Rated G

Note to self....read the movie list at school when the teacher asks you for your signature of approval.

When I picked Alexa up from aftercare on Friday, the teacher had "that look" on her face and pulled me aside to speak to me.  Uh oh.  I was worried that Alexa had misbehaved or had gotten into trouble, so I braced myself for bad news.  However, it turned out that Alexa did nothing wrong, but rather the teacher was apologizing for the movie selection that afternoon - "All Dogs Go To Heaven."  Alexa got a little emotional when the movie was introduced, saying, "I know someone in heaven - my baby brother, Granty."  Apparently the tears just began flowing, stopping only when the teacher assured her the movie was about a different heaven.  That explanation seemed to provide her some resolve, but the poor teacher felt terrible that the movie caused such emotional distress for Alexa.  I felt terrible that I probably could have prevented this mess had I just read the dang movie list.

Instances like this reiterate how difficult the grieving process has and will continue to be for each of us; this something with which we'll be dealing for the rest of our lives.  I remember the support staff at Phoenix Children's Hospital telling us that we will likely have to inform each of Alexa's teachers and coaches about Granty as she progresses through school.  It's hard to believe that time is already upon us.

Now that she's five years-old, she is eligible to participate in sibling support groups, so I will be contacting the Child Life department of Phoenix Children's to see what resources are available.  There's no doubt that Ani's age and associated activities have brought memories of Granty to the front of our minds.  I am acutely aware that Ani is the exact age that Granty was during his final hospital stint; there are moments when it's impossible to look at her and not flashback to the grueling moments of his final eight days.  Poor Ani's probably wondering why her mom is always teary-eyed when the two of us are having our alone time on weekend mornings.

Little does she realize that her six-month birthday is going to be a milestone in so many facets.  Not only will the comparisons to Granty begin to dissipate - she's been in his shadow for her whole life thus far - but it will be great for Alexa to experience the joys associated with a baby sibling.  The excitement is just beginning :)

Alexa asked to see this picture of herself reading to Granty;
she told me it's one of her favorites.  Mine too.

Mobility Begins

Poor Ani...I looked through the most recent blog posts, and the little peanut's hardly been mentioned.  She'll develop 2nd/3rd child syndrome if these trends continue :)  Although she has not received a lot of mention, she continues to be an amazing baby, maintaining her easy-going disposition (except if you take away her bottle) and quickly learning how to get people wrapped around her finger.

When I flew to St. Louis with the girls, I had strapped Ani to me in the Baby Bjorn, and she's reached the point where she can face-out (yeah...head control!).  It didn't take her long to figure out that she could elicit reactions if she made eye contact with people in the airport and smiled.  I've never had so many comments about my kiddos as I did that evening in the airport with Ani.  Our flight was delayed, so she took advantage of the passing time and made sure everyone waiting acknowledged her and her crooked little grin.  As passengers boarded the flight, she sat on my lap, smiling at everyone who walked down the aisle.  She seemed especially enamored with a twenty-something guy who kindly informed me that I will be in big trouble when she's a teenager.  Great....

Mobility is also becoming a huge factor for our tiny peanut, something we never really had to address with Granty.  I have to admit, it is odd to see a baby of her size nearly-crawling - Damon and I joke that she's like a chihuahua underfoot, all 10-1/2 pounds of her.  It's been a challenge for each of us to get used to Ani's scooting and rolling, no one more than Alexa.  She's been used to being an only child, one who's never had to worry about the small pieces that are associated with most of her toys.  That's definitely not the case anymore.

Alexa was playing with a Lego set and its hundreds of microscopic pieces off to the side of Ani's mat.  Even though Ani was several feet away, she locked in on Alexa and those Legos and wriggled across the floor in record time.  I was washing the dishes and saw the entire situation unfold, even humming the "Jaws" theme as Ani approached Alexa...poor Alexa scrambled to pick up her Legos as fast as she could.

If Ani can move this fast in the creep position, we are in big trouble when she's figured out the crawling position.  Alexa may need to revert to baby toys comprised of large pieces just to avoid the hassle!

Our future troublemaker.... :)

Summer On

I received a call from my brother early this morning, and as soon as I heard my phone ring shortly after 6am AZ time, I knew exactly what the news would be.  Summer, the inspirational friend who gave Granty his beloved giraffe lovie, passed away this morning after her hard-fought battle with cancer.  Over the past few days, Steve and my sister-in-law Carolyn had been keeping me abreast of the latest updates, and her final battle shared many parallels to Grant's.  As much as my heart aches for her family, I know the odd sense of peace they feel to know that Summer is in a better place.

Cancer may ravage a body, but it seems to have an opposite effect upon the human spirit.  I remember one of the infusion nurses who administered chemo to Granty saying that working with cancer patients was the most humbling and awe-inspiring work she ever did, as the "never quit" attitude of the patients is what motivated her to come to work each day and try to be a better person.  I can't think of anyone who embodied that attitude more than Summer.  "Keep Calm and Summer On" became her tagline, and she even inspired the declaration of June 6th as Pay It Forward Day in Bloomingdale, IL (http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20140607/news/140608782/).  These random acts of kindness are a befitting legacy for an amazing woman who affected so many people, myself included, with her genuine acts of kindness.

Tonight as Alexa and I sat down to dinner, she asked me how my friend Summer was doing.  Alexa knew my friend Summer was sick, but her question tonight was out of the blue.  Death is not a taboo topic with Alexa, so I told her that I was sad because Summer died this morning.  Alexa didn't skip a beat and said, "It's okay because she gets to be with Granty now.  I think they'll have fun together."  Once again, Alexa - a consummate optimist - continues to put things in perspective for me.

Even with the sadness I feel, it gives me a little more peace to know that Summer's up there with Granty now....kindred spirits who shared a zest for life and leave behind long-standing legacies.  And I'm sure Alexa's right - they probably are having fun together :)

Out of Routine

Wow....it's been way too long since I have updated the blog, but the past week has been one of the busiest in a long time.  Alexa, Ani and I flew out last Wednesday night, landing in St. Louis at 1am, and I don't think we slowed down until we returned home yesterday.   Damon joined us in St. Louis via a red-eye flight on Friday night, so the weekend was even more of a blur for him.  Thankfully we had a wonderful time in St. Louis, celebrating two milestone birthdays (my niece Alana's 1st birthday and my dad's 70th) and Father's Day, taking extended family pictures (the first ones in nearly 10-years!) and enjoying a few of the attractions St. Louis has to offer.

On Father's Day, Alexa and I took Damon to the Cardinals game and enjoyed a winning game.  My parents graciously agreed to watch Ani; I don’t think the 90-degree temperatures and sunny seats would have been too enjoyable for her.  Alexa, on the other hand, was extremely excited for the game – her first one at Busch Stadium.  However, I’m not sure if it was the game itself or the extra-curriculars that had her most excited.

For weeks, Damon and I had promised Alexa two things during her first ballgame at Busch Stadium:  cotton candy (she’s been begging me for months to try it) and the opportunity to build a Clydesdale at the stadium’s Build-A-Bear.  We didn’t even make it to our seats before Alexa saw the Build-A-Bear, despite Damon’s efforts to distract her, and made sure we fulfilled the promise.  She is now the proud owner of a pink and sequined St. Louis Cardinals t-shirt and tutu skirt-clad Clydesdale named NeNe Elizabeth, in honor of her beloved grandmother.    Leave it to Alexa to be-dazzle a Clydesdale!  The quest for cotton candy was slightly longer lived, as we were in our seats when the vendor passed us, but I don’t think the game had even begun.  Needless to say, I kept very close tabs on the enormous bag of sugar and rationed her portions like a hawk.  At the current pace, the bag will likely last nearly a week!

Despite the heat, Alexa hung in pretty well at the ballpark and watched the game pretty intently.  Much to her dismay, Yadier Molina was not in the line-up, but thankfully we had plenty of Yadi sightings when he would warm-up the pitchers between innings.  It also helped that the Cardinals were winning from the get-go, and the home runs and associated fireworks had her standing on her seat, enthusiastically cheering for the Cards.  She also loved the roving vendors, and I would quickly smack down her hand each time she tried to flag the beer vendor.  It was a truly memorable afternoon at the ballpark, including a moment that defines the daddy-daughter relationship she has with Damon.

During the top of the 4th inning, Alexa accompanied me to the Cardinal Team Store to see if I could find some cute Cardinals apparel for Ani (no luck).  While we were shopping, Alexa selected a few items that she asked me to buy for her, but I quickly shot down each request, suggesting that she bring her own money if she wanted to save up and buy something.  Later in the game, Damon headed off to browse the Team Store, and Alexa accompanied him, as I assumed that she wanted a break from the intense sun pounding our seats.  About 15 minutes later, I looked back to see Alexa and Damon coming down the aisle, and Alexa was sporting a brand-new Cardinals baseball cap, one that I distinctly recalled telling her I would not buy.  Apparently Damon doesn’t have the same hardened stance (note to self – tell Damon when I reject an Alexa request) that I do, and he happily caved to his daughter’s request.  I immediately called out Alexa’s antics when she returned to her seat, and she just gave me her devilish grin while Damon happily admitted his defeat.

I can foresee that Damon and I are in big trouble if he’s already powerless against the charming antics of Alexa….  Something tells me this hat at age five is going to convert to a BMW at age sixteen.  I consistently remind him that we now have two girls, and whatever he does for one, he’s going to have to do for the other.  Not to mention that I’m sure Ani will learn a few things from her older sister and create an even more compelling repertoire of ways to manipulate her dad.  I think we’d better enjoy these next couple of years before Ani’s mastered the art of manipulation; it will only go downhill from there!

Enjoying a Father's Day baseball game at Busch Stadium.

A Week of Milestones

I haven't been feeling good for a few days, so I took a bit of a hiatus from updating the blog.  The bed has definitely trumped the laptop at night.  Since we have an upcoming trip to St. Louis, I actually bit the bullet and went to the doctor today.  It looks like I have an ear infection coupled with a case of strep throat...lucky me.  Damon was battling strep throat a week ago, so I wasn't too surprised that I caught it.  The doctor was shocked to find out that this is my first time having strep throat; my 30+ year run has come to an end :)  Despite being under the weather, we've had our normal busy days at the Hovey house.

Poor Damon.  His birthday celebration was cut a little short on Thursday night, as I began to feel terrible that evening and went to bed the moment after he (actually Alexa) blew out his candles.  Thankfully we were able to celebrate earlier that evening with a birthday dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory; yes, we broke the fried chicken tradition this year.  It's always interesting to go to dinner with Damon; he cannot turn off the Restaurant Manager inside of him.  The food was good last night, but the service and bussing left a lot to be desired.  I had to laugh when Damon left his chair to find someone to refill his iced tea - he became "that guy."  I was impressed that he was able to overlook the lackluster service and enjoy himself; I guess linguine with clam sauce can help you overlook these things.  On the bright side, I think this Old Spaghetti Factory experience has set the bar pretty low for me to surpass for his birthday celebration next year - - the big 4-0 in Las Vegas!

Continuing our long week of birthdays, yesterday Ani celebrated her five-month birthday (Alexa was disappointed it wasn't a "real" birthday with cake and ice cream).  It's hard to believe she's already five-months old; this year has been flying by!  Like many things, it was a bittersweet day for Damon and myself.  Five-months was the last milestone that Granty was able to celebrate - a reminder of just how short life can be.  Now that Ani has reached the five-month mark, she is able to eat solid foods, beginning with simple rice cereal.  Alexa had been eagerly awaiting the day that she would be able to feed Ani with a spoon (Granty never had solids), and thankfully Ani did not disappoint.  She was a mess!  She had no problem eating the cereal, but she's already starting to take after me - - she tries to grab the spoon and feed herself.  Damon and I are in big trouble if she's trying to demonstrate her independence at five-months.

Although the week started out with a very sad celebration, it was nice to have some happy times during the rest of the week.  I've reached the point of birthday cake overload, but Alexa is already counting the days to her cousin's first birthday celebration this weekend.

6/5: Celebrating Damon's birthday with his traditional ice cream cake.

6/7: Very eager for Alexa to give her another spoonful of rice cereal.

And this is why she was only wearing a diaper for her feeding....:)

Running Buddy

After an emotionally draining day yesterday, I was exhausted when the alarm went off at 5am.  I fully intended to head out for a run this morning, but Ani has an uncanny ability to wake up at exactly the same time my alarm sounds.  Her punctuality is amazing, especially since the master bedroom is across the house so there's no way she hears my iPhone alarm.  Once I saw her goofy grin, I was more than happy to shelve the running shoes and feed Ani; this little girl has me wrapped around her finger.

When we came home from gymnastics tonight, Alexa was eager to watch her daily television show, so I planned to hop on the treadmill and eek out a run while Ani snoozed in the car seat.  Once again, she foiled my plan to run, as she woke up from her catnap the instant I began to program the treadmill.  I'm starting to think she has a sixth-sense....  It's becoming increasingly harder to get motivated to run late at night, so I decided to sit Ani in the Bumbo seat next to the treadmill to see how long she'd allow me to run.  I wasn't too optimistic that she would sit happily, expecting maybe enough time to squeeze in a mile or so.  I'm not sure if it was the murmur of the motor or rhythmic motion of my bright running shoes, but Ani was transfixed by the treadmill.  The lovie I'd given  her for entertainment was immediately dropped, and she was squawking and smiling at me as I embarked upon my run.  Miraculously I was able to run 3-miles before Alexa came into the room and was ready for dinner.  Not too shabby!

With Granty's picture in front of the treadmill and Ani grinning at me from the side, it was not hard to summon the motivation to run.  I think we have a future cheerleader on our hands...or at least my new personal trainer!

One cute cheerleader....a very biased opinion, of course!

Happy 2nd Birthday!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Granty!

It it crushing to me to have yet another year pass without having to plan a birthday party for my little guy.  As silly as it seems, I love spending an inordinate amount of time planning the kids' birthday parties - - it's a rare opportunity for me to tap into my creative juices.  It's a very hollow feeling to know that his birthday parties will always be represented by a simple Sprinkles cupcake and donation to Phoenix Children's Hospital...not the typical Hovey birthday festivities.

While at a birthday party last week, it was jarring for me to see three little boys whose birthdays fall within three-months of Granty's.  It was a harsh reminder that a two year-old isn't a baby anymore (as Grant is forever emblazoned in my mind), but rather is a full-blown little boy.  Seeing the little boys running around reminded me how much time has actually passed since we've had Grant with us.  Alexa constantly asks about Granty and what he's doing now, wanting to know if Granty has teeth and is walking and talking.  Honestly, I never have a good answer for her.  In my mind, I picture a little guy playing t-ball and loving to swim in the pool, but I am fully aware of what the reality of living with an aggressive brain tumor would have meant.  Alexa's version is usually a lot less grounded in reality and much more imaginative - she's even asked how he is able to keep his wings attached (he is an angel afterall). I am more than happy to let Granty exist however Alexa imagines him to be.

As I was getting ready in the bathroom this morning, I overheard Alexa talking to Damon about the things Granty used to do....from rolling around on the bed with his constant leg kick to pulling her hair to laughing hysterically at my silly noises.  She truly remembers her little brother, and I continue to hold onto that as a shining example of Grant's legacy.  My biggest fear has been that Alexa will forget about her baby brother and the memories of him will dissipate - she was only three years-old during his life.  However, she continues to show only the highest regard for her little brother and recalls his memory dotingly.

Tonight Alexa was thrilled to blow out Granty's candles, even requesting two rounds of 'Happy Birthday' since Granty turned two this year - of course, that also meant blowing out the candles twice.  The birthday 'celebration' this year felt more complete than last year, as the arrival of Ani has provided a significant boost to our family.  She has been a source of hope for all of us, and one look at her lop-sided grin is an instant sign of Granty's spirit in her. :)

Happy Birthday, Granty!

Making the most of another birthday celebration without our little guy...

A wish for our Granty.