Happy 17-Month Birthday!

Grant would have turned seventeen months-old today (the 3rd)....it's another sleepless night, so I'm actually updating this at 1:30 am on the 4th.

I cannot believe how quickly time has passed.  I think back to Alexa at that age, and it's hard to imagine my little guy running around like a wild man and getting into everything.  One of the things I'll always wonder is how Granty's personality would have evolved and developed has he grew older.  His personality was so big at just five months-old, I cannot imagine it dissipating over time.  I definitely would have my hands full with these two kiddos.

While I was collecting clothes from the hamper this afternoon, Alexa approached me with her arms open and asking for a hug.  Of course, I immediately dropped the clothes and crouched down to hug her.  Out of nowhere, she said, "Mommy, I really miss Granty."  I'm not sure what sparked the comment, as Damon and I had not mentioned him nor had she heard 'Gone Gone Gone' today, but this simple statement reiterated the reality to which we've all had to adjust over the past eleven months.  No matter what is happening, there is a constant void that never disappears; the sense of loss may vary in strength but never goes away.

Just like Alexa, we all miss Grant.  I wish he was here today so we could all see the toddler into which he would have evolved.  Happy 17-Month Birthday, Granty!

Always ready for a good time!

Tough Student

Whenever the Olympics or professional sports are on television, it's always interesting to see the stories of a parent acting as a child's coach....I can guarantee that will not be the situation for Alexa and myself.

Tonight Alexa, who is still in ballerina mode from Halloween, wanted to play dance school, and she asked me to be the instructor.  I was more than happy to oblige, as this is much more up my alley than playing 'Top Chef' with her.  I'm not a ballet expert by any means, but I do know the basics - including the five positions of ballet, so I thought that would be the perfect lesson as we played dance school.  My lessons lasted maybe five minutes before Alexa got frustrated, at both herself and me, and decided she did not want me to be her teacher anymore.  She was not too happy when I would correct her or re-position her feet when they were not pointing in the right direction.  After she ditched me as her dance teach, she pranced around the house and sashayed her hips to her own rhythm....definitely not ballet, but she was having a good time.

We've had similar experiences when I have tried to teach her gymnastics and basic academic lessons, so I wasn't too surprised.  I think she's too much like me in many aspects - she's a total perfectionist.  Poor thing.  Of all of my traits to inherit... :)

Mommy's Ballet School was short-lived....I'll leave her instruction to the pros.

A Pink Ballerina

Happy Halloween!

Since illness kept Alexa from participating in Halloween festivities last year, she was extremely excited to celebrate the holiday this year.  She had been plotting her costume for at least two months!  This year's costume request was a lot simpler than last year - - a pink ballerina outfit is a lot easier to find than a purple mermaid.  NeNe had the year off from making Alexa's costume, as I was able to buy the ensemble from online dance supply stores.  I wouldn't let her wear the tutu before Halloween, so she'd been waiting patiently for several weeks while the tutu hung in her closet.  The anticipation finally ended today, and she began dancing and prancing around the house as soon as she put on the tutu.

Alexa's excitement only grew when we met up with BFF Gabriella to go trick-or-treating....candy and reuniting with her BFF - it doesn't get much better than that!  We met up with Gabriella and her family (Damon was working and was disappointed that he missed the festivities - - especially when he found out Gabriella's dad was there!) in a very kid-friendly neighborhood that was perfect for an efficient night of trick-or-treating.  It was a ton of fun to watch the two girls together and catch-up with friends as we made our way around the neighborhood.  We trick-or-treated for an hour or so, but I knew Alexa had amassed a significant stash when she asked me to carry her bag because it was too heavy.

The one-sweet-a-day rule is going to be a challenge to enforce...she made quite the haul tonight (I was excited to snag a full-size Twix for myself!).  If she adheres to the rule, I think the candy will last her until February...

The prima ballerina...
I'm sure the request for dance classes will be coming soon.

It wouldn't be Halloween without our little Superman!

A Brief Hiatus

Whew!  Three late nights (relatively speaking when compared to my normal 10-11pm bedtime) in St. Louis were not too conducive to updating the blog.  Although we wish the outcome of two of the three games had been a little different, we had a wonderful time in St. Louis!  This was an extremely quick trip - I could have used an extra week to there.  It will always be my hometown, and I love visiting there.

Aside from the Cardinals games, Damon and I were able to eek out a few shopping trips (for Damon's Cardinal apparel collection - it's a bummer being pregnant when it comes to clothes shopping), visit with friends (albeit too briefly) and Damon even met our niece Alana for the first time.  We packed a lot of activities within the 2.5 days we were there....

Alexa didn't go to the baseball games with us, but she had a great visit and were it not for Alstott, I don't think she would have been too eager to return home today.  One of the highlights of the trip for Alexa didn't even involve Damon or myself.  My friend Molly knew I was working remotely Monday and had a lot of conference calls in the morning, so she graciously offered to take Alexa to The Magic House (St. Louis Children's Museum) for a members-only morning at there.  I showed Alexa some pictures from the website, and she was beyond excited to go with Molly and her sons Patrick (4) and Charlie (2)...there was zero separation anxiety when Damon dropped Alexa off.  Alexa and Patrick hit it off well, and from the reports I heard, they visited as many exhibits as they possibly could during the time they were there - giant bubbles, a play grocery store, sand table, static electricity display....  I was bummed to have missed it!  The Magic House is a must-do on our next visit to St. Louis!  To top things off, Alexa got to play in piles of leaves when they returned to Molly's house - heaven for a girl growing up in the desert with no leaves.

The cliche "There's no place like home" does hold true....I'm already looking forward to the next visit (probably Spring)!

Enjoying herself in the play construction site at The Magic House.
(In addition to being an amazing friend, Molly's also a phenomenal photographer!)

Eleven Months

Another 25th of the month....another dreaded anniversary.  It's hard to believe it has been eleven months since Granty passed away.

Last night was another sleepless night for me - - the past few months have not been the most restful.  I find myself waking up in the middle of the night (dang pregnancy bladder), and I cannot get back to sleep - my mind races with thoughts of Granty and the experiences of a year ago.  In so many ways it is still a surreal experience; it's difficult to grasp what happened to our lives in the course of just a few months.  My little guy is always at the forefront of my mind....something I don't see changing anytime soon.

When Damon and I last went to the World Series, I was in the first trimester of my pregnancy with Granty.  In a rather appropriate coincidence, Game 4 of the World Series will include a Stand Up to Cancer tribute with placards honoring loved ones who have battled cancer - - I have a feeling there will be a few "Grant Hovannisian" placards in Busch Stadium on Sunday night.  :)

I wish he coming to the World Series with us again...
(kids under 3 are free at Busch!)

The Sparkly Armenian

Tomorrow is International Day at Alexa's school, so each child wears an outfit that represents their culture and also brings a food dish from their culture to share with the class.  Rather than try to encompass Alexa's Dutch-Swiss-German (me) and Armenian (Damon) roots, we always go with the highest mix and her 50-percent Armenian roots.  Who better to represent Armenian than a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes?!?

Alexa is excited to bring Armenian string cheese as the cultural food, but the outfit has been a completely different story.  She has two Armenian flag t-shirts, but she absolutely despises them and refuses to wear them - - they don't meet her criteria of "pretty."  I didn't want a battle tomorrow morning, so this morning I negotiated a deal that I would add sparkles to one of her Armenian shirts if she promised to wear it for International Day.  Deal!  So between conference calls today, I found myself at Michael's buying iron-on rhinestones in red, blue and orange.  The project was not nearly as easy as I had hoped - it's a pain in the neck to line up those rhinestones! - and took up a lot more post-conference call evening than I anticipated.  Poor Alexa could barely keep her eyes open, but I managed to finish the project before she fell asleep.  She knows me too well; as I was trying to line up the rhinestones, she saw me getting frustrated and let me know, "it's okay if it's not perfect, Mommy."  It's definitely not perfect, but it did garner Alexa's stamp of approval...whew!

There's no doubt that Alexa will be representing the Armenian culture.....only an Armenian girl would request a be-dazzled flag t-shirt!

The Before.....

...and the After.
It passed Alexa's sparkle test and met the criteria of being "pretty."

Unexpected Sentiment

Game 1 didn't turn out as I had been hoping, but let's hope the Cardinals worked out their nerves and kinks tonight.  Today was a rough day all-around (the game was just the icing on the cake), as it was one of those days where I missed Granty more than ever.

I was on the treadmill tonight and found myself staring at the poster-sized picture of Granty that hangs nearby; his absence hit me like a ton of bricks.  The picture [the one of Granty in his monkey bouncer wearing his Cardinals bib and onesie] has always been one of my favorites - it captures the sparkle in his eye and joyous spirit.  Granty had such a vivacious personality, and I miss those grins he used to shoot my direction every time he heard my voice or saw me enter the room.  Even though nearly eleven months have passed, I continue to miss my boy each and every day....there's a void in my heart that will never be filled.  I'd give anything to have my baby boy back.

As I began packing for our upcoming trip, I pulled a laundry basket from my closet that held a lot of my "winter" (per Arizona standards) clothes.  Buried in the bottom of the basket, I found one of Granty's onesies and couldn't hold back my tears, triggering a chain reaction from Damon.  The onesie was an emergency purchase from a day that Damon had taken Grant to the restaurant with him and forgotten to pack a spare outfit in the diaper bag.  Thank goodness he works near Fashion Square, because a hostess was able to run to BabyGap and pick up a newborn-size onesie (he was probably eight-weeks old).  As I pulled the onesie out of the basket, it was dual reminder of how tiny our little guy was and also the vivid memories we have of so many moments of his life.  Who knew a Gap onesie could trigger such sentiment?

Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day...for the Cardinals too!

Sporting the Gap onesie I found in the laundry basket....
There's no denying the love between these two kiddos!