My Granty

Today the Niehoff celebration of Christmas kicked into high-gear, with two of my siblings and their families arriving in St. Louis.  Alexa was eagerly awaiting the arrival of her cousins and must have asked 100+ times when they would be arriving, because, in her words, they were taking forever.  I was working remotely today, so thankfully NeNe was able to keep her occupied by giving her tasks to do before her cousins arrived, the most important one being the placement of the gifts under the Christmas tree.

I was working in the other room and listening to my mom (NeNe) try to continue the promotion of phonics to Alexa.  As my mom was showing Alexa the nametags on the gifts, they discovered that all of the grandchildren had an "A" in their name.  After going through each child's name in descending age order, my mom was explaining the placement of the "A" in Grant's name.  Alexa excitedly said, "My Granty!?!"  I love that she continues to cherish her brother and big sister role; nothing makes me happier.

Today's 'weepy moment of the day' came when my parents were opening the photo calendar of all of their grandchildren.  This was the second year we had given them a grandchildren calendar, and I had designed it, so I was very familiar with the layouts, photos, etc... and had already seen it plenty of times.  However, as my mom flipped to June (Grant's birth month), I started to cry, as the reality that Granty will never have a first birthday hit home.  I did feel a little better when I saw Damon and my sisters (in-law too) were tearing up as well - - it's always better to cry with people versus the soda aisle of Fry's :)  This boy evokes the tears and emotion from everyone.  To think I used to be the unemotional one - - so much so that my sister Julie even said it in a legal deposition (lol).  Yes, my little boy has changed me....

The kids' table tonight....

Bittersweet

Today was not only Christmas Day but also the one-month anniversary of Granty's death, so it was a day of mixed emotions and bittersweet celebration.  It seems like ages since I've held my little boy or seen his vivacious smile; it's hard to believe it's only been one-month.  Damon and I know it's going to get easier sometime, but this has been one heck of a rough month and a true test of our faith.

This was the first Christmas that Alexa grasped the concept of Santa, and her excitement this morning was a welcome start to the day.  She's a very meticulous present-opener, making sure to remove ever last bit of wrapping paper from each present, so the gift opening lasted about 20 minutes this morning.  Even though Santa forgot a collection of Disney Princess dolls in Damon's closet in Arizona, Alexa was thrilled by the gifts he brought her - - the coveted dress-up clothes and a pink camera were the highlights.  Santa did try to interject some educational components, surprising her with a phonics book and an A-B-C bead game.  It's worth a shot... :)

As I was running this afternoon (braving the freezing temperatures and wind), I was thinking about my Granty - a pretty normal thought whenever I'm running.  It would have been cute to see him sitting and creeping on the floor, probably trying to tear off some wrapping paper.  I'm sure big sister Alexa would have been just as excited for the gifts Santa brought Grant as she was for her own.  Ahh...what could have been. 

Despite not having a physical presence, Granty was with us today.  The front page of the St. Louis newspaper had an article about Matt Holliday and David Freese, two St. Louis Cardinals, who pay regular visits to a children's hospital in St. Louis and have befriended the patients, including some cancer patients.  It was truly a feel-good story about two amazing athletes but also two selfless superstars - I can only imagine the excitement of the kids they meet.  I had to smile thinking about Granty and his stuffed Fredbird (the Cardinals mascot) that was always next to him in the hospital bed and even accompanied him to surgery.  As I checked out the Phoenix newspaper online, a front page article discussed the Ryan House, the children's hospice home that we had considered for Grant's last week before deciding to stay in PICU.  It just seemed a pretty unique coincidence that both newspapers featured front page articles about topics so relevant to Grant and our family.

An ornament in Granty's honor adorns my parents' Christmas tree.

Santa paid tribute to Granty with a pink giraffe swimsuit for Alexa.
As soon as she saw it, she said "Granty!"

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

The combination of tiredness and an unreliable wi-fi connection overrode the update of the blog yesterday.  Damon flew in yesterday morning with all of Alexa's presents (he flew Southwest vs. Alexa and I on US Airways - - free luggage), so I had to wait until late last night to wrap all of her gifts.  I threw my normal perfectionism out the window and was just focused on getting paper on each gift, with no regard to appearance.  My how my priorities have changed. :)

We had a wonderful Christmas Eve with both the Niehoff and Hoeing sides of the family.  It had been years since we'd visited both sides of the family on Christmas Eve, so it was a nice throwback to a tradition of Christmases past.  The evening began in a perfect manner - a mass said in Grant's honor at my Uncle Paul and and Aunt Midge's house.  The spirit of our little boy is always with us.

The gatherings were exactly what Damon and I needed - great food (including my spectacular 'homemade' dip from Costco) and being surrounded by the love of our extended family.  Alexa was having the time of her life playing with all of her 'new friends' (first cousins once removed), and the excitement of the day kept her up after 10pm.  Today should be interesting.....

Alexa and Simone (my cousin Sara's daughter).
Two peas in a pod.....

Happy to be with Godmother Auntie Karen.

Alexa and Cousin Marie - the blonde crew.

Another Kind of Zoo - - the Airport

Alexa and I flew to St. Louis this morning, and had a different kind of zoo experience than yesterday morning...the Phoenix Airport was busy!  Thankfully Alexa and I had only carry-on bags, and, thanks to my sister, there was already a car seat in St. Louis - - the luggage check-in lines were snaking through the airport.  Whew!  A TSA agent noticed Alexa and I waiting patiently in the security checkpoint line, and he came over to us and told us to switch to the employee line.  I'm not sure if it was the holiday spirit or something else, but the TSA agent saved us probably 30-45 minutes of waiting time.  After a completely full flight and two maintenance delays totaling over an hour, we made it safely to St. Louis.  Despite the delays, Alexa was extremely well-behaved on the flight.  She couldn't get off the plane and into the terminal fast enough; as soon as she saw her beloved NeNe (Grandma Niehoff), she sprinted towards her screaming, "NeNe!!!"  I think that made my mom's day.... :)

Granty continues to be in the forefront of all of our minds, especially as the one-month anniversary (December 25th) of his passing draws near.  I was packing his "GVH" tote to use as a carry-on for the trip, and Alexa was in his room with me as I pulled out some of his personal effects from that last hospital stay.  Alexa pulled out his little green, rattle ball and said, "Aww....Granty's ball.  Why did he have to die?"  Good thing she's easily distracted because I had no answer for that...trust me, I wish I did.  Another reminder came on the airplane - I had booked the tickets in early September (well-before any of the major life-changing events), so Grant was booked on the reservation as a lap child.  The flight attendants were in the back of the plane trying to find the elusive lap child that was included on the flight's manifest.  I had to tell them that originally my son was going to be flying with us but the plans had changed.  Argh. 

It is good to be home in St. Louis - Alexa's been in heaven with the attention she's receiving from her grandparents and godmother (Auntie Karen).  Alexa's teacher also helped to improve my mood, as she sent me one of the pictures from the pajama/cookie decorating party earlier this week (Thank you, Ms. LeAnna!) - - the picture is below.

One happy cookie decorator....looks like she
was also the official icing taste tester.

Sunrise at the Zoo

Through the kindness of a co-worker and his connection at the Phoenix Zoo, our family was given an amazing opportunity to visit with the giraffes today.  We arrived at the zoo around 7am (an hour before it opened to members), and we were escorted to the giraffe barn for an up-close encounter with the giraffes before they were released into the savanna for the day.  Upon entering the barn, we were immediately mesmerized by the giraffes - - they are such beautiful animals.  I never realized the acuteness of their senses, but as soon as we entered the barn, all five giraffes took notice of our presence...some a little bit more interested in us than others.  It was amazing to stand within a few feet of the animals as they towered over us.

We headed outside of the barn to a fenced area where the zookeeper had plenty of biscuits and treats to feed them.  Alexa was in pure heaven, and I saw a sense of giddiness and glee that I haven't seen in a long time.  She absolutely loved having the giraffes crane their necks and swoop down to grab a treat from her hand with their big black tongues.  It look a few treats for her to get the hang of it (she kept dropping the treats before the giraffes had them wrapped in their tongues), but she loved every minute of it.  The giraffes definitely took a liking to Miss Alexa when she had the treats in her hand.

Damon and I just stepped back and enjoyed: Alexa's excitement and joy, the majestic nature of the animals and, of course, thoughts of our beloved little boy.  The giraffes are the perfect animal to associate with Granty - amazing eyelashes around big, round eyes, a gentle demeanor and a remarkable sense of surroundings.  A quiet but powerful presence.

Alexa new it was going to be a special day when Granty the Elf left a sparkle giraffe t-shirt and matching hair clips for her.  The visit to the zoo did not disappoint.  Alexa and I were driving down the 101 freeway to friends' house tonight, and she began discussing the excitement of the zoo and the fun she had there.  Without any prompting or questions, she told me the boy giraffe (there was one male and four females) reminded her of Granty.  My eyes welled up with tears (shocking, I know), and I was so happy to hear that she has made such a positive association between Granty and giraffes.  Damon and I want nothing more than for her to have wonderful memories of her beloved baby brother, and it sounds like we're on the right track.

The Hovey fam - with 3 of the 5 giraffes.

No shyness here (from the giraffe nor Alexa).

The face is priceless - - pure joy.

Little Miss Popular

Coming in for the biscuit.

Always a show-off....pretending to eat the giraffe treats :)

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Alexa's Montessori School held it's Primary Class Winter Program today, so Damon and I were excited to go to the school to see Alexa perform with her class.  I finally let her wear a pink, glittery dress she's been begging to wear - it has a great "twirl factor" - and she was beside herself getting ready this morning.  She's been singing every holiday song (some that I don't even know), and Fridays with Mr. John, the music teacher, have been the highlights of her week.  Alexa's class was the first to sing their song - "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."  Damon and I were very proud of our little girl; she was up there performing her heart out - - belting out the words, head bobbing, hand motions, etc...  I'm hoping the school will sell the videos, because it truly was a priceless performance that had Damon and I smiling and laughing.

On the way out of the performance, we saw what would have been Granty's Infant class sitting in the 4-child strollers.  We were happy to see the teachers who truly loved G (that was the planned name because there was a Graham in class) as if he had been one of their own.  I know Damon and I both got a little weepy - that seems to be our norm these days - as we saw one open seat in the stroller.  It was one of those wistful moments.....

Papa Hovey paid a visit to our little boy today, and I'm proud to say that he's decorated for the holidays too.  Cue additional weepy moments... :)

Ready for her big performance....
(Notice Granty the Elf in the background - -
he likes to do gymnastics and is usually hanging or swinging.)

Decorated for the holidays.

The Magic of Christmas

It's hard to believe Christmas is just five days away...yikes!

I have a very dear friend, Linda, in New Jersey who is one of the most festive people I know when it comes to Christmas - - - her house has so many decorations that it rivals the Macy's Herald Square in New York City.  I can only imagine what she would say if she saw my arsenal of Christmas decorations (or lack thereof) here in Arizona.  Anyway, I absolutely love the whimsy and spirit of the holidays that she exudes.  Earlier this week, she sent me a note asking for pictures and some information about Alexa - what she wanted for Christmas, things she was doing in school, etc... - so I knew Linda was up to something.  I found out today when I received an e-mail of a Santa video that was created for especially for Alexa (I should have mentioned Linda's super-creative too) on a 'Portable North Pole' website.  I wish I had a camera to videotape Alexa as she was watching the Santa video - her jaw dropped when Santa and the elves mentioned her name, and she could barely contain her excitement as she watch the video that included pictures of her while Santa mentioned all of those special things about her.  She was actually talking back to the video, as if Santa could hear her, and shrieking with excitement at every scene.  It was an awesome feeling to see the magic and wonderment of Christmas alive in Alexa.

In another instance of keeping a spirit alive, I'm very happy to note that Granty has been commemorated in the PICU of Phoenix Children's Hospital.  A family from Alexa's Montessori School had raised money for cancer patients at PCH (this was a week or two before Grant was diagnosed), and they used the money to buy toys and games for the Child Life department at the hospital.  In a special tribute to Grant, this amazing family bought a giraffe coat hook and framed giraffe picture that are proudly displayed and dedicated to Granty in the Child Life department on the 6th floor of the hospital (PICU).  I cannot tell you how touched I was to have these special tributes to Granty in a department and place that helped us so much.

Alexa and a new doll - - she named the doll "Porkchop."
I have no idea why.....

Granty's coat hook and framed giraffe picture at PCH. :)