It's tough to adjust to the pervasiveness of this level of grief; it can quickly become all-consuming. I'll be the first to admit that I have intentionally kept myself extremely busy over the past few months simply to avoid falling into the "black hole" of sadness. Whevenever I have a moment of downtime, my thoughts always go to Granty. I relive so many of the moments of his life - - from the most joyous, to the most mundane (the things that became Granty-esque), to the saddest moments I will likely ever experience.
In the past four months, we have had plenty of moments of joy and happiness, but, even in these light-hearted moments, there's always an underlying feeling of emptiness. I know Damon and I both feel it, but we also see it in Alexa, just as she mentioned Granty while decorating Easter eggs. We all miss our boy, and there's not a day that goes by without him being mentioned in some context. It's not easy to go from a family of four back to a family of three.....
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| Grant on his four-month birthday in PICU at Phoenix Children's - Nurse Mandy put together one of her famous wagons for our little guy to be paraded around the 6th floor. Mr. Popular :) |
Connie, I have the 3rd and 25th of every month circled on my monthly calendar as these days prayers are devoted to Granty and a cure for Cancer. I too watched the Billikens game and knew immediately, before they even mentioned Joshua that he was their Poster Boy, I, like you am thankful that Granty never had to experience the pain, from his photos he was always happy. Love always, Joanne
ReplyDeleteConnie - you are amazing and so strong....Yes it is difficult and you manage to hold it together and I am sure Alexa helps. BUT It is also okay to grieve and have your moments. Grant truly is an angel of God......I am inspired by all your writings . .I read each and every one.....God continue to bless you all. Trish
ReplyDeleteYou are in my daily thoughts. You are absolute grace. Gwen
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