Blessed & Lucky

Wow - - I am in shock and awe of the response of family and friends to the mention that Alexa and I ( + my father-in-law Vernon) would be participating in the Ignite Hope walk tomorrow night to benefit Phoenix Children's.  I have received donations that have placed me as the #19 fundraiser for the event.  Wow.  I am humbled by these donations, not to mention the outpouring of support that Damon and I continue to receive from all over the world via donations in Grant's name to Phoenix Children's, cards, letters, texts, gifts, etc....

I've been asked how Damon and I are able to deal with Granty's death so well - - it's a pretty easy answer.  We have been so fortunate to have the support of family, friends and even complete strangers.  Grant's life and passing has brought out the best in people, including ourselves.  We have our moments (each time I think I can't cry anymore, somehow more manage to come), but Grant's spirit is being preserved in each and every one of us.  His lessons of hope, faith, love and perseverance are alive and well.

Assuming the Ignite Hope walk is a success, I am already looking forward to next year, as I will dedicate myself to creating a team - Granty's Giraffes - so that we can make sure Phoenix Children's always has a reminder of my little boy.  As I joked with Damon, someday our little Granty will have a wing of the hospital in his name :)

Tomorrow's Walking Team - - including our honoree.

Practicing for the 1.7mi walk at the San Diego Zoo (in Aug'12).

Missing Granty

I think Damon and I initially underestimated the effect of Grant's loss upon Alexa; she definitely misses her baby brother.  It's very rough to know that her first real experience with death and introduction to the topic had to involve her little brother.  Although she evokes some tears, it makes me happy to realize just how much Alexa loved Granty and cherished her big sister role.  The mentions of him come at random times - - when we were driving to gymnastics class, she looked at the empty seat next to her and said that she missed Granty riding in the car next to her.  Yesterday was a real tear-jerker when I told Alexa about her cousin Luke's new baby brother - she asked if Luke would share his baby brother with her since Granty had died.  Talk about tears...oye!

As with all of us, I expect time will be a huge component of helping her deal with Granty's death.  She's been back in the normal routine of school since Monday, and she's had an added bonus this week of two weekday gymnastics classes (she loves going to the gym more than anything), making up for all of the classes she missed over the past few weeks.  Tonight we also began playing with 'The Elf on the Shelf' that my dear friend Linda sent to her.  She decided to name her elf Grant (aww...I'll just ignore that the elf is wearing a skirt), and begged the elf not to talk to Santa tonight because she had bitten her friend at school today.  I hope the many activities that we have planned for the coming weeks, Ignite Hope walk, Zoo Lights, trip to StL, etc..., will help with her healing process.  She's a tough little kid, and I know this little girl will be able to overcome anything.  She is a mini-me, after all :)


Always ready to help Mommy bathe Granty....look at both their smiles :)



Igniting Hope

Congratulations to Damon's sister Gia and her husband Andrew, as they welcomed another little boy into their family today - Austin George Kazarian.  Damon and I are very excited to have another nephew, and I know Alexa was happy to hear that the baby is out of Auntie Gia's tummy.  We're looking forward to our next trip to Fresno to meet the little guy!  He will bring a lot of hope and joy to the Hovannisian family.

I happened to be trolling through the Phoenix Children's website, and I discovered that an inaugural "Ignite Hope" walk will be held on Saturday night.  Despite the short notice, I decided that Alexa and I will embark on the 3.4 mile walk (or 1.7 miles if we shuttle it back) together to benefit PCH.  Alexa's a pretty good athlete for 3.5 years old, so I have all the confidence in the world that she'll be able to make it (or that I can carry her on my shoulders if she tires out).  I think she'll love picking out a new toy to donate and will really like carrying the flashlight.  Damon was disappointed because he's working that night, but we are already plotting the fundraising efforts we will do for the walk next year in honor of team "Granty's Giraffes."  SO...consider yourself forewarned if Damon or myself are asking for donations or participants to walk with us next year. lol :)

My walking buddy Alexa - - and her new friend.
(courtesy of the Mehew family!)
FINALLY - - a real Christmas decoration!

A Day of Thanks

Today was a much better day than yesterday, largely because I uncovered a rather therapeutic activity - - writing thank you notes to the medical personnel who took such wonderful care of Granty in his 175 days of life.  Grant was lucky to be treated by people who viewed him not as a patient, but as if he were one of their own.  We heard it over and over again from doctors and nurses that they loved our little boy.

His primary pediatrician and nurse are truly wonderful, not just in the work they do, but also the personal attention that they showed to us.  Dr. Z and Nurse Nichole came to Phoenix Children's after work on the Monday Grant was in PICU just to visit the little boy they grew to love so much for one final time.  Amazing.

I also cannot say enough good things about Phoenix Children's Hospital and the people who work there; we are so lucky to live in a metropolitan area with a world-class facility like this.  Damon and I have a new found respect for what these pediatric doctors, nurses and hospital support staff do.  We never once doubted that the neurosurgeons, oncologists and critical care personnel treating Grant were doing what was best for him.  It was a 'no-brainer' to request donations in Grant's name to PCH - - anything we can do to give back to a place that gave so much to us.

Speaking of giving back, I've found a resort in Scottsdale that hosts a Winter Wonderland, with portions of the proceeds benefiting PCH.  Alexa has been begging to go ice skating since I was pregnant with Granty, so I will be taking her there one night for some ice skating, a train ride and viewing of the Christmas lights (no sitting on Santa's lap for this kiddo...she's petrified of him like I was).  I'll definitely post pictures of what I expect to be a very fun night - - - unless we see Santa.  Then I might be posting pictures of a 3.5 year old screaming in horror. lol

'Waving' to his fans. :)

Happy 6-month Birthday!

Today is Granty's six-month birthday....I clearly remember writing the entry for his five-month birthday and honestly cannot believe what transpired in the past month.  It was a pretty tough day for all of us - not only being Grant's b-day but also the first day it has been just the three of us.  I tried to distract myself with a little Christmas shopping for Alexa (50% off Crayola at Michael's today), but I could not believe how many giraffe items I spotted.  I never knew that a gold giraffe print ribbon was a holiday item at the craft store.  As tough as it is to see, I do get a little smile on my face when I see the giraffe items and think of my precious baby boy.  I know he's watching out for me :)

For the luncheon in the church hall, we had printed 23 8x10 pictures of Grant from various phases in his life.  I did purchase some new frames today, and I'm starting to place these photos around the house.    I'm glad we have enough shelf and wall space to display these photos, as it will be nice to have a reminder of Grant's vivacious personality, smile and gorgeous eyes in every room of the house.  Definitely no second child syndrome (lack of individual photos) for this kiddo!

Love at first sight.

Temporary Guardians

Before Damon, Alexa and I left Fresno today, we stopped by the cemetery to pay a quick visit to Granty.  Prior to this past week, no one in our immediate Hovannisian family had ever considered burials or cemetery plots.  There wasn't a large group of plots near occupied sites, and we didn't want Grant to be alone for the next 20+ years.  So, Granty was buried in a 'plot next to Damon's paternal grandparents - - Kasper and Siroon.  Damon never met Grandpa Kasper, but Grandma Siroon was an iconic matriarch for the Hovannisian family, and she always had a special place for all of the men in the family.  She will definitely watch over the newest Hovannisian boy and take good care of this little 'uddy-wuddy' for us.  Granty will eventually be moved, but we know he's in great hands in the interim.

Obviously a cemetery is a very new concept to Alexa, but we simply explained it as a place where we go to remember people who have died.  Alexa loved the idea of bringing decorations, and she happily left the flowers on Grandma Siroon's headstone and balloons on Granty's plot.  She seemed to understand the concept pretty well, as she looked at a picture of Grant that was placed there and said, "Goodbye, Granty.  I love you baby brother."  And then she took off running, making sure all of the flowers and Christmas decorations that had been left on other headstones were properly arranged (neat and orderly...that's my girl).  That's what I love about Alexa - - she understands the concept, but doesn't stew on it.  She's a wonderful distraction for all of us :)

A New Reality

The reality of the new normal started to hit today....Grant's absence is very palpable.  All of my family flew home today, and Damon had headed out with some friends, leaving Alexa and I by ourselves for a bit this afternoon.  It was the first time Alexa and I had been alone together in weeks, and it was so odd to play with her without having to juggle both her and Grant.  I became an expert multi-tasker, balancing the two kiddos, and it's such a bizarre feeling to know that Alexa has my sole and undivided attention again.  No listening for a monitor, carrying two kids at once or centering our play around Granty.....

I know the reminders of Grant will be frequent and strike at some of the most peculiar times.  Vernon (my father-in-law) and I were watching the SEC title game today, and there was a commercial with snippets of families and babies.  Both of us let out an "Awww," each of us thinking of Granty and knowing we won't get to see those moments of him growing up.  Or today I had popped into Target, and I had to remind myself that I no longer had to scope the racks for cute boys' clothes in the 3-6 month size.

Damon and I both know that we won't have an easy road ahead, but we're going to take it one day at a time and make a conscious effort to preserve Grant's legacy each day.  We're so fortunate to have the love and support of so many friends and family members.