the giraffes....

Drawn with Love

What a busy Saturday!

The day could not have started off more perfectly, as Alexa and BFF Gabriella, who is in Buffalo, had a FaceTime session.  The dynamic between these two is hilarious, and I think Jenny and I were equally as entertained as the girls.  Shortly after the FaceTime session, Alexa and I headed off to swimming and gymnastics lessons, followed by a stop at Target, then a quick sandwich for lunch.  After a little time at home, we headed off to AirTime trampoline park for a fun birthday party.  Whew!

After the hectic pace of today, Alexa and I decided we will take a trip to the Phoenix Zoo tomorrow morning before it gets too hot.  Alexa grabbed the "Wild Times" zoo magazine and began to flip through every page and earmarked the "must-see" attractions for our visit tomorrow.  In the very back of the magazine, it includes reader-submitted drawings of various animals at the zoo.  Alexa loved looking at the pictures; I have a feeling I will be submitting an Alexa-original soon.

After seeing the children's drawings in the back of the zoo's magazine, Alexa was inspired to begin drawing pictures of animals.  The first animal she elected to draw, of course, was a giraffe, so I grabbed a stuffed one as a visual aid.  The two of us laid on the family room floor with her carousel of crayons and got to work on our masterpieces.  After a few attempts (apparently Alexa inherited my perfectionism when it comes to artwork), Alexa had drawn a giraffe to which she proudly printed her name.  This is one of those pictures I will file away and keep for the rest of my life, as a giraffe is never simply a giraffe.

A beautiful giraffe....with an interesting artist's signature.

The artist.

The Cutest Baby

In what seems to be typical Connie and Damon fashion, I returned home last night, and Damon flew out this morning to head to Cleveland for his college roommate's wedding.  We did get to spend about four waking hours together, so I cannot complain too much. :)

Since I was not home in time last night to take Alexa to swimming lessons, I scheduled a make-up lesson for her tonight.  Needless to say, she wasn't too excited about the make-up class, but she pushed through and had another good lesson.  On our way home from swim, Alexa began to have a very philosophical discussion with me about Granty.  As usual, she caught me completely off-guard, but I always love to hear how her mind works.

The conversation started off simply enough, as Alexa recounted how much she misses Granty and continued to tag him as "the cutest baby she'd ever seen."  Later in the conversation, Alexa asked if Granty was learning to walk in heaven.  It's interesting to think that Granty is forever five months-old to most of us, but through Alexa's perspective, he is growing up and doing all the things babies are supposed to do.  The discussion became a bit heavier, ask Alexa asked if Granty missed us and who holds him when he cries.  Oof.  I tried my best to explain heaven again, but I reminded Alexa that as long as we keep Granty in our hearts, he will know that we miss him just as much as he misses us.  Remembering him and talking about him will make Granty happy and make him feel special.  These answers seemed to satisfy her, but I will admit I hastily turned on the rear seat entertainment system to try to distract her.  This was too tough of conversation for me after a very long week.

My two little monkeys...with a stuffed one too.
Granty wasn't too happy about this picture.

Home Again

Ahh...it's going to be home.  After another long day of meetings, I was very happy to fly home tonight; I am exhausted!  However, I could not have asked for a better greeting when I arrived home - - Alexa and Alstott were ecstatic to see me.  It was a battle between those to two to kiss (lick) me first.  Alexa, performing a newly acquired "happy dance", excitedly recalled all of the details of today's Water Day for me.  Between the festivities of the day and my return, Alexa was jumping out of her skin with enthusiasm.  There really is no place like home!  

As I waited in line to board my Southwest flight, I couldn't help but notice that the woman who held the A53 pass (I was A54) had a giraffe-printed carry-on bag.  I continue to be amazed at the prevalence of all-things giraffe.....reminders of my little guy are everywhere.

Giraffe-fever.

Well-Planned

Even though the daily grind can sometimes be exhausting, I have to admit I miss my little girl.  Alexa and I spend a lot of quality time with the two of us (the downside of Damon's restaurant career), so it's an odd feeling to be without my sidekick for a couple of days.  My time in LA has been non-stop between all-day meetings, the baseball game last night and dinner at Il Fornaio tonight, so I haven't even had the chance to FaceTime with Alexa.  However, we had done a lot of planning before I left for LA, so even though I am not  there in-person, Alexa is still getting the "Mommy-esque" effect as if I were there.

Being the consummate perfectionist, over the course of the weekend, I organized some of the day-to-day elements for Damon and my mother-in-law Carol.  Since Alexa has become very picky about her wardrobe, the two of us laid out her outfits for each of the days I was going to be out of town.  I even packed her bag for tomorrow's "Water Day" and printed the e-mail from the teacher to remind Damon to send Alexa to school in her swimsuit.  Carol loves to do laundry, but she is not much of a cook, so I actually planned the meals for the week.  Shocking, I know, given my lack of enthusiasm about cooking!  Alexa and I made a pan of lasagna from scratch on Saturday afternoon, an activity that turned out to be fun for both of us.  Alexa really enjoys cooking, and she enjoyed the sampling even more.  I would not be surprised if she is cooking dinner for us in a few years; I would happily relinquish the cooking reigns to her.

I am looking forward to coming home tomorrow night; I have missed the nightly bedtime stories from Alexa's collection of library books.  And, of course, I'm excited for some leftover lasagna!

Sneaking a few bites of cottage cheese as we made
the filling for the lasagna.  I need to buy cottage cheese
more often - - she loved it (don't tell Uncle Steve).

Hard at work assembling the lasagna - - pretty
good work for a four year-old...she's a natural!

One Year Later

I am in Los Angeles for business meetings this week, so thankfully Nana Hovey made the trip to Scottsdale to stay with Alexa for three days.  I have a feeling Nana will be teaching Alexa some good techniques for saying her "L's" and "R's" over the next few days.

My trip to LA has felt a bittersweet.  Last year I was not able to attend the meetings, as I was too far along in my pregnancy to travel.  Rather, I spent 10+ hours on the phone each day, dialed into each meeting and breakout session.  Although it is nice to attend the meetings in-person - being on the phone for 10-hours each day was brutal - it still elicits some tough emotions to think about what has happened in just twelve short months.

Tonight's "team-building" activity was the Dodgers-Nationals game; I was bummed these meetings were not next week when the Dodgers play the Cardinals.  However, it was Matt Kemp Bobblehead Night, so I do have my brother-in-law Larry's birthday (in August) shopping complete.  It was a fun game and had a good turnout, but it was no Cardinals game...lol.

I found this picture of Granty on my computer
today...cuddling with Fredbird.  So peaceful.

Meaningful Art

While I was signing Alexa out of Aftercare today, one of her classmates greeted me outside the classroom.  I  see this five year-old girl daily, but out of nowhere, she asked me, "Mrs. Alexa's Mom.  Did Alexa's baby brother like the pictures we made for him?"  I was initially taken aback, but I made sure to let her know that Granty loved all of the beautiful pictures that were made for him.  This simple question really touched me, and I thought about it as Alexa and I drove home.  The children have probably made hundreds of art projects in the past few months, and I was shocked that one of her classmates remembered this activity from October.  Alexa's teachers were so important to our family during those rough few months, and I remember how excited Alexa was the day she came home with the pictures that all of her friends had drawn for her baby brother in the hospital.  It was nice to know the importance of the pictures for Granty resonated with her classmates as well....

As I was putting Alexa to bed tonight, reminding her that I am leaving for Los Angeles for a couple of days, she asked me if Los Angeles was close to heaven.  I had to smile (my CA-born girl obviously doesn't remember the 405 in rush hour traffic...lol), and I reminded her that Granty is always with us in our hearts.  :)

Forever in our hearts....

 

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

I vividly remember Damon and I remarking that 2012 would be my last Mother's Day with only one child; sadly, I awoke to one only smiling face again this year.  Today was definitely one of bittersweet celebration, however, I am fortunate to have a wonderful family and friends with whom I was able to spend the day.  Alexa made some beautiful Mother's Day art projects at school that I had seen on Friday, but she was very excited to re-gift them to me again today.  Damon went to two Paradise Bakeries (Panera) to find my special Mother's Day breakfast - - a cinnamon crunch bagel (terrible in the nutrition department, but so good!).  The afternoon was spent with Jenny and Laura, lounging poolside at the Talking Stick Resort.  All things considered, it was a wonderful day....I could not have asked for anything more!  I am truly blessed.

Granty did leave me a gift for which I will be forever grateful - - he made me a better mother.  This little boy brought out the best in me, helping me realize characteristics I never knew I had, and allowing me to recognize the strength that I possess.  He taught me a new perspective on life, forced me to conquer my fears head-on and instilled a sense of gratitude in me to recognize all that is good in my life.  Alexa (& hopefully future sibling(s)) will have a better mom thanks to our beloved Granty.

The loves of my life - - on vacation in San Diego.

XOXO Granty

Crash Landing

The windows of our home are apparently magnets for birds; the number of birds that crash into our windows is truly astounding.  Thankfully most of the birds are able to recover from their perilous flights, but there are a few that aren't so lucky.

While Alexa was eating a bowl of cereal before swimming lessons this morning, sure enough, a bird flew straight into the bank of windows by the kitchen table.  It was obvious from the onset that this one was not going to recover, so Damon and I immediately jumped into action, both desperate to shield Alexa from another experience with death.  She asked if the bird was going to die, but we both reassured her that he would probably get back up and fly away after bonking his head.  Meanwhile, I took her to brush her teeth while Damon went out back to make sure the bird "flew" away.  Needless to say, Alexa was thrilled to see the bird had recovered and flown away safely.

Ever since Alexa was forced to deal with topics well-beyond her years, Damon and I have been extremely protective, probably a bit overly-protective, to make sure she does not have to hear about death and dying.  The other day she told me she was "playing dead," and I quickly let her know that games about death were not allowed in our house, as death is not a topic about which to joke.  Yes, I probably overreacted, but it is a tough balance to find with this topic.  The wounds of Granty's death are very raw with all of us.  Besides, I'm okay if she's a little sheltered for awhile... :)

The first meeting in an all-too-short courtship.

Small World

Sometimes I feel like Alexa's swimming lessons are my second career...because she missed her lesson last Saturday, she has lessons three consecutive days this week - Thursday, Friday (make-up) and Saturday.  Whew!  I am looking forward to a break after swim and gymnastics tomorrow morning....

At swimming tonight, I happened to be sitting next to a mother whose four year-old son was in the class a lane over from Alexa.  Unlike Alexa, her son loves the water, so the mother felt terrible when she saw Alexa crying on the pool deck, as Alexa wasn't too sure about the coach-in-training that was helping with her lesson tonight.  Soon, she had a cheering section of myself and the other mother rooting her on and applauding the progress she was making in the pool.

In the course of my small-talk conversation with the mother, she somehow brought up that she used to work at Phoenix Children's Hospital.  I asked her what floor/department she worked at PCH, and she mentioned that she had worked on a number of units via the Child Life department.  Without any prompting, she said Oncology and the ICU were the toughest floors for her.  I initially hesitated, but I told her that our family had a lot of experience with PCH, specifically the two departments she mentioned, and relayed what amazing work they do.  As we walked to the showers to meet the kids, she told me how rewarding it was to hear my comments and personal stories about the impact of her former department.  According to her, it made her weekend. :)

Granty in Room 6105 - - - bouncing in the Jungle Seat from the Child Life department.

Home Videos

Damon was playing around with his computer today and began consolidating some of our family videos into his iTunes account.  As you might expect, the star of most of the videos was our first-born, Alexa.  It was fun to watch these videos of Alexa as a baby and a toddler and see the resemblances to the four year-old little girl we have today.  Although she has obviously grown up,  the similarities between "Baby Alexa" and "Pre-School Alexa" are undeniable....the same smirk, mischievous grin and silly laugh.  Knowing how similar Alexa and Granty looked, it was hard not to think of Granty as I watched Alexa grow and mature in those home videos.

When Damon turned on the video of Alexa's first birthday party, it made me too sad - - I had to ask him to turn it off.  As much as  I loved seeing Alexa's smiling (& very round) face in the video, it was too hard for me to watch knowing that we should be having that same experience with Granty in just a few weeks.  I wish Granty had been given the opportunity to have these same milestones in his life.

I know I will never fully be able to rationalize or understand why Granty was dealt such a tough card.  I can only continue to try to build upon his legacy and remember the lessons he taught all of us; I am a better person because of this remarkable little boy and the five months I had with him.  Selfishly, I still wish he was here....

Lounging on the couch - - the smirk is apparently genetic.

What an Event!

The preliminary totals are in, and I am ecstatic to announce that the Grant Hovannisian Memorial Golf Tournament will generate well-over $20,000 for Phoenix Children's Hospital.  Wow...truly amazing! Damon and I are beyond grateful for the generosity that people showed to benefit a place so close to our hearts.

Not only were we fortunate enough to have a renowned children's hospital in our local area with world-class facilities and physicians, but the people we encountered at Phoenix Children's Hospital truly defined our experience.  The compassion and respect they showed to Granty, as well as our entire family, will resonate with me for the rest of my life.

The "adorable baby in 6105" (later 6108) had no problem attracting fans, but interest did not simply stop with Granty.  Not only did everyone know our names, but they also knew that Granty had a big sister and made sure Alexa was made to feel special.  Not only did the staff compile a collection of books and toys for Granty, but they also made sure that Alexa also received books, stuffed animals, care packages, etc...  Despite the sadness of the reason we were there, we did have many heartfelt moments at PCH, like the wagon Nurse Mandy made-up for Grant's parade around the PICU unit, our family Thanksgiving on the hospital patio, Jenny of the Child Life department imprinting Granty's footprints in clay as a keepsake...the list is endless.

During Granty's final days, Damon and I made the decision to stay at the hospital, rather than a hospice house or at-home care, because it was the place we felt most comfortable.  It speaks volumes that we wanted to stay at PCH, and even more remarkably, the staff at the hospital was more than happy to accommodate to our request.  The staff arranged for a coffee cart and food in Grant's PICU room to ensure that we would not have to spend a moment away from him.  The attending PICU doctor continued to make frequent visits into the room, not only to check on Grant, but also to ensure that Damon and I were doing okay.

I hope we will never have to experience Phoenix Children's Hospital again, but I am grateful for everything PCH and its staff did for Grant and our family.  I am proud that Granty's legacy will continue at such an amazing place.

Quite the legacy!

Forced Phonics

After seeing Alexa gravitate towards only the practical lessons at school, I decided to make a concentrated to promote the "challenging" lessons - numbers and letters - at home.  I have a Parent-Teacher conference later this week, and I'm bracing myself for hearing about Alexa's lack of interest in academics.

Thankfully I was able to pick up a few pointers at Mom's Day regarding the alphabet-related lessons, so I have been making a conscious effort to use the Montessori method.  Instead of identifying the names of the letters, Alexa is learning the alphabet phonetically and identifying letters based upon the sound.  I've showed her words in People magazine, on boxes of cereal, in catalogs...basically anything with large-font.  We did have a small milestone tonight as we were sharing a Vitamin Water Zero.  Alexa was able to identify the sounds for all the letters in the word "Zero."  Four down, actually six, because she knows "A" and "G", twenty more letters to go.  Maybe there is still hope for Stanford afterall.  :)

However, I knew today's not-so-subtle phonics lesson was over when Alexa told me her brain was hurting.  There's always tomorrow...

If only she could color and draw all day....Alexa's dream.

First Speech

Back to normal...in addition to the normal Monday fatigue, Alexa was still recovering from the relatively late flight yesterday.  Taco night seemed to make things a little better though....

As we were in the grocery store tonight, Alexa told me she wanted me to hear her speech from Granty's golf tournament.  Before the trip, Damon and I had asked Alexa if she wanted to give a speech at the dinner, and she quickly agreed - - she is fifty-percent Armenian, after all.  We prepped her with a few things to say, but the rest was left to her own accord.  However, when it came time to speak at the tournament, she wasn't quite able to find the words.  I think she saw tonight as an opportunity for redemption. 

These are not her words verbatim, as I was shopping in the produce department at the time, but it captures the gist of her message:
"Thank you for coming tonight.  I am happy to be at this golf tournament for Granty...I love him very much.  He was the best baby brother and the cutest little baby you've ever seen.  I miss my Granty, and I love him so so much."

Not bad at all for her very first speech.... :)

Granty would be very proud of his doting big sister.

A Joyful Life

Several months back, I had received a coupon for 100 free 4x6 prints at Costco, and as I had some time to myself today, I decided to take advantage of the offer and upload photos to the website.  In this age of digital photography, it's amazing how few pictures I actually print.  What I expected to be a relatively simple exercise ended up being a very tear-jerking activity.  

I planned to use the prints to compile an album of Grant, and it quickly set in how short his life truly was.  He graced us with his presence for exactly 25-weeks.  It was touching to scroll through the photos to see the joy of his birth, recall the sadness of his hospitalizations and vividly remember all of the times in between.  However, one common theme throughout everything was Granty's smile....it was hard to find a series of photos in which Granty wasn't smiling.  Although his life was short, Granty lived it to the fullest - he exuded joy and exuberance.

At the golf tournament this weekend, the centerpiece of each table included an 8x10 photo of Granty throughout his five months of life.  When the pictures were being taken out of their frames today, Alexa began to sort through the photos and pick out her favorites.  After all was said and done, Alexa picked out her favorite picture of Granty....the one with her reading (or reciting) "Purplicious" to her beloved baby brother.  This is definitely one of my Top 5 of the two of them - it captures the essence and pride of her big sister role and the joy Granty brought to her life.

Smashing Success

Today was the Grant Hovannisian Memorial Golf Tournament benefiting Phoenix Children's Hospital, and I am floored and humbled by the support that was shown.  Nearly 100 golfers played 18-holes and another 200+ people attended the dinner, so many that the golf course had to explicitly cap attendance.  Wow!  There is no doubt how much our little boy is loved.....  I am completely overwhelmed and at a loss for words for the love, generosity and support that continues to be shown to our family.  We are truly blessed.

I am so proud and honored of Damon's brother Vincent and sister Gia for coordinating this event; it truly was an amazing tribute to our remarkable little boy.  I know the event exceeded all expectations, and I can only imagine how excited the Phoenix Children's Hospital Foundation will be to receive the final tally of the golf, silent auction and dinner.  PCH and its wonderful staff grew so close to our hearts in such a short period of time, and I am so thankful that Granty's legacy will continue at such an amazing place.

Tee time

The best golf socks - - all members of a foursome donned giraffe socks.

Gorgeous weather for an outdoor dinner & band.

What a turnout!

Enjoying the festivities....and guarding a cookie.

Happy 11-Month Birthday!

Happy 11-Month Birthday, Granty!

It's hard to believe my little guy would have been eleven months old today.  His personality was so big at just five months old, I can only imagine how vivacious he would be six months later.  Just like Alexa has Damon wrapped around her finger, like most dads are with their daughters, I think I would have been a sucker for Granty.  That grin and those eyes....he'd definitely have his way with me.

As much as I miss Granty and think about him constantly, I do feel his presence with me, whether it be through a deeper level of determination and perseverance or one of the many little reminds and signs that make me think of him.  I've had a lot of doctor's appointments in the last few weeks, and at the last four visits, "Home" by Phil Phillips has been playing on the office's sound system (radio, not a playlist).  I smile whenever I hear it, and I feel like it is one of many signs that Granty is watching out for me.

I would give anything to be in the process of planning his first birthday party, but I find a sense of peace, not to mention pride, in the legacy that continues in Granty's honor.  The generosity, love and support of family and friends has been evident, and so many families at PCH (and giraffes at zoos across the country) will benefit through Granty's legacy.  It truly is amazing how much this little guy unknowingly accomplished in his five months of life; his presence will continue to be felt for years to come.

"That grin and those eyes..."

Another Challenge

Today was "Mom's Day" at Alexa's school, a nice break from the normal routine, as I was able to skip the commute and work remotely for the rest of the day.

It was a good chance for me to finally see the Montessori method at work in her Primary class.  As soon as we entered the classroom, Alexa immediately went to pick up one of the lessons - a stamp with  watercolor paints.  After the stamping work, it was onto the metal inset (a tracing activity), and then she pulled out the tissue paper and glue activity.  Hmm...all of her selections seemed to be based upon art and fine motor skills.  Finally, Alexa's teacher interjected and suggested to Alexa that she should select some more challenging work - - - numbers and letters.

Alexa's teacher, who reads the blog religiously every morning, compared the task of getting Alexa to become engaged in the challenging work (numbers and letters) to her tendencies at swimming lessons.  Poor Ms. LeAnna!  I thought two times a week with swimming was tough, so I can only imagine the challenge on a daily basis.  I was always a good student, so it is quite a challenge to get my head around Alexa's lack of interest in numbers and letters.  I cannot fault Damon entirely for this one - - her perfectionist traits (getting frustrated if she doesn't get the hang of it quickly) are definitely from me.  I was very happy to hear her teacher will be leading Summer Camp...looks like Alexa will have a summer of learning!

There is hope though...tonight was the best swimming lesson in a long time.  She walked into the lesson entirely on her own, smiled and laughed with Coach Anthony and the girls in her class, and she even let go an swam on her own!  I don't know who was more excited about the lesson - progress!

Working on her letters and sounds....yeah!
(For the record, the Crocs are her indoor shoes at school :)

The Anticipation Is Building...

For over a week now, Alexa has been eagerly anticipating Thursday, May 2nd....it is Mom's Day at Montessori school.  I did not have the opportunity to volunteer for a Park Day this year, so I knew my attendance was a "must" tomorrow.  Thankfully the appointment and meeting gods were smiling upon me, and my calendar is abnormally free tomorrow morning.  Whew!

During dinner tonight, Alexa was giving me the lowdown of the rules I need to follow when I'm in her classroom in the morning.  No drinking from other people's water bottles, no touching other people's work, raise my hand or touch the teacher's shoulder if I want her attention, no sharing snacks....the list was endless.  She also told me not to wear high heels tomorrow because they're too fancy for the playground.  School rules and fashion advice....oy!

It's flattering to see how excited she is for me to come to her classroom, and I'm just as excited to see Alexa in her element.  I'm very curious to see some of the lessons she talks about - - the "metal inset" work and "insect" lessons are very popular with Alexa these days.  I finally get to see what she's talking about instead of politely nodding my head and saying, "Oh... that's nice."  It should be a very fun experience tomorrow morning (& my buddy Jenny will be there for backup too :)!

Hard at work on the Easter eggs...let's hope they''re as dedicated to their school work.