Very Heavy Hearts

This has been a very emotional few weeks for our family, and unfortunately we have another rough week ahead as his second birthday approaches.

Sunday marked eighteen months since Granty's passing....it's hard to believe.  I feel like it has been forever since I've had my little guy in my arms, but my memories of his nearly six-months of life are some of the most crystal-clear thoughts I have.  He continues to be on my mind constantly, and my mind undoubtedly wanders to Granty if I actually have moments of downtime.  I cannot count the number of weepy commutes I've had in the past eighteen months, as the time in the car is oftentimes some of the only downtime I have all day.

As this sad anniversary passes, it's also tough to know that his second birthday is fast-approaching next Tuesday.  Alexa has been excitedly planning Granty's birthday celebration this year, making sure that she will be able to blow out his candles for him.  Tonight she informed me that she thinks the Cardinals will hit a lot of home runs on Granty's birthday, so that we can help sick kids that day (she knows we enrolled in the Homers for Health program that donates to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital each time the Cardinals hit a home run).  I really don't know where I would be without Alexa - - she continues to put things in perspective in a way that I could never contrive.  She's turning what could be a very sad day into a celebration and perpetuation of Granty's legacy.  The past few years have made her a very old soul in a vivacious five year-old's body.

The sad reminders of Granty pale in comparison to some crushing news we've received about our friend Summer, who has been ferociously battling cancer.  She and her family have made the difficult (a major understatement) decision to cease treatments and make the most of life.  Summer is truly one of the most inspirational people I know, and I was lucky enough to establish a unique bond with her during our ordeals with Granty.  She always knew exactly when to send the perfect text message, care package, e-mail, etc... to check in on Granty and us.  Her constant positive attitude, coupled with a great sense of humor, despite some terrible circumstances served as a model that I have tried to emulate.  The personalized giraffe blankie, a gift from Summer and her family, was one of the key items that kick-started the giraffe trend for Granty.  I will never forget the PCH doctor's comments that it was very unusual to see an infant so young attached to something like Grant was to that giraffe blankie.  The blankie was a source of comfort for Grant, but it evolved into a source of comfort for all of us.  It was perfectly fitting that Granty would become attached to a gift from Summer....two ferocious fighters.

Please keep Summer and her family in your prayers, as I know we all continue to hope and pray for a miracle.

Checking out his beloved giraffe blankie....

Lounging Poolside

The teachers of the Infant Classroom are always amazed at the amount of sleep Ani gets during the day...I think she must be resting up for the weekend, because I have never encountered a sleepy Ani on the weekends - - she's a party girl!  She took a nap from 8-9:30 am and fell asleep for about an hour as we ran some errands after swimming today, but those brief naps were all the rest she needed until bedtime at 8pm.  I'm not complaining, as she kept her normal happy disposition throughout the day, but I thought Alexa was going to get an ulcer worrying that Ani's lack of nap could cost her an afternoon of swimming.

Fear not, Alexa.  I did a little rearranging of the patio umbrella and created a shaded area, and I brought Ani outside in the monkey seat to enjoy an afternoon poolside.  She's still too you for sunscreen, but I did change her into a bathing suit - a hot pink bikini (a little big, of course) - since she was lounging by the pool.  She sat happily in the bouncer, watching Alexa and I splash around in the pool and chewing on Sophie the Giraffe.  After about 90 minutes, she started to get a little fussy, but it was perfect timing, as the sky had become overcast.  It was time for Ani to join us in the pool!

I took off her cover-up and hat and brought her into the pool, not sure what reaction to expect.  She looked a little startled at first, but once she saw Alexa laughing with glee, Ani burst into a big grin and started kicking her feet.  She absolutely loved it as I held her and let her 'swim' around the water for awhile.  I could not believe how comfortable she seemed, kicking her legs and moving her arms; she didn't even flinch when her face skimmed the water.  Unfortunately the sun reemerged so Ani's swim was cut short, but I think swim lessons for Ani are on my to-do list.

As much fun as we had in the pool today, it was slightly bittersweet to see Ani swim for the first time.  Swimming was one thing that I was sure Granty would love, but the broviac port in his chest prevented him from ever experiencing it.  I'm hoping he will continue to impart his love of water upon his little sister and ensure we never have hellacious swim lessons like we experienced with Alexa...I definitely don't want to endure that again :)

Enjoying a nice swim on a beautiful Saturday afternoon!

Dance Party

Aside from a residual cough (she sounds like a baby smoker) and nasal congestion, Ani is on the mend.  Her happy disposition returned pretty quickly so that was a very welcome change.  I expect that everything will be back to normal by the weekend....a much-anticipated long weekend for me!

Over the past few days, we have begun a new trend at the Hovey house - a nightly dance party!  I had grown very tired of hearing the Frozen ballad "Let It Go" and was desperate to hear some non-Frozen songs.  The inspiration came as Alexa and I were driving, and the Kris Kross song "Jump" was playing on the XM 90's on 9 station.  I started to laugh and told Alexa that the song was popular when I was in 8th grade and high school, and I told her how people would jump around whenever the song was played at school dances.  Of course, I had to pull up the video on YouTube when we returned home, and as Alexa tried to mimic the dancers in the video, the dance party was born.

I promised Alexa that I would find one song a night to use for our dance party, preferably something that was popular when I was young.  She's definitely entertained by the now dated songs of Vanilla Ice, Kris Kross, etc...  I pulled out the MC Hammer a few nights ago, but she was less than impressed by "Can't Touch This."  However "Everybody Dance Now" by C+C Music Factory fit the bill of the musicality (or lack thereof) and humor Alexa's come to expect.  I'm going to have to go to the Billboard Charts from the late 80's and early 90's to continue to the trend of one song a night.  As embarrassing as it is for me, it is entertaining to watch Alexa have to much fun at my expense.

Even Ani partakes in the action, waving her arms excitedly when Alexa's jumping around the playroom.  If this trend is going to continue into Ani's youth, I think the cadence will have to switch to once every few weeks to make sure I can find a new song each time.  It's harder than I expected, especially since I have to pre-screen the lyrics of each song :)  Who knows?  Maybe everything old will become cool again, and Alexa will have a head-start on everyone.  Lol - Not likely; I don't see Vanilla Ice making a comeback.

The Dance Party Queen....
sporting crazy hair (sort of early 90's) for Spirit Week.

Not Feeling So Hot

Ani has been under the weather since Saturday, and the poor little girl has been miserable - -stuffy nose, congestion, coughing, gi issues...  I am not used to a fussy baby, and the past few days have made me even more grateful for the easy baby that she normally is.  Coincidentally we were at the pediatrician's office for her four-month check-up this morning, so the doctor was able to check her out to make sure nothing major was wrong.  She has a pretty severe virus that lasts about a week, and the first 2-3 days are the worst of it.  Here's hoping we have passed the worst part!

As miserable and fussy as Ani has been, Alexa has really upped her game to compensate; I really could not have asked for better behavior on her part.  Yesterday she was very disappointed that our afternoon of swimming was cut short by Ani's cries on the monitor, but she took it in stride.  She was helping me out however she could, trying to find Ani's favorite toys, getting me burp cloths, etc..  I'm not quite sure if she was feeling sorry for me or if she was bilking the situation to watch an extra television show or two.  Whatever the motive, it worked.  I'm on the hook for a lot of swimming this coming Memorial Day weekend, but her wonderful behavior more than compensates for a few hours in the pool.

I worked remotely today, staying home with Ani until we had to pick her up for afternoon gymnastics.  As we drove to gymnastics today, Alexa was tending to Ani, singing to her to make her feel better.  The two round band-aids on her thighs, the result of two immunizations, really evoked sympathy from Alexa.  She began making up a song specifically for her (I was just happy to hear something other than Frozen's "Let It Go"), and I honestly did not know whether to laugh or cry at the lyrics: "I'm sorry you are sick today, Ani.  You need shots and medicine to make you feel better so you don't get sick.  Granty died because he was sick, and I don't want you to die too."  As I type the words, I realize how much more sad they are than they sounded when being sung by an off-key Alexa.

As much as I hate to see Ani sick, in some ways it is actually a very good thing for Alexa.  Her prior experiences with a sick sibling obviously had the worst possible result, so it's encouraging for her to see that being sick does not always translate to death.  I am hoping that Alexa learns this lesson pretty quickly; I don't know how many more days of a fussy baby I can handle!

Clutching her soft Sophie the Giraffe as she napped....
being comforted by giraffes is a family trait. :)

Throwback to NJ

Yesterday a friend from my days at Volvo was in Phoenix for business, and thankfully we were able to get together for dinner last night before she flew back to New Jersey early today.  It was wonderful to see Linda, as she had truly been like family to Damon, Alexa and me during our East Coast stint.  Some of our fondest memories of NJ are centered around Rick and Linda, and I know Damon always appreciated the homemade Italian feasts that Linda prepared - - definitely not our usual Ragu.

It was the first time Linda had seen our family in three years, and, needless to say, a lot has happened in those three years.  Linda had been a part of Alexa's childhood from 2 months-old to just shy of 2 years-old, and she was understandably in shock over how much Alexa has grown since then.  The toddler who loved to play in her cat's bed (the cat despised Alexa) is now a spitfire five year-old!  Alexa wasted no time in warming back up to her, immediately asking, "Will you play with me?" as soon as we walked in the door.  Within a few minutes, Alexa and Linda were on their hands and knees, drawing masterpieces with chalk on the sportcourt.  Alexa put on quite the performance for Linda, employing everything from her "Oh, darling!" prim & proper lady routine to our Cirque de Hovey acrobatics.

Ani, being her normal happy and chatty self, had Linda's heart instantly.  I had to laugh when her first words were, "Oh my gosh.  You weren't kidding; she is a little peanut."  Don't let the pictures deceive you; the camera definitely adds a few pounds (or ounces).  I think it brought Linda back five years, as the physical similarities between Alexa and Ani are undeniable.  Even their personalities are very similar; Ani's a bit more laid-back but even more active than Alexa was as a baby.  Ani warmed up to Linda instantly and was very happy to be relaxing in her arms as the night wore on.  Ani was smiling and laughing the entire night until I put her in bed around 9:30 without so much as a peep.  She truly is a ridiculously easy baby!
 
While Damon and Alexa prepped the ice cream cake for dessert, Linda and I were chatting on the patio and our conversation turned to Granty.  I used to take advantage of the time difference between here and New Jersey to call Linda as I drove to and from the hospital very early in the morning; I have distinct memories of so many of our conversations.  After experiencing the lowest of lows with me, it was nice to be able to show her firsthand that we are doing okay and have found happiness again.  Linda even witnessed Alexa's steadfast love and dedication to Granty as they colored with chalk together.  Linda asked Alexa something about Ani, and Alexa proudly told her that she has both a little brother and a little sister.  Alexa's statement resonated with Linda, and I restated my belief that there was truly some incredible bond between a three year-old little girl and her very special baby brother.

My conversation with Linda about Granty was relatively short but pretty intense.  As I drove home from dropping off Linda at her hotel, which coincidentally was the same route to Phoenix Children's Hospital, my mind was entirely focused upon Granty.  I have come to realize my heart will always be heavy - the loss of a child is something from which you never fully recover.  However, I have quickly learned - thanks in large part to Alexa - to make the best of things and find new joys to celebrate....knowing nothing will ever replace Granty.  Last night reaffirmed that we have made the best of things, and I know Linda was thrilled to be here in-person to see me smile.

One added benefit of last night's visit was a renewed desire to go back to the East Coast that I loved so much....just for a visit.  The first thing Alexa asked when I picked her up from school was "When are we going to go to New Jersey and New York so I can see Linda and play in the cat bed like I did when I was a baby?"  I have a feeling Alexa will need a little more than a cat bed to keep her entertained, but I'm looking forward to a trip East, hopefully before the end of the year!  

Ready to make Ani a Jersey Girl (at least for a couple days!) :)

Roly Poly

I need to get used to having an infant in the house again...my parenting skills seem to have gotten a little rusty over the past few years.

The floors in our home are predominantly travertine and hard wood, not exactly kid-friendly, so when Ani has floor time, it's usually on her bedroom floor or on a foam mat in the family room.  On Sunday, Alexa wanted to help me shuck corn-on-the-cob, so I placed Ani stomach-down in the middle of the foam mat (it's pretty sizable) and worked with Alexa in the kitchen to have a perfect vantage point of Ani.  I made the mistake of taking my eyes off of Ani for probably 30-seconds, and I looked up to find her laying on her back on the travertine.  Oops.  Thankfully she was still her normal happy self, smiling at the ceiling and not even making a peep as she landed on the hard floor.

It's kind of a bittersweet phase right now, as I'm starting to encounter a lot of experiences that I haven't had since Alexa was a baby five years ago.  Right now, Ani is the same age that Granty was when we received the dreaded cancer diagnosis.  Granty rolled over very early; he had just turned two months-old when he rolled over for the first time.  Unfortunately, his floor time became much more limited after his hospitalization and subsequent insertion of an ng tube, as a wheeled metal pole became his constant companion.  As much as I love to see Ani roll around and explore everything she can, it is impossible not to reminisce and wish that Granty could have had those same experiences.

As I laid Ani in bed tonight, I said a little prayer to Granty, making sure he continues to take care of all of us.  In very Granty-esque fashion, Ani began flailing her leg wildly - Grant's signature characteristic - despite being in a pretty sound sleep.  Maybe Granty will be getting those experiences afterall....just through his little sis.

The little Roly Poly...she's always in motion!

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

I've been a slacker updating the blog since my business travels this past week; these were definitely business versus leisure trips, as I didn't make it out for a run until nearly 10:30 pm on Tuesday night.  A delayed flight home didn't help things, but I was happy to be home safely...just a little tired.  I think Alexa and Ani had a little pity for me today, as Ani woke up at 5am to eat, but I was able to get her (and Alexa) back to sleep by 6:30am and both girls slept until nearly 8am.  Happiness!

Alexa wholeheartedly embraced the concept of Mother's Day this year, and I cannot count the number of times she wished me a "Happy Mom's Day" this weekend.  She created quite the art gallery for me, her favorite project being the personalized book she made for me at school.  One of the pages in the book cited the reasons she loves me:
        1.)  I am cute.
        2.)  She loves cuddling with me.
        3.)  I am soft.  [Not sure how I feel about that one....it did motivate me to do some extra weights.]
As I was on the treadmill today (trying to make sure next year's book says I'm as hard as steel - lol), Alexa was acting as my personal concierge, making sure I had water, the remote and even cheering me on as I squeezed in a four-mile run.  Very sweet!

Mother's Day has become a day of mixed emotion for me; selfishly, I feel gypped that I will always celebrate the day "minus one".  However,  it does provide opportunity for me to be especially grateful for my two little girls while ensuring Granty is at the forefront of my thoughts.  I know he must have been on Alexa's mind too; when I asked her to take a Mother's Day picture with Ani tonight, she insisted that she hold a stuffed giraffe in the picture to "remind us of Granty."  There's no doubt I am a very lucky mom :)

My kiddos...including a memento of Granty.