A Perfect Balance

Like all of us, Alexa has had her tough moments after Granty's death, but her ability to grasp the concepts of death and, more importantly, remembrance truly amazes me.  Just like Grant taught me some of the most valuable lessons of life, I think Alexa's unknowingly teaching me lessons about dealing with grief and coping with Grant's absence.  At her 'wise old age' of three and a half, Alexa is able to strike a perfect balance of being sad over the loss but at the same time, finding joy in the wonderful memories of her baby brother.

I think one of the most quintessential moments came when we were in St. Louis driving to my friend Molly's house.  Alexa began talking in the back seat, and I asked her who she was talking to.  She told me, "I'm pretending that Granty didn't die, and I'm holding him in my lap."  It took everything I had to keep me from bursting into tears and bawling as we drove down Highway 40.  As sad as I felt that Alexa had to play pretend in order to play with Granty, it was also a very touching moment to know that Alexa thinks about Grant probably as much as Damon and I do.  However, after several minutes of pretending with baby Granty, she suddenly said, "Oh...I just threw him out the window."  Ahh, Alexa - only she could change this tear-jerker moment into something so silly and lighthearted.

Tonight Alexa spotted Grant's giraffe blankie in my purse (it goes everywhere with me), and as soon as she saw it, she looked at me and said, "I really miss my Granty...he was a good baby brother."  Of course, I had to agree with her, and explained that I miss him too and that's why his blankie is in my purse.  Alexa followed up that conversation by telling me that we should always save that blankie for Granty but get another one if I ever have a new baby in my tummy.  :) What a great big sister!

My dynamic duo....