At A Loss

I cannot fathom that I'm even writing this, and I do not know how to capture my thoughts or emotions right now.  Unfortunately Grant's tumor has gotten the best of him, and there is nothing medically that can be done to cure nor treat his condition.  The high heart rate has been attributed to bleeding in the tumor - something that was discovered in the MRI conducted this morning.  The Chief of Oncology, who has been with us from day one of the discovery of the tumor, has advised Damon and I that the prognosis is grave.  The size of the tumor, its location, etc... is just too great to overcome.  Collectively Damon and I made the excruciating decision of DNR should the situation present itself; the Oncologist said we would simply be prolonging and not fixing the situation.

Right now our mission is solely Grant's comfort; the doctors (PICU, Oncology, Endocrinology) are working collaboratively to develop a plan that provides comfort and potentially enables him to spend his final days at home with our family.

I know that Damon and I can look at everything that has happened over the past five-months with confidence that we have done everything we can for our beloved little boy.  We will need the love and support of friends and family more than ever before - - not just now, but in the months and years to come.

We just completed an impromptu baptism in the hospital room, as the priest from the Armenian Church in Scottsdale was gracious enough to come to perform the sacrament.  In a rather appropriate circumstance, Grant is lucky enough to have two godfathers - Damon's friends Tommy and Eric.  For those of you who don't know Damon, he has always been surrounded by a close, relatively small group of loyal guy friends.  It's only fitting that Damon's little boy has the same - - two godfathers who will always be a part of our posse.

A five-month-old boy has taught me more than I will ever learn in school and life.  I don't need to look far to find a hero...my precious, angelic little boy with the sweetest demeanor a mother could ever want.