Happy 7th Birthday, Granty!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GRANTY!

It’s hard to believe that Grant would be seven years-old today.  In my mind, I constantly run through various ‘what-if’ scenarios, and one common denominator in each scenario is a vivacious and gregarious little boy.  Although the void associated with the loss of Grant continues to be absolutely gutting, I continue to find solace in the perpetual evidence of the impact of his life.  I cannot ever understand why this happened, but I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason.  Grant’s life undoubtedly made me a better person and improved my life in ways I never imagined.

I see the impact that Grant has upon the personalities and characters within Alexa and Ani.  Alexa is a strong-willed and determined girl – a lot like myself, but she possesses a sense of compassion and empathy that I would love to have in myself.  I am sure the latter traits were developed during the time she spent with Grant, as she had to learn at a very young age about the implications of a sick sibling and the extra care that was required.  Even at the age of three years-old, I distinctly recall that Alexa NEVER complained about the attention Grant received; she understood and ensured that she too provided him extra attention and care.  Through photos and videos, Alexa is able to ‘remember’ Granty, and I’m sure she will continue to share these memories for the rest of her life.  She’s already decided one day her future son will have the name Grant – likely as a middle name – in honor of her beloved baby brother.  It’s nice to know his legacy may continue for generations.

Although Ani never met Grant – a fact that she finds very frustrating at times – she holds him in the same high regard as Alexa.  Ani has an energy level that is unsurpassed and has a no-nonsense firecracker personality.  Grant too had amazing energy – his legs were always moving, something that the oncologist confirmed was ‘just him’ and not a result of the tumor – that would be most certainly give Ani a run for her money.  Ani’s a tough, little fighter, and she seems to take challenges in stride.  She’s undergone countless tests to ensure there’s not an underlying issue for her small stature, yet she doesn’t complain and actually seems looks forward to her appointments at Phoenix Children’s Hospital.  She has no idea how much her positive attitude helps me, especially when we’ve made trips to a few of the departments like Radiology for which I have not so pleasant memories etched in my mind.

I also have some wonderful friends and family who continue to provide me love, support and wonderful remembrances of Grant.  This past weekend I had the amazing experience to participate in a six-person 82-mile relay comprised of two sisters – Karen and Terri – and three amazing girlfriends – Molly, Kathryn and Sara.  Molly knows Grant’s birthday, and she took the initiative to name our team ‘Grant’s Warriors’ in his honor.  It was extra motivation for me to do well during my legs of the relay, and I was overcome with emotion when Kathryn suggested we raise our water bottles in a toast for his seventh birthday after we completed the relay.  I could not have asked for a more meaningful day and better experience than the one I had with my sisters and girlfriends.  I am very lucky.

Ani’s version of heaven is comprised of Granty, Alstott and Mr. Bill (our wonderful neighbor who passed away late last year).  In that perspective, Grant is in a really good place…..

Our birthday tradition - a black & white Sprinkles cupcake -
was a little sweeter this year with the Blues' Game 4 win!

I could not ask for better sisters and friends - Grant's Warriors!
(Karen, Terri, myself, Kathryn, Sara, Molly)

Once Every Few Years

If someone were to ask me what I would love to do with two hours of free time, watching a movie would never be on that list.  I don't even watch movies during the 10+ hour transatlantic flights to Germany, as I normally work and/or binge-watch downloaded television shows on Netflix to pass the time.  I'm playfully known as 'The Never Seen It Girl" among friends and colleagues - meaning if people mention a movie, there's a 99-percent chance I've never seen it - and I take no shame in that title.  I would much rather run, hike or do something active than sit in a seat for two hours without any possibility of multitasking.

This weekend, I promised the girls I would take them to the movies, something I hadn't done since 'Sing' was released in the theaters two years ago.  So, after a busy Saturday of gymnastics, grocery shopping and a friend's soccer game, Ani, Alexa and I headed to the movie theater to check out 'The Grinch' that afternoon.  I think the girls could not believe it was actually happening - Mommy at the movies! - and both were going out of their way to make sure everything was perfect for this momentous occasion.  Ani asked several times if I knew my way to the movie theater, and Alexa was giving me the low-down on the various theaters in the area.  I struck down her personal favorite, the Studio Grill, and she didn't even bother to complain, as she knew what a feat it was just to get me to the theater.

Alexa took obvious pride in walking me through the process, so much so that I couldn't bear to detract by advising her that I actually did know how the movie theater process worked.  There's no doubt who's going to take care of me in my old age....  Alexa grabbed my hand and walked me through the entire process, personally escorting me to the ticket window and then showing me how to find theater #2.  She made sure to pick the seats, letting me know our necks would hurt if we sat too close.  Several times during the show, she leaned over to ask me if I was having a good time....I think she felt a lot of pressure to make sure I had fun. :)  I assured her I was having a great time (I really was) and was enjoying the show.  However, in my normal fashion, I was checking my watch, especially towards the end, and I popped up to stand as soon as the credits began to roll...1:40 was more than enough time sitting and doing nothing.

Every two years seems like the perfect cadence to me, as it maintains the novelty of the event.  The girls may have other ideas - especially when Toy Story 4 is released - for which I might have to break my cycle.  Maybe at that time Alexa will trust that I know how to buy the tickets, and Ani won't have to worry about my navigation to the theater....

The girls insisted on a selfie to document proof that I was in an actual movie theater!  Woohoo!

Change for a Twenty?

It's that time of year again, with all of the Christmas whimsy and fantasy.  These are not normally words associated with myself, as my logic and desire for explanations override any interest in magic and fantasy.  The past few days have put this lack of fantasy on full display....

Alexa had been driving me nuts for over a week, as she had a loose tooth that she'd been wiggling incessantly.  By Sunday night, she made a lot of progress moving it, but she never quite seems to have the gumption to get the tooth out by herself.  I decided to take matters into my own hands, so I donned a latex glove and within a few tugs and pushes, the little tooth was in my hand.  Since Alexa is nearly ten years-old, the Tooth Fairy is a character of the past, but nevertheless, Alexa wanted to put the tooth under her pillow and let the 'Tooth Fairy' take it.  I should have contemplated the Tooth Fairy thing before I insisted on pulling the tooth, as I realized at 10pm that I only had $20 bills in my wallet.  Craps.  Alexa is way too old to think a quarter is cool or that she can buy a lot with $1, so I proceeded to dig through every drawer, wallet and coat pocket in hopes of finding a $5 bill.  No luck.  Eesh.  There was no way I was going to leave two sleeping girls to run to the grocery store for cash back, but the Tooth Fairy is way too classy to leave a Post-It with "Change for a $20?" or "IOU" scrawled on it.  After going through my wallet one last time, I stumbled upon a Target giftcard from a 'giftcard with purchase' promo.  Perfect!  However, I realized I could not see how much was on the giftcard without scratching off the validation code, and again, the Tooth Fairy is way to classy to leave an obviously used gift card.  So, Alexa awoke the next morning and was happy to see the giftcard.  She immediately noted that there was no amount noted, so she asked me how much it was worth.  I could only tell her, "Most likely $5, but maybe $10....you'll have to see."  Yep - I'm definitely not cut out for these make-believe roles.

Alexa also had begged me to ensure the return of the infamous 'Elf on the Shelf' versus my last year's decision to skip the Elf and go with a more practical Lego Friends Advent calendar.  I thought the idea of building a Lego winter scene over the course of the month was pretty cool, but apparently it pales in comparison to a rather peculiar looking Elf doing who knows what.  So, Alexa's persistence won me over, and the Elf made its return on Sunday.  Yay (sarcasm) ;)

However, I am having a little hope for my beloved Ani girl, as it seems the apple may not have fallen too far from the tree.  As my mom loves to recall, I figured out the Santa thing in Kindergarten and forced her to confess to everything.  My logic was alive and well at five years-old, and I am happy to report the same seems to apply to Ani.  She is not a fan of the Elf, and honestly has no interest in finding him each morning.  While Alexa excitedly shows her the Elf each day, Ani simply responds with an "Umph..."  She's said (or screamed, depending on her mood and how early it is in the morning) on multiple occasions, "You are the Elf" and insisted "The Elf isn't real!"  I will not be too devastated if she does not buy into the Santa fairy tale, but unfortunately it seems that I'll be having to maintain the charade to appease Alexa until she's in high school.

Finally!  Another baby tooth gone....

Six Years Later

The Thanksgiving holiday was a wonderful one for the girls and myself.  We had a great time in both Milwaukee and Chicago, and all of us enjoyed spending time with my siblings and their families.  It was a very painful morning for the girls – not simply due to the 6:15am wake-up – but also the fact that they had to return to normal and leave the fun of proximity to family behind.  I think a trip back to the Upper Midwest in summer will be on our agenda….

Compared to the sub-zero temperatures of last year’s visit, the weather was cold but a marked improvement.  Between ‘Just Dance’ games with their cousins in Milwaukee and some amazing food, the kids were able to enjoy some time outside, and Alexa especially loved walking the Holzen’s boxer Cassius.  Alexa fell in love with their dog, I was expecting her to derive a plan to market him as an emotional support dog so she could bring him back to Arizona.  The weather also boded reasonably well for checking out a German Christmas Market, Downtown Chicago and ZooLights at the Lincoln Park Zoo during the Chicago portion of our trip.  The relationships my girls have with their cousins is great to see, and of course, my time with my siblings and their spouses is one that is way too few and far between for me.  The girls and I are so lucky to have wonderful family that’s only a 3+ hour plane ride away.

Despite the great time of the weekend, the gravity of today still hits me hard.  It is hard to believe it has been six-years to the day that Granty passed.  Both girls continue to talk about their brother – Ani is mad she never met him – and cherish his spirit.  Alexa’s love for giraffes and the special meaning behind them is something that will never wane, and she knows anything with a giraffe is a likely “yes” if she asks me to buy it J.  There has been and always will be a piece of my heart missing, but I take solace in the legacy that Granty has left, knowing especially that Alexa will ensure it continues.

Enjoying out time together in the city....

Our amazing hosts for the holiday events.

I still think about the turkey drama that these two helped

to resolve (the grocery store not having my order for a fresh turkey)

during the Thanksgiving at PCH with Granty. 

Wonderful memories despite the circumstances....

A Welcome Delay

Although my work-related travel can become tedious and exhausting at times, there’s no doubt that I enjoy the benefits that are afforded by the frequent travel.  Our Thanksgiving trip to Milwaukee is the perfect example….

I knew I was pushing my luck when I booked a flight leaving PHX around 7:30pm, not arriving in MKE until close to midnight.  While party girl Ani has no trouble staying up late, the routine and structure that’s embedded in Alexa makes this a lot more challenging; 10pm is really an extreme for her…  Much to my dismay, I checked the flight status in the morning, and the flight was already delayed 2.5 hours, not scheduled to arrive in MKE until 2:20am.  Oh dear – this would create a chain-reaction event of poor sleep that would have ramifications for the entire weekend.  

I decided to take a chance and call Southwest to assess my opportunities to rebook, not expecting there would be too many options since the flight was merely delayed instead of cancelled.  Well, thanks for my A-List Preferred status, the agent rebooked us on the first direct flight in the morning – a 7:45am departure, at no charge.  Despite the early wake-up, seemed like a marked improvement versus the middle of the night option.  

This delay gave the girls and I the opportunity to have a fun and relaxed night – no gymnastics and I let Alexa miss ballet as planned.  So instead of hanging out in the airport waiting hours for a delayed flight, the girls and I hit up the library, mall (had to get warm, fleece-lined leggings for Ani) and Nordstrom Café for dinner.  Both girls were sound asleep by 8:30pm in anticipation of the early morning wake-up starting around 4:45am for them.

Their enthusiasm for the flight this morning was palpable; both girls popped out of bed as soon as I told them it was time to wake up.  Both were so excited for this trip to Milwaukee and Chicago, and Ani gleefully shared her geography knowledge by proudly sharing that both cities are in North America. 

The airport this morning was a breeze, as the 7:30am flight time seemed to dodge some of the morning rush.  The biggest challenge of the morning was schlepping Ani’s car seat from the parking garage to the Southwest check-in.  Other than that, we encountered no lines nor waits for check-in nor security.  Since I know the airport well, I was able to map out our plan for breakfast and the less-busy Starbucks run near the international gates, just a few moving walkways from our gate.

Not a bad start to the day at all….we’ll see how I feel later tonight when the early wake-up comes full circle ;)

My seasoned travelers.....

A New Chapter

I honestly never expected to write another entry in this blog.  As I've learned many times in life, things don't always turn out the way you expect, and it was the subject of so many blog postings herself - Alexa - who asked me to resume the blog after she learned about its existence.  It is pretty remarkable to go back and see how well-documented several years of her life are.  This blog was the opportunity for me to stop, pause and make the most of each day.  Alexa read just a few postings and was hooked....she loves to hear NeNe (my mom) tell stories about her childhood, and I could see Alexa's eye light up as she realized she has stories - and pictures - of her own.

So much has changed since the last posting, but there's one thing that is still the same and underpins so much of what I do...the love I have for my girls.  Our dynamics continue to evolve, and I can say whole-heartedly that my relationship with each is stronger than it's ever been.  I am lucky, happy and blessed, and the girls and I feel the best is yet to come.

I had to laugh when I saw the blog posting from nearly three years ago, as the scenario from that day is still topical today.  Practically deja vu.  In preparation for our trip to Milwaukee and Chicago, I spent the weekend shopping for winter clothes for the girls.  Athleta for Alexa to take advantage of the 20% off sale, and nearly a half-dozen stores for Ani to try to find pants that fit her skinny, little body.  Ani asked me last week if I could buy her jeans with pockets, as the denim-like jeggings don't trick her like they did in the past.  I found one pair that may fit her - fingers crossed - and it's at the top of the try-on pile as soon as I see her again Tuesday.  Nothing like a last-minute rush to find clothes that fit on the same-day as our flight.

I am hopeful that I can resume the blog on a regular basis to meet Alexa's request.  I hadn't looked at the blog in years until I told Alexa about it, and it was fun (and a bit sad) to look back at some of the postings.  Alexa, Ani and I could not stop laughing after we resurrected this photo below...that face!  While I haven't seen that frightened look from Ani recently, Alexa still has that exact same expression when we play the 'Make Me Laugh' game.  Somethings never change.....

This picture - from Ani's newborn session - never ceases to entertain.  Alexa's tough girl face is priceless!

Nearly five years later....definitely more normal faces, but Alexa is still a protective older sister.

Sisters

With an arduous work travel schedule for the past few months, my weekends have been much less about relaxation and more so about trying to cram a week's worth of activity - laundry, grocery shopping, etc - into two days.  Despite the long weekend, this one has been just as busy as usual with family pictures scheduled for Sunday afternoon.  With my two sidekicks in tow, we headed out to Alexa's swim practice followed by an afternoon of errands.

I was on a quest to find a pair of jeans for Ani to wear in our family pictures.  At face value, this seems like it should be a relatively easy task, but not with this little peanut.  Ani is extremely tiny for her age, so trying to find jeans that fit proved to be an impossible task.  We tried Target, Carters, H&M and BabyGap, but even the 'Mini Skinny' jeans at BabyGap were way too big for our skinny mini.  Despite trying on a least 10 pair at BabyGap, Ani stayed in great spirits and thought it was a lot of fun to entice me to chase her in the large fitting room to try on the next pair.

Since Ani was still in a good mood, I couldn't resist the lure of a 20-percent off sale at Athleta and decided to push my luck and stop in a quick look.  Of course, I found a few things to try on but the large fitting room that would accommodate Ani's running stroller was occupied.  Alexa offered to hang out with Ani from the comfy lounge chair immediately outside my fitting room, and since they were within two feet of me, I figured it would work.  It was probably the best decision I made all day.

It was both comical and sweet to listen to the two girls as I hurriedly tried on my selections.  Alexa was a perfect doting big sister, looting the diaper bag for snacks (I think she ended up eating most of them) and speaking in silly voices to make Ani laugh.  I'm not sure everything Alexa was doing, but she had Ani giggling hysterically in her great baby laugh.  As I tried on my last hoodie, I could hear the employees commenting how wonderful it was to have that moment of levity in the day and admiring how sweet Alexa is in the big sister role.

When I made my way to the checkout, the cashier commented that the sight of my girls had made her day.  She said the love between my two girls was very obvious, and it made her want a sister (she was an only child) to have a relationship like that.  It was a very hectic day and afternoon, but a comment like that is another reminder of how lucky I am. :)

A little blurry, but my favorite image of the girls from a wedding last weekend.
There's no doubt they love each other.

Powerful Influence

In a house filled with every toy, Build-A-Bear animal and crafts a kid could ever want, it never fails to amaze me that the ones that get the most play, by far, are the herd of stuffed giraffes we have amassed over the past few years.  At least once a week, I find all of the giraffes together on the floor or rearranged on the shelves.  Both girls love playing with them, and Ani loves to make the 'munch munch' sound of the giraffe.

Reminders of Grant span well-beyond the stuffed giraffes scatted throughout the house.  On our way home from swim practice tonight, Alexa was asking me whether the Elf on the Shelf would be making its annual appearance soon.  Although the nightly placement of the Elf is kind of a pain, I always look forward to having a greater power than I....the threat of Santa...to help enforce some of the right behaviors.  I happily responded that it was Elf season, but quickly a much more pressing dilemma than good behavior struck Alexa; the seemingly androgynous nature of our Elf began to trouble her.  Our Elf wears a skirt (I think it even has pierced ears), but Alexa name him/her Granty when my friend Linda sent us it as a gift in 2012.  During the next five minutes of the drive, Alexa contemplating changing the name, using Grant as its last name - candidates included Katie Elizabeth Grant and Elizabeth Jewel Grant - but ultimately she decided she just couldn't abandon the name Granty.  She even rejected my proposal to change it to Grantie (I thought it may be more feminine), saying she needed to leave the Elf named after her brother...even if it is a girl elf.

Nothing makes me happier to know the memory of Grant will continue to live through Alexa.  She talks about Grant on a regular basis, tells people her brother is three and continues to remind me that I have three, not two, kids when people ask.  In fact, she's already narrowed down her dating and marriage pool substantially, as she has informed me on numerous occasions that the boy she will marry has to be named Grant.  I could see that likely changing, but if Alexa ever has a son of her own, I would be willing to bet he will be named in honor of her beloved baby brother.  The bond of these siblings, despite the brevity of their time together, is undeniable and an example for all of us.

Caught playing with the herd (Ani said the one laying down was going 'night night');
Even Alstott gets into the action.

Kisses all around!

Thankful

I stopped updating the blog last year – coincidentally on Ani’s six-month birthday – because I knew my work commitments at the time were going to make it a challenge to update the blog on a regular cadence.  However, as I have gone through the past year and a half, I realized that my blog updates were a therapeutic outlet for me.  The blog updates reminded me to appreciate everything I have in my life and also to recognize the impact and influence of my little guy upon it.  Yesterday, on the three year anniversary of Grant’s death, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I still need this outlet; I miss him so much.  I can't guarantee daily updates, but I will do my best to make frequent posts.

Thanksgiving is a very bittersweet holiday for me that is forever associated with the sadness of the 2012 celebration at Phoenix Children's Hospital.  I have been travelling a ton for work lately, so a low-key celebration in Scottsdale was the perfect way to spend the day.  Wildfish (Damon's restaurant) was open for the holiday, so it provided an ideal solution for our family dinner.  I was happy to abandon the idea of cooking since I returned from Tijuana around 10:30pm Wednesday night - not to mention cooking is not my forte whatsoever.

Thanksgiving dinner was exactly what I expected with my two girls - quick and messy, but a very enjoyable time.  Ani really liked the cranberry sauce, but by the end of dinner, it appears she was using them as an edible finger paint.  Since there's a Costco pumpkin pie in our refrigerator at home, Alexa selected a Godiva chocolate cake for our dessert...so much for tradition.  Needless to say, by the time we were ready to leave the restaurant, Ani was a mess of chocolate and cranberry and Alexa was practically licking her plate to enjoy every last bit of chocolate.  A good Thanksgiving dinner by all accounts.

I look forward to resuming the blog posts, a constant reminder of how truly fortunate I am.  There is not a day that goes by without a reminder of Grant and the influence he's had upon our lives.  His two spitfire sisters have the same tenacious spirit he demonstrated in his life, and I am sure he's proudly looking down upon all of us.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving @ Wildfish.

Sisterly love.
I captured this candid shot as the girls watched the Macy's parade this am...hand-in-hand :)

6-months already!?!

It's hard to believe it, but Ani celebrated her six-month birthday today.  Time has flown by!

Today was a bit more meaningful to us than six-month birthdays are to most people; hitting the six-month mark was a big deal!  Alexa is very excited for Ani to start crawling and doing all of the other fun stuff she has seen her friends' siblings do...it's finally her turn to experience it.

One of the major milestones with the six-month mark is the introduction of vegetables and fruit into her diet.  On Friday we introduced Ani to sweet potatoes, and in true Hovey form, she gobbled up the new "treat."  I think 50-percent ended up on her (she grabbed the spoon and attempted to feed herself) or Bumbo seat, but Alstott had no problem helping me clean up the mess.  We'll be starting avocados this coming weekend, and I am hopeful that she acquires a taste for them as quickly as she did with sweet potatoes.  Fingers crossed for a non-picky baby!

When I laid a smiling Ani in her crib tonight, I too had to smile and breathe a deep sigh of relief.  We made it!!!  Just like Alexa, I too am looking forward to the milestones she will achieve in the coming weeks, months and years.  I know her big brother is looking down and smiling with his signature grin :)

The sweet potatoes were a hit; I'm still trying to
remove the stains from her clothes!

Of course Alstott was hovering as she ate the sweet potatoes....
much to Ani's delight.  He's #1 in our house.

The Quest for Freebies

My blog update have become few and far between, largely attributed to little Ani.  The little peanut is wearing me out!  During the past week, she has been able to outlast Alexa in the energy department, a feat in and of itself, and she's definitely putting me to the test.  So much for cutting back on caffeine.....

Despite being a bit worn out from work and my crazy girls, we were able to enjoy a wonderful holiday weekend.  I took Friday off - unfortunately Damon worked - and Alexa, Ani and I went to a pool party at a friend's house.  There was a fireworks display not too far from our house, but Alexa wasn't too interested in going.  Rather, she happily fell asleep on the couch well-before the display was scheduled to begin.  I was a-ok with that, especially since I knew we had a busy Saturday in-store.

After swimming lessons on Saturday morning, the girls and I had some errands to run: Costco, some back-to-school shopping for Alexa (the quest for the perfect thin, no-show sock...don't ask) and a little grocery shopping.  Normally Alexa's not too enthused about errands that don't result in something fun for her, but not this time.  She's become a huge fan of grocery shopping and Costco for one simple reason...free samples.

Last Sunday evening, I had taken Ani and Alexa to Fry's (a local grocery store) to pick up the groceries for the week, and Alexa could not believe her good fortune.  Not only did she get to sample the deli meat and cheeses that I ordered, but a bakery employee gave her a full-sized chocolate chip cookie.  She was in heaven, even exclaiming "This is the best day ever!" to some very amused passersby.  Hmm...next year's birthday party could be a little different if it just takes a few free samples to make her happy ;)

Since the Fry's samples made her day, I knew the trip to Costco would be a whole new level of euphoria for her.  Sure enough, as soon as we entered the store, she was looking around like a hawk to find sample stands and see what kinds of samples people were eating.  I've never seen a kid so excited for a cup of water as Alexa was when we approached the Sparkletts display; the employee seemed ecstatic to have someone so enthused about what would normally be a D-grade sample.  The thrill of the samples only escalated from there - she sampled a scallop (I ended up eating that one), cake, ravioli, grapes, chips & dip, won tons, a taquito, juice and some sort of salad dressing.  Her quest for samples easily doubled the shopping time, but it was well-worth it to see her so happy, not to mention it provided a free snack to buy me some additional time for errands.

I have a feeling she's going to be requesting post-swim Costco runs on a more regular basis.  She's even requested that I bring her journal next time so that she can write down the names of the samples she tries.  I had to chuckle at that request, as I can't help but laugh picturing her walking around Costco with her notebook, writing the phonetic spelling of all the samples.

Maybe frequent Costco runs aren't such a bad idea; it does get pretty tough to think of new (indoor) summer activities in Arizona...

#1 Costco Fan...I'm sure Alstott would join her if he could.

Rated G

Note to self....read the movie list at school when the teacher asks you for your signature of approval.

When I picked Alexa up from aftercare on Friday, the teacher had "that look" on her face and pulled me aside to speak to me.  Uh oh.  I was worried that Alexa had misbehaved or had gotten into trouble, so I braced myself for bad news.  However, it turned out that Alexa did nothing wrong, but rather the teacher was apologizing for the movie selection that afternoon - "All Dogs Go To Heaven."  Alexa got a little emotional when the movie was introduced, saying, "I know someone in heaven - my baby brother, Granty."  Apparently the tears just began flowing, stopping only when the teacher assured her the movie was about a different heaven.  That explanation seemed to provide her some resolve, but the poor teacher felt terrible that the movie caused such emotional distress for Alexa.  I felt terrible that I probably could have prevented this mess had I just read the dang movie list.

Instances like this reiterate how difficult the grieving process has and will continue to be for each of us; this something with which we'll be dealing for the rest of our lives.  I remember the support staff at Phoenix Children's Hospital telling us that we will likely have to inform each of Alexa's teachers and coaches about Granty as she progresses through school.  It's hard to believe that time is already upon us.

Now that she's five years-old, she is eligible to participate in sibling support groups, so I will be contacting the Child Life department of Phoenix Children's to see what resources are available.  There's no doubt that Ani's age and associated activities have brought memories of Granty to the front of our minds.  I am acutely aware that Ani is the exact age that Granty was during his final hospital stint; there are moments when it's impossible to look at her and not flashback to the grueling moments of his final eight days.  Poor Ani's probably wondering why her mom is always teary-eyed when the two of us are having our alone time on weekend mornings.

Little does she realize that her six-month birthday is going to be a milestone in so many facets.  Not only will the comparisons to Granty begin to dissipate - she's been in his shadow for her whole life thus far - but it will be great for Alexa to experience the joys associated with a baby sibling.  The excitement is just beginning :)

Alexa asked to see this picture of herself reading to Granty;
she told me it's one of her favorites.  Mine too.

Mobility Begins

Poor Ani...I looked through the most recent blog posts, and the little peanut's hardly been mentioned.  She'll develop 2nd/3rd child syndrome if these trends continue :)  Although she has not received a lot of mention, she continues to be an amazing baby, maintaining her easy-going disposition (except if you take away her bottle) and quickly learning how to get people wrapped around her finger.

When I flew to St. Louis with the girls, I had strapped Ani to me in the Baby Bjorn, and she's reached the point where she can face-out (yeah...head control!).  It didn't take her long to figure out that she could elicit reactions if she made eye contact with people in the airport and smiled.  I've never had so many comments about my kiddos as I did that evening in the airport with Ani.  Our flight was delayed, so she took advantage of the passing time and made sure everyone waiting acknowledged her and her crooked little grin.  As passengers boarded the flight, she sat on my lap, smiling at everyone who walked down the aisle.  She seemed especially enamored with a twenty-something guy who kindly informed me that I will be in big trouble when she's a teenager.  Great....

Mobility is also becoming a huge factor for our tiny peanut, something we never really had to address with Granty.  I have to admit, it is odd to see a baby of her size nearly-crawling - Damon and I joke that she's like a chihuahua underfoot, all 10-1/2 pounds of her.  It's been a challenge for each of us to get used to Ani's scooting and rolling, no one more than Alexa.  She's been used to being an only child, one who's never had to worry about the small pieces that are associated with most of her toys.  That's definitely not the case anymore.

Alexa was playing with a Lego set and its hundreds of microscopic pieces off to the side of Ani's mat.  Even though Ani was several feet away, she locked in on Alexa and those Legos and wriggled across the floor in record time.  I was washing the dishes and saw the entire situation unfold, even humming the "Jaws" theme as Ani approached Alexa...poor Alexa scrambled to pick up her Legos as fast as she could.

If Ani can move this fast in the creep position, we are in big trouble when she's figured out the crawling position.  Alexa may need to revert to baby toys comprised of large pieces just to avoid the hassle!

Our future troublemaker.... :)

Summer On

I received a call from my brother early this morning, and as soon as I heard my phone ring shortly after 6am AZ time, I knew exactly what the news would be.  Summer, the inspirational friend who gave Granty his beloved giraffe lovie, passed away this morning after her hard-fought battle with cancer.  Over the past few days, Steve and my sister-in-law Carolyn had been keeping me abreast of the latest updates, and her final battle shared many parallels to Grant's.  As much as my heart aches for her family, I know the odd sense of peace they feel to know that Summer is in a better place.

Cancer may ravage a body, but it seems to have an opposite effect upon the human spirit.  I remember one of the infusion nurses who administered chemo to Granty saying that working with cancer patients was the most humbling and awe-inspiring work she ever did, as the "never quit" attitude of the patients is what motivated her to come to work each day and try to be a better person.  I can't think of anyone who embodied that attitude more than Summer.  "Keep Calm and Summer On" became her tagline, and she even inspired the declaration of June 6th as Pay It Forward Day in Bloomingdale, IL (http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20140607/news/140608782/).  These random acts of kindness are a befitting legacy for an amazing woman who affected so many people, myself included, with her genuine acts of kindness.

Tonight as Alexa and I sat down to dinner, she asked me how my friend Summer was doing.  Alexa knew my friend Summer was sick, but her question tonight was out of the blue.  Death is not a taboo topic with Alexa, so I told her that I was sad because Summer died this morning.  Alexa didn't skip a beat and said, "It's okay because she gets to be with Granty now.  I think they'll have fun together."  Once again, Alexa - a consummate optimist - continues to put things in perspective for me.

Even with the sadness I feel, it gives me a little more peace to know that Summer's up there with Granty now....kindred spirits who shared a zest for life and leave behind long-standing legacies.  And I'm sure Alexa's right - they probably are having fun together :)

Out of Routine

Wow....it's been way too long since I have updated the blog, but the past week has been one of the busiest in a long time.  Alexa, Ani and I flew out last Wednesday night, landing in St. Louis at 1am, and I don't think we slowed down until we returned home yesterday.   Damon joined us in St. Louis via a red-eye flight on Friday night, so the weekend was even more of a blur for him.  Thankfully we had a wonderful time in St. Louis, celebrating two milestone birthdays (my niece Alana's 1st birthday and my dad's 70th) and Father's Day, taking extended family pictures (the first ones in nearly 10-years!) and enjoying a few of the attractions St. Louis has to offer.

On Father's Day, Alexa and I took Damon to the Cardinals game and enjoyed a winning game.  My parents graciously agreed to watch Ani; I don’t think the 90-degree temperatures and sunny seats would have been too enjoyable for her.  Alexa, on the other hand, was extremely excited for the game – her first one at Busch Stadium.  However, I’m not sure if it was the game itself or the extra-curriculars that had her most excited.

For weeks, Damon and I had promised Alexa two things during her first ballgame at Busch Stadium:  cotton candy (she’s been begging me for months to try it) and the opportunity to build a Clydesdale at the stadium’s Build-A-Bear.  We didn’t even make it to our seats before Alexa saw the Build-A-Bear, despite Damon’s efforts to distract her, and made sure we fulfilled the promise.  She is now the proud owner of a pink and sequined St. Louis Cardinals t-shirt and tutu skirt-clad Clydesdale named NeNe Elizabeth, in honor of her beloved grandmother.    Leave it to Alexa to be-dazzle a Clydesdale!  The quest for cotton candy was slightly longer lived, as we were in our seats when the vendor passed us, but I don’t think the game had even begun.  Needless to say, I kept very close tabs on the enormous bag of sugar and rationed her portions like a hawk.  At the current pace, the bag will likely last nearly a week!

Despite the heat, Alexa hung in pretty well at the ballpark and watched the game pretty intently.  Much to her dismay, Yadier Molina was not in the line-up, but thankfully we had plenty of Yadi sightings when he would warm-up the pitchers between innings.  It also helped that the Cardinals were winning from the get-go, and the home runs and associated fireworks had her standing on her seat, enthusiastically cheering for the Cards.  She also loved the roving vendors, and I would quickly smack down her hand each time she tried to flag the beer vendor.  It was a truly memorable afternoon at the ballpark, including a moment that defines the daddy-daughter relationship she has with Damon.

During the top of the 4th inning, Alexa accompanied me to the Cardinal Team Store to see if I could find some cute Cardinals apparel for Ani (no luck).  While we were shopping, Alexa selected a few items that she asked me to buy for her, but I quickly shot down each request, suggesting that she bring her own money if she wanted to save up and buy something.  Later in the game, Damon headed off to browse the Team Store, and Alexa accompanied him, as I assumed that she wanted a break from the intense sun pounding our seats.  About 15 minutes later, I looked back to see Alexa and Damon coming down the aisle, and Alexa was sporting a brand-new Cardinals baseball cap, one that I distinctly recalled telling her I would not buy.  Apparently Damon doesn’t have the same hardened stance (note to self – tell Damon when I reject an Alexa request) that I do, and he happily caved to his daughter’s request.  I immediately called out Alexa’s antics when she returned to her seat, and she just gave me her devilish grin while Damon happily admitted his defeat.

I can foresee that Damon and I are in big trouble if he’s already powerless against the charming antics of Alexa….  Something tells me this hat at age five is going to convert to a BMW at age sixteen.  I consistently remind him that we now have two girls, and whatever he does for one, he’s going to have to do for the other.  Not to mention that I’m sure Ani will learn a few things from her older sister and create an even more compelling repertoire of ways to manipulate her dad.  I think we’d better enjoy these next couple of years before Ani’s mastered the art of manipulation; it will only go downhill from there!

Enjoying a Father's Day baseball game at Busch Stadium.

A Week of Milestones

I haven't been feeling good for a few days, so I took a bit of a hiatus from updating the blog.  The bed has definitely trumped the laptop at night.  Since we have an upcoming trip to St. Louis, I actually bit the bullet and went to the doctor today.  It looks like I have an ear infection coupled with a case of strep throat...lucky me.  Damon was battling strep throat a week ago, so I wasn't too surprised that I caught it.  The doctor was shocked to find out that this is my first time having strep throat; my 30+ year run has come to an end :)  Despite being under the weather, we've had our normal busy days at the Hovey house.

Poor Damon.  His birthday celebration was cut a little short on Thursday night, as I began to feel terrible that evening and went to bed the moment after he (actually Alexa) blew out his candles.  Thankfully we were able to celebrate earlier that evening with a birthday dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory; yes, we broke the fried chicken tradition this year.  It's always interesting to go to dinner with Damon; he cannot turn off the Restaurant Manager inside of him.  The food was good last night, but the service and bussing left a lot to be desired.  I had to laugh when Damon left his chair to find someone to refill his iced tea - he became "that guy."  I was impressed that he was able to overlook the lackluster service and enjoy himself; I guess linguine with clam sauce can help you overlook these things.  On the bright side, I think this Old Spaghetti Factory experience has set the bar pretty low for me to surpass for his birthday celebration next year - - the big 4-0 in Las Vegas!

Continuing our long week of birthdays, yesterday Ani celebrated her five-month birthday (Alexa was disappointed it wasn't a "real" birthday with cake and ice cream).  It's hard to believe she's already five-months old; this year has been flying by!  Like many things, it was a bittersweet day for Damon and myself.  Five-months was the last milestone that Granty was able to celebrate - a reminder of just how short life can be.  Now that Ani has reached the five-month mark, she is able to eat solid foods, beginning with simple rice cereal.  Alexa had been eagerly awaiting the day that she would be able to feed Ani with a spoon (Granty never had solids), and thankfully Ani did not disappoint.  She was a mess!  She had no problem eating the cereal, but she's already starting to take after me - - she tries to grab the spoon and feed herself.  Damon and I are in big trouble if she's trying to demonstrate her independence at five-months.

Although the week started out with a very sad celebration, it was nice to have some happy times during the rest of the week.  I've reached the point of birthday cake overload, but Alexa is already counting the days to her cousin's first birthday celebration this weekend.

6/5: Celebrating Damon's birthday with his traditional ice cream cake.

6/7: Very eager for Alexa to give her another spoonful of rice cereal.

And this is why she was only wearing a diaper for her feeding....:)

Running Buddy

After an emotionally draining day yesterday, I was exhausted when the alarm went off at 5am.  I fully intended to head out for a run this morning, but Ani has an uncanny ability to wake up at exactly the same time my alarm sounds.  Her punctuality is amazing, especially since the master bedroom is across the house so there's no way she hears my iPhone alarm.  Once I saw her goofy grin, I was more than happy to shelve the running shoes and feed Ani; this little girl has me wrapped around her finger.

When we came home from gymnastics tonight, Alexa was eager to watch her daily television show, so I planned to hop on the treadmill and eek out a run while Ani snoozed in the car seat.  Once again, she foiled my plan to run, as she woke up from her catnap the instant I began to program the treadmill.  I'm starting to think she has a sixth-sense....  It's becoming increasingly harder to get motivated to run late at night, so I decided to sit Ani in the Bumbo seat next to the treadmill to see how long she'd allow me to run.  I wasn't too optimistic that she would sit happily, expecting maybe enough time to squeeze in a mile or so.  I'm not sure if it was the murmur of the motor or rhythmic motion of my bright running shoes, but Ani was transfixed by the treadmill.  The lovie I'd given  her for entertainment was immediately dropped, and she was squawking and smiling at me as I embarked upon my run.  Miraculously I was able to run 3-miles before Alexa came into the room and was ready for dinner.  Not too shabby!

With Granty's picture in front of the treadmill and Ani grinning at me from the side, it was not hard to summon the motivation to run.  I think we have a future cheerleader on our hands...or at least my new personal trainer!

One cute cheerleader....a very biased opinion, of course!

Happy 2nd Birthday!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Granty!

It it crushing to me to have yet another year pass without having to plan a birthday party for my little guy.  As silly as it seems, I love spending an inordinate amount of time planning the kids' birthday parties - - it's a rare opportunity for me to tap into my creative juices.  It's a very hollow feeling to know that his birthday parties will always be represented by a simple Sprinkles cupcake and donation to Phoenix Children's Hospital...not the typical Hovey birthday festivities.

While at a birthday party last week, it was jarring for me to see three little boys whose birthdays fall within three-months of Granty's.  It was a harsh reminder that a two year-old isn't a baby anymore (as Grant is forever emblazoned in my mind), but rather is a full-blown little boy.  Seeing the little boys running around reminded me how much time has actually passed since we've had Grant with us.  Alexa constantly asks about Granty and what he's doing now, wanting to know if Granty has teeth and is walking and talking.  Honestly, I never have a good answer for her.  In my mind, I picture a little guy playing t-ball and loving to swim in the pool, but I am fully aware of what the reality of living with an aggressive brain tumor would have meant.  Alexa's version is usually a lot less grounded in reality and much more imaginative - she's even asked how he is able to keep his wings attached (he is an angel afterall). I am more than happy to let Granty exist however Alexa imagines him to be.

As I was getting ready in the bathroom this morning, I overheard Alexa talking to Damon about the things Granty used to do....from rolling around on the bed with his constant leg kick to pulling her hair to laughing hysterically at my silly noises.  She truly remembers her little brother, and I continue to hold onto that as a shining example of Grant's legacy.  My biggest fear has been that Alexa will forget about her baby brother and the memories of him will dissipate - she was only three years-old during his life.  However, she continues to show only the highest regard for her little brother and recalls his memory dotingly.

Tonight Alexa was thrilled to blow out Granty's candles, even requesting two rounds of 'Happy Birthday' since Granty turned two this year - of course, that also meant blowing out the candles twice.  The birthday 'celebration' this year felt more complete than last year, as the arrival of Ani has provided a significant boost to our family.  She has been a source of hope for all of us, and one look at her lop-sided grin is an instant sign of Granty's spirit in her. :)

Happy Birthday, Granty!

Making the most of another birthday celebration without our little guy...

A wish for our Granty.

Very Heavy Hearts

This has been a very emotional few weeks for our family, and unfortunately we have another rough week ahead as his second birthday approaches.

Sunday marked eighteen months since Granty's passing....it's hard to believe.  I feel like it has been forever since I've had my little guy in my arms, but my memories of his nearly six-months of life are some of the most crystal-clear thoughts I have.  He continues to be on my mind constantly, and my mind undoubtedly wanders to Granty if I actually have moments of downtime.  I cannot count the number of weepy commutes I've had in the past eighteen months, as the time in the car is oftentimes some of the only downtime I have all day.

As this sad anniversary passes, it's also tough to know that his second birthday is fast-approaching next Tuesday.  Alexa has been excitedly planning Granty's birthday celebration this year, making sure that she will be able to blow out his candles for him.  Tonight she informed me that she thinks the Cardinals will hit a lot of home runs on Granty's birthday, so that we can help sick kids that day (she knows we enrolled in the Homers for Health program that donates to Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital each time the Cardinals hit a home run).  I really don't know where I would be without Alexa - - she continues to put things in perspective in a way that I could never contrive.  She's turning what could be a very sad day into a celebration and perpetuation of Granty's legacy.  The past few years have made her a very old soul in a vivacious five year-old's body.

The sad reminders of Granty pale in comparison to some crushing news we've received about our friend Summer, who has been ferociously battling cancer.  She and her family have made the difficult (a major understatement) decision to cease treatments and make the most of life.  Summer is truly one of the most inspirational people I know, and I was lucky enough to establish a unique bond with her during our ordeals with Granty.  She always knew exactly when to send the perfect text message, care package, e-mail, etc... to check in on Granty and us.  Her constant positive attitude, coupled with a great sense of humor, despite some terrible circumstances served as a model that I have tried to emulate.  The personalized giraffe blankie, a gift from Summer and her family, was one of the key items that kick-started the giraffe trend for Granty.  I will never forget the PCH doctor's comments that it was very unusual to see an infant so young attached to something like Grant was to that giraffe blankie.  The blankie was a source of comfort for Grant, but it evolved into a source of comfort for all of us.  It was perfectly fitting that Granty would become attached to a gift from Summer....two ferocious fighters.

Please keep Summer and her family in your prayers, as I know we all continue to hope and pray for a miracle.

Checking out his beloved giraffe blankie....

Lounging Poolside

The teachers of the Infant Classroom are always amazed at the amount of sleep Ani gets during the day...I think she must be resting up for the weekend, because I have never encountered a sleepy Ani on the weekends - - she's a party girl!  She took a nap from 8-9:30 am and fell asleep for about an hour as we ran some errands after swimming today, but those brief naps were all the rest she needed until bedtime at 8pm.  I'm not complaining, as she kept her normal happy disposition throughout the day, but I thought Alexa was going to get an ulcer worrying that Ani's lack of nap could cost her an afternoon of swimming.

Fear not, Alexa.  I did a little rearranging of the patio umbrella and created a shaded area, and I brought Ani outside in the monkey seat to enjoy an afternoon poolside.  She's still too you for sunscreen, but I did change her into a bathing suit - a hot pink bikini (a little big, of course) - since she was lounging by the pool.  She sat happily in the bouncer, watching Alexa and I splash around in the pool and chewing on Sophie the Giraffe.  After about 90 minutes, she started to get a little fussy, but it was perfect timing, as the sky had become overcast.  It was time for Ani to join us in the pool!

I took off her cover-up and hat and brought her into the pool, not sure what reaction to expect.  She looked a little startled at first, but once she saw Alexa laughing with glee, Ani burst into a big grin and started kicking her feet.  She absolutely loved it as I held her and let her 'swim' around the water for awhile.  I could not believe how comfortable she seemed, kicking her legs and moving her arms; she didn't even flinch when her face skimmed the water.  Unfortunately the sun reemerged so Ani's swim was cut short, but I think swim lessons for Ani are on my to-do list.

As much fun as we had in the pool today, it was slightly bittersweet to see Ani swim for the first time.  Swimming was one thing that I was sure Granty would love, but the broviac port in his chest prevented him from ever experiencing it.  I'm hoping he will continue to impart his love of water upon his little sister and ensure we never have hellacious swim lessons like we experienced with Alexa...I definitely don't want to endure that again :)

Enjoying a nice swim on a beautiful Saturday afternoon!