It's Never to Early....

While I was making dinner tonight, Alexa suddenly popped into the kitchen to ask how many more days there are until Christmas.  Initially, I assumed she was eagerly awaiting the arrival of her baby sister, as we have given her the timing of "after Christmas" for when the baby will arrive.  However, she quickly quashed those thoughts, as she brought me the Pottery Barn Kids catalog to show me some of the Christmas decorations that caught her eye.  Ahh...the power of marketing.

Admittedly, our holidays last year were a little less than enthusiastic, so it's no wonder Alexa is already looking forward to the holiday season.  After I told her Christmas is still three-months away, Alexa's spirits were not diminished in the least, and the two of us listened to her animatronic bear (a gift from my good friend Linda) recite "Twas the Night Before Christmas" while I made dinner.  Tonight's bedtime story was even "The Elf on the Shelf."  It's a good thing we don't have an artificial tree, otherwise I have a feeling we would be the only house in the neighborhood with a Christmas tree set up in October.

In the meantime, I made sure the Pottery Barn Kids catalog found its way to the recycling bin....there's no way my frugal self can pay full price for Christmas decorations.  :)

Already looking forward to Christmas 2013!

Change of Season

The long, hot summer seems to be nearing an end in Phoenix, something I've been anticipating for weeks now.  I was never so happy to turn off the air conditioner and open up all of the doors on the back of the house.  Today I had to remind Alexa that she could go outside and play, as it has been months since she's been able to play outside for more than ten minutes.

Alexa and I attended a Princess-themed birthday party this afternoon, a perfect chance for her to wear one of her dress-up costumes outside of the house.  I must have been asked 100-times between 9am and 2pm whether it was time to leave for the party.  We had a good time - it's always funny to watch these girls, who spend 10-hours a day, 5-days a week together, act like they haven't seen each other in ages when they get together on the weekends!  It was the perfect amount of time for a birthday party (two hours), and I'm sure Damon appreciated the chance to watch a couple hours of football with peace and quiet.

Congratulations on a very successful mini-marathon, Larry!  My brother-in-law not only recorded a great time, but he also earned the #5 fundraiser title among all racers and fundraisers.  Very impressive!  Damon and I are both honored and touched by his efforts in the fight against childhood cancer, especially since he did everything in honor of Granty.

Sporting one of her "Tangled" dresses.

One Year Ago....

Exactly one year ago today our lives were forever changed....Granty's 4pm MRI produced a result neither Damon nor I ever fathomed - a massive brain tumor that required an immediate PICU experience.  We quickly went from being parents nervously playing Connect Four in the waiting room to devastated parents trying to comprehend the worst-case diagnosis we could have received.  I was in utter shock as my mind raced and the life felt like it had been sucked out of me.  September 27th is forever embedded in my mind, as I can relive each moment in vivid detail.

Damon and I were both down in the dumps on this solemn anniversary (I was bawling in the shower this morning), and against my better health judgement, I went into the office just to help take my mind off of things.  I heard the song "Home" on the way to work, so I wasn't surprised when my boss told me I didn't look 100-percent (I think it was a combination of my bug + all of the makeup wiped off my face after the tearful drive).  These are going to be a rough few months....  However, tonight Alexa unknowingly lifted my spirits in a way that only Alexa can.

Fridays are show-and-tell days at school, so Alexa was eager to bring the pinwheel she received from Nana Hovey while we were in Fresno. The weather is cooling off here (finally!), so I opened up the windows on the car ride home so the wind would spin the pinwheel.  As I pulled out of the parking lot, the song "Gone Gone Gone" came on the radio, much to Alexa's glee.  She was belting out the words and watching excitedly as her pinwheel spun like crazy in the wind.  "Look, Mommy!  I think Granty's helping to blow my 'spinwheel'!"  The combination of her singing and that simply sentence changed my mood entirely - Alexa hardly ever speaks of the crappy incidents that impacted our lives, but rather she superimposes the loving memories of her brother on the situations of today.  Sometimes it helps to put things in the perspective of a four year-old.

On a separate note, good luck to my brother-in-law Larry who is running the Brewers Mini-Marathon tomorrow (Saturday) to help fight children's cancer.  It's a pretty chilling coincidence that the race is being held on the exact one-year anniversary that I found out Grant's brain tumor was cancerous (during 7am rounds)...one of the very worst moments of my entire life.  I truly hope events and fundraising efforts like this one, for which Larry has already raised $875 [http://www.race-brewers.com/BrewersCampaign2013/RunForGrant], will help ensure other parents don't have to hear this same devastating news.  I know Granty will be looking down on his Uncle Larry tomorrow, rooting him on and helping him to push through the moments when the running isn't so much fun (usually around mile 11).  I wish I could be there in Milwaukee for the race, but I will be cheering for Larry from afar, keeping tabs on his 13.1 miles through the Internet.  Thank you for doing this in Grant's memory, Larry!

Always a St. Louis Cardinals fan....just like his Uncle Larry.

10-Months

Ten-months have now passed since Granty's death, and although the emotions are different than they were a few month ago, the sadness never goes away.  I cannot count the number of times I think about him during the day, and it's impossible not to see other babies and wonder "what if."  I'm sure we will have many of those moments with his baby sister, and I can guarantee Baby #3 will grow up learning about the legacy of her amazing big brother and the lasting impact he left upon so many people.  He will never be forgotten!

Tonight Alexa was playing make-believe with one of her stuffed giraffes, and it was very sweet to hear her pretending that Granty was the giraffe.  Her imagination instilled pretty magical powers on Granty - this giraffe could fly, eat two sweets a day (what a treat!) and played in the clouds.  She even brought Granty the giraffe to my side to help make me feel better.  :)

Unfortunately I don't know if it is the change in weather, a bug going around or my hectic pace, but today I was knocked out of commission by some flu-like symptoms: chills, fever, achiness...ugh.  During my 1pm conference call, I was sitting in my office with my heater turned on full-blast and still had chills up and down my body.  Needless to say, I headed home for some rest after the call and have been lounging around the house ever since.  Alexa has been very sweet and was on her best behavior, as I think she was enjoying the benefits of my sickness - she was able to watch an extra television show tonight.  I'm hoping it's a quick bout of illness or else I will be seeing the doctor tomorrow.

The legacy continues.....

Looking Back

September has been a tough month for me, as I have been thinking constantly about what was happening just one year ago.  Last September began with the quest to understand why Granty wasn't putting on the weight he should, culminating with that fateful MRI on September 27th.  In the span of less than two weeks, he had two visits with his pediatrician, an occupational therapy session, a swallowing study, an appointment with a pediatric gastroenterologist and another appointment with a pediatric neurologist.  We were so lucky to have such amazing medical resources available to us, and most importantly, a pediatrician who trusted my gut instinct when I felt that something was not right.  There's no doubt we did everything possible for Granty - a feeling that continues to provide me bit of solace one year later.

Yesterday, the Sunday mass at the Armenian church in Yettem (outside of Visalia) included a special intention for the one-year anniversary of the passing of Damon's grandmother, who passed away last August.  As we drove to the church yesterday morning, I couldn't help but think about bringing Granty, strapped to me in the Baby Bjorn, to her funeral.  The priest mentioned Granty in the memorial, and just hearing "Grant Vartkes Hovannisian" brought me to tears.  Alexa saw I was upset (something I tried in vain to hide from her), and she sweetly tried to wipe the tears off my face and stroked the back of my hair.  Thankfully, my sister-in-law Gia saw what a mess I was, and she quickly shifted seats and Alexa became distracted by her cousin Luke.  What a month of raw emotions!

After the emotionally draining day yesterday, Damon and I went to the cemetery this morning to pay tribute to our little boy.  His headstone is not yet complete, as a lot of the etching is done by hand, but it was still a surreal experience.  Nevertheless, his plot is clearly identified, and it was clear frequent visitors have ensured his site is well-maintained.  Damon and I laid some fresh flowers and said hello to our baby boy, knowing he's in a better place - no doctors' appointments, no chemo, no lifelong concerns about vision, brain function, etc....  As painful as it is for us, Damon and I both commented that we are relieved he did not endure a life of suffering.  The visit today was emotional but it provided some comfort in the ongoing grieving process.

Forever my baby boy.....

A Day of Birthdays

Today was a jam-packed day of birthday festivities for Alexa and myself, as we attended two birthday parties.  This morning, Alexa and her cousin Luke attended a four year-old's birthday party at her favorite birthday party spot - Pump It Up.  For 90 minutes, Alexa bounced, slid and hopped around on the inflatable slides and bounce houses....a kid's dream come true.  I was exhausted watching her, and after a late bedtime and early wake-up this morning, I figured she would be ready for a nap.  No such luck.  She and Luke continued to play until it was time to head to tonight's festivities - a birthday dinner for Nana Hovey at the Old Spaghetti Factory.

It was the perfect restaurant for a large party with three kids and two babies - it was nice and loud, and it didn't matter if a spoon or food hit the floor.  Perfect!  Alexa and Luke were both pretty worn out from their very long day, but they hung in there, and we had a really enjoyable dinner.  The promise of birthday cake after a meal has a pretty amazing effect - Alexa wanted to ensure her behavior didn't jeopardize her chance of having a slice of cake.  When it was finally time for dessert, Nana Hovey had a lot of help blowing out her candles, and the smile on her face was a clear indicator of how happy she was to have the whole family together.

In the fifteen-plus years I have known Damon, the two of us have never been to an Old Spaghetti Factory; in fact, I don't think I've ever heard him mention it.  However, today I found out this was one of Damon's favorite restaurants when he was younger.  Who knew?  On the way to dinner, he informed me the linguine with clam sauce was his favorite dish there, and I had to smile when Damon, his dad and both of Damon's siblings ordered the exact same entree for dinner.  I have a feeling we might need to find an Old Spaghetti Factory in Arizona so Damon can get his fix more frequently than once every fifteen years.... :)

Hanging with Cousin Luke at Pump It Up.

Happy Birthday, Nana Hovey!

A Visit with Meaning

Tomorrow evening Alexa and I head to Fresno for an activity-filled weekend, with one of the key events being the celebration of Nana Hovey's birthday.  It will be a good opportunity to visit with the family (and enjoy some Me-n-Ed's Pizza) and enjoy a long weekend.

Tonight has been dedicated to laundry and packing for our trip tomorrow.  Somehow, I always manage to postpone packing until the night before and curse myself each time.  You would think I would have learned my lesson after many travel-laden years.  Nevertheless, I always seem to get everything packed and haven't missed a flight yet!

This will be my first trip to Fresno since December - Granty's funeral.  I realized tonight that trips to Fresno will forever have a different meaning and a gravity that did not previously exist.  Fresno is the site of Grant's burial, so it's also my chance to visit my little boy.  I cannot tell you how many thoughts and "conversations" I have daily with Granty, but there is a special symbolism about being able to visit the place where he is laid to rest.

There's no doubt the trip to the cemetery will be an emotional one, but I am looking forward to having the chance to be close to my Granty once again.